Chapter 43 - Indulgence

 

Chapter 43. Indulgence

Bella

Liam laughs maniacally. "Then Black Widow kicks Thanos in the butt!"

"Wait, which one of your sisters is Black Widow?" I ask him.

"You are!" the girls yell at me.

"I am Gamora," the littlest says.

"And I'm Scarlet Witch. I'm going to pick Thanos up with my brain!"

I make a T with my hands, the universal sign for time out. "Listen, I told you I'm Captain Marvel not Widow."

Liam stomps his foot. "But Captain Marvel sucks."

"And we let you make Eddie Iron Man and he can't even walk!" my niece argues.

Eddie sways on his feet, takes a step, and crumbles to the grassy lawn. I'm thinking he might need a new Arc Reactor.

"And you made me the Hulk named Ed!" Liam stomps again. "It's not fair, Auntie Bella!"

I roll my eyes. All this arguing and we're losing Thanos - their new pet turtle. He's already past the swing set and is headed for the shed. "Fine, I'll be Widow," I huff.

"Yay!"

"Now, on the count of three!" I call. "One… two… three!"

My nieces, nephews, and I charge toward the swing set. We jump into the empty kiddie pool, scramble through the sandbox, and fall into a big heap in the corner of the yard near the garage. Thanos disappears underneath the shed. We've gone completely off script, but we're tickling and laughing as we roll around on the ground. Iron Man crawls as fast as he can in our direction. I have a niece on my belly, a toddler grabbing my tit, and a fishy-smelling hand in my face when someone clears their throat by the back door.

"I don't know how you manage her," Rose says.

"Fuck if I know," Alec replies with a chuckle.

I channel Captain fucking Marvel and throw the kids off me. I'm pretty sure I rise from the ground like I'm levitating. From the back porch, Emmett doubles over laughing, while Alec shakes his head with tears in his eyes. Rose jogs across the yard to catch Eddie before he crawls under the shed after Thanos.

"Want to pull yourself together?" Alec asks.

I push the hair from my face. I tug at my t-shirt and brush the grass from the knees of my jeans.

"What do you mean?"

He looks me over from head to toe. "Is this what you're going with?" To be fair, grass-stained jeans and a t-shirt are worlds apart from what I used to wear when I opened for Mike. That was back before I figured out how comfortable it felt to be myself.

"This is me. It's why I'm fuckin' here in the first place." I swing Liam into my arms as the little guy tries to charge past me. "No fish upstairs, young man," I warn.

Liam squirms out of my arms and heads straight for the refrigerator. It's not my problem. Hell, it's not even Rose and Emmett's. "Who's watching these guys tonight?" I ask Rose as I pluck Eddie from her arms.

"What do you mean?"

Emmett jabs his wife in the ribs and arches an eyebrow. "Angie's coming over, right?"

I narrow my eyes. "Angela and her infant daughter are going to babysit five kids under ten?"

Rose stares hard at her husband. "That would clearly be absurd."

"Hey, at least I remembered we'd need a sitter," he shoots back. "At least I'm trying."

Rose and Em stare at each other like they're having a silent conversation. It looks a little more charged than the ones I usually have with God.

Shit. They really are fighting. They better have someone to watch the kids or whatever romantic gesture Emmett has planned is out the window.

"You do have a sitter, right?" I ask.

"Don't worry about us," Rose says. Her smile is a little too sweet, a little too bright. I'm practically blinded by it. It's the 'Rose is perfect, so don't you dare question her' smile.

It works. Every fucking time.

Alec squares my shoulders and gives me a reassuring nod. "Leave it to me. If they need a sitter I'll find a sitter. You just concentrate on yourself right now."

"You know, you're gonna have to get used to me caring about my family."

Alec takes a deep breath. "I think I could get used to that."

I take a step back at the same time Rose clears her throat.

My manager's immediately back in business mode. He checks the time on his phone. "Family or not, you and I have places to be, crowds to slay. Ready?"

I'm about to follow Alec inside, but Rose holds me back with a hand on my shoulder. "Listen Slayer, he's not the one for you."

In the kitchen, Alec accepts a frozen fish stick from Liam and gamely takes a bite. He shudders but smiles kindly at my nephew. When Liam's not looking, Emmett hands Alec a napkin and he spits it out and quickly dumps it into the trash.

"Don't settle for what's comfortable," she tells me.

I don't settle. I know what I love.

"I didn't come back because it's comfortable."

"That's not what I'm talking about. Hold out for the kind of guy that can bring you to tears when he looks into your eyes at a rehearsal dinner."

I sigh. "It took twenty-seven years for something like that to happen, Rose."

Her blue eyes glitter. "I have a feeling it's not going to take twenty-seven more."

"From your lips to the Big Guy's ears," I tell her.

"Promise. We've all been praying on your behalf."

It's good to hear. Maybe with all that silent talking, He'll finally listen.

xXxXx

Alec rushes ahead as we make our way to the waiting car so he can open the door for me.

"Your chariot, my lady." He bows a little and winks.

I roll my eyes. "And you call me a dork," I tell him as I throw my guitar into the back seat.

"Ow!"

What the hell?

"Alec, did you get me a talking car?"

A head peeks out of the open door. Emily Young smiles up at me. "Your manager got you a friend." She shoots a pitying look Alec's way. "Next time, spring for it and get my girl a talking car too."

"Oh my God!" I squeal.

Emily reaches her hand out and pulls me into the backseat, then into a huge hug.

"How are you even here?" I ask. "I had no freakin' clue you were in New York."

"I wasn't. This guy convinced me to fly out." She nods to Alec. He grins as he looks out the window.

I nudge him with my shoulder. "You did this?" The tops of Alec's cheeks pink.

Emily starts chattering away about the new material she's recording back in Los Angeles. I tell her about the shows I have lined up in New York. Alec joins in, explaining how he was against my idea at first, but how it seemed more right as time went on. Emily agrees.

"You can take the girl out of Brooklyn, but you can't take Brooklyn out of the girl, you know?" She chuckles.

Alec shakes his head. "There's a new limit to how much I can take the girl out of Brooklyn. Bella's orders."

"Ordering people around. Look at you!" Emily shoves me playfully. "Next thing you know you'll be demanding Cristal and caviar."

"More like craft beer and cookies," Alec offers. I've got to give it to the guy, he definitely knows me.

I look between Alec and Emily, then out the windows to Gravesend Bay on one side of the car, and tall Brooklyn highrises on the other. My hometown. My closest friends. Heading to my show in Brooklyn.

This should be perfect. It almost is.

But there's still something missing. Someone.

Avoiding his existence hasn't worked. Banning my family from talking about him might have spared me some pain, but it was like plastering a band-aid over an open wound.

Maybe it's been long enough. Maybe if Alice tells me about the good Edward's doing in the world, I can finally accept that he made all the difference in my life and leave it at that. Maybe I could even let him know. Not in person, of course. If I saw him in person, I know what I'd say. The words would still come out the same.

I love you. You're the best thing to ever happen to me.

I try to banish the thought from my brain. It's probably safer to write him a letter. Maybe then I can accept that I've got it from here.

This Bars in Brooklyn tour is proof. My new home is proof. My relationship with my family is too.

I've worked hard to fill up the huge hole where my happiness should live.

Eventually, I'll stop feeling like something's missing. Right?

I have everything a girl could want.

Emily and Alec each sling an arm over a shoulder. Emily ruffles my hair, Alec brushes a stray blade of grass from my shirt.

Dear God, Why do I still feel wrong when everything around me is right? I've put in the work. I've even had fucking faith. I've been pretty chill about You not answering and shit, but just this one time, I could really use a word or two that I'm on the right path. Amen

xXxXx

At Freddy's, the back room's empty except for a star-struck server and a sound guy. Emily tries to lie low with a glass of whiskey while I fidget with the mic stand, fighting back nerves. New York crowds can be tough. With a stripped down set in a tiny space like this, there's no covering if I fuck up.

Shit.

Woulda been helpful if I thought about that a few months back. I'm fucking brilliant.

As I'm debating about whether or not I can back out, Alec materializes in front of the stage and hands me a glass of something amber.

I arch an eyebrow.

"Drink up, you're nervous."

I take a whiff and wrinkle my nose. It's been a while since I've had a scotch.

"You'd rather have herbal tea, wouldn't you?"

"Does it make me an old lady if I say yes?"

Alec smirks. "It makes you a more reliable lady. Makes my job easier. Would you settle for black tea?"

I make a face. He laughs. "You got this, B."

Emily raises her glass from across the room and I take a tiny sip. The alcohol burns on the way down.

"Remind me exactly what I've got?" I ask Alec as I choke down the drink.

"Well, for one, you've got a mic check," the sound guy says.

With another sip it's easier to think about the speakers than what I've got or what I'm missing. Another sip and I try a few bars of my newest song. A few more gulps and I'm chatting with the manager, Chris, in the back hall as the first few people filter in.

"You know this is nuts, right?" Chris asks. "The last big act here was Blue Oyster Cult, like before you and I were born."

At least he's not comparing me to Janis Joplin. Chris and I talk about the musicians they've had at Freddy's - from local blues singers, to neighborhood bands. The kind of people I'm more likely to meet on a barstool out front, the kind of people I compare myself to.

Before I know it, he's checking his watch. Then he's onstage telling a cheering crowd how nervous he was having me here.

"I didn't know what to expect. What the fuck, you know? Freddy's Bar? Bella Swan?"

The audience laughs. Someone whistles.

"But then I spent the last twenty minutes talking to her, and she's not as scary as I thought. I knew she was talented, but she's also down to fucking earth, and fucking funny, and knows her fucking shit about Brooklyn-based musicians. So, without further ado, let's give a warm Freddy's welcome to Bella fucking Swan!"

The enthusiastic applause from the little audience reminds me of the last time I sang in Brooklyn at Angela's rehearsal dinner. Everyone's going wild as they clap, stomp, and shout my name. As I step out onto the tiny stage, the audience explodes. Chris hops off the stage and takes a seat up front with some friends.

I try shading my eyes because the stage lights are blinding, but all I can see is a bunch of silhouettes and a bright red exit sign. It's too warm. The room's overcrowded with stylish hipsters. I feel penned in on stage.

It's a lot like my first paid gig back in Sheepshead Bay.

"Hey, Brooklyn! How's it going?" I ask.

"Sing Lost in Love!" someone shouts back.

Everyone laughs. I stop what I'm doing and roll my eyes dramatically. The crowd chuckles some more.

"Now that that's out of the way, how about we get right to it?" I launch into the first song I played all those years ago in Sheepshead Bay. The crowd goes nuts. My set list goes out the window. Riding the momentum, I slip into whatever feels right. I take the whole stage and have fun with it. I take another drink and even have fun with that too.

I walk to the edge to give the guys at Chris' table some shit, low-key insulting them when I ask if they're from Williamsburg. The lights aren't as bright here. I strum a few notes as I look out at the crowd. There are lots of tatts and t-shirts, a few random flannels, but plenty of skin since it's August.

I don't see Rose. There's no sign of Emmett. But toward the very back, along the bar, I spot a broad chest and an Avengers t-shirt.

I blink.

I think my heart stops beating.

It's Edward.

Any doubt about who it is disappears when I spot Emily practically jumping, pointing in his direction.

Edward.

He's as hot as the first day I saw him in my parent's dining room.

He's as attentive as the night he watched me at Angela's rehearsal dinner.

It's so much more than that though.

He's what's missing.

With him here, for the first time, everything feels right. It feels one hundred percent, abso-fucking-lutely right.

I take another sip.

I glance at the ceiling.

Finally fucking answering me, huh?

With another look in his direction, I'm warm all over.

I feel certain.

I'll take Edward however I can get him - as a penpal, as a priest, as a friend. I'm not going to let him get away.

God knows what I'm going to say to Edward when I get the chance, and He put him here in the bar with me anyway.

I love you. You're the best thing to ever happen to me.

Maybe it's because Alice told me Edward's in a good place. Maybe it's because seeing him from across the room, he looks so fuckin' fine. Maybe it's because I'm a little insane. A year ago, I was sure it would be wrong to say those words. Tonight I know it's right.

It doesn't make any sense.

I look up at the ceiling one more time.

You're definitely weird, but I'm gonna trust You.

This one's for you, Big Guy.

I start playing a favorite of my dad's - an old George Michael song.

---

EDWARD:

The last time I was in the same room with Bella, she was saying goodbye. She said to go build my tower. She asked me not to get in touch.

Tonight feels like I'm seeing her for the first time. I'm nervous and excited, my heart is pounding inside my chest.

And tonight there's no commitment to God standing between us.

Bella wanted me to build my tower. I can't finish it without her.

I haven't called or texted. Being here doesn't technically break my promise. I'm doing what she's asked.

She still did the right thing, leaving Sheepshead Bay last year. She's more confident now, more charismatic. Her tongue and cheek rendition of Faith has the bar roaring with laughter. Her happiness is infectious. Everyone's on their feet. Emily almost gets me to dance.

Watching her is like being backstage at the Bowery, or sneaking a smoke in her parents' backyard. It's like sharing a chaise, looking out at the ocean, or stopping for a kiss in the middle of a storm.

Like holding each other on the dance floor and not caring who sees.

It's how she used to look at me.

I'd give anything for her to look at me like that again.

I think about what Alice said. She misses you.

And Emmett's note. It's been long enough.

He could have been a little more specific. Long enough for what? Long enough, go watch her sing? Long enough, go talk to her? Long enough, can we all say your names around each other without it being weird?

Long enough, maybe you two can be friends now? Or long enough, tell you love her again and maybe this time it'll be different?

"Fuck."

I run a hand through my hair. It's smaller inside Freddy's Bar than I thought it would be. I'm as far away from the stage as I could get, but she's right fucking there. I could probably call out her name and she'd hear me.

And damn, she's still so fucking beautiful. Still wearing a stripe of color in her hair. Tonight it's red. Still managing to make old t-shirts look sexy. She's still so much the same but so different too.

I know I should stay out of her way, but I'm dying to get closer. To stare into her eyes for the rest of the night.

And probably freak her the fuck out. Yeah, not going to do it.

I take a swig of my beer and try to calm down.

Bella takes a break to interact with the crowd. She tells a self-deprecating story about the last time she was at Freddy's. People laugh. Bella does too. I'm busy remembering the way it felt when she would confide her stories in me - during confession, on the subway, in bed.

Now she's confessing, again, about drinking too much, about getting the boot from one of the guys sitting at that front row table. He points to himself, pretending to act shocked.

"Yeah you," she says. "Just picture all this." She holds her arms out to the sides. "A little more wasted, a lot less famous."

The guys at the table lose it. They give their friend all kinds of shit. He couldn't care less, he's enamored. How can I blame him?

Bella introduces a new song. I pull my phone out.

I start to text Emmett to ask him what the fuck he was thinking when someone gives me a nudge.

"Hey, aren't you Bella's friend?"

I look over to the woman nearly and choke on my drink. "Emily. Shit. Hi."

She laughs. "Yeah, you're the sort of taken one. Edward, right?"

"No. I mean yeah, Edward but, no, not taken. Not anymore."

Christ.

I take another drink.

Emily arches an eyebrow and smirks. "I see."

I clear my throat. "How are you?"

"Fantastic now that I'm watching our girl up there." She tells me a story about a last minute invite to be here. How she was so rushed, she accidentally brought her dog with her on the plane. How a nice fan at the airport took care of her and got her a carrier. And how the concierge at her hotel has been watching him for hours. She's paying double what she'd pay a kennel but says it's worth it for 'our girl' up on stage.

It should probably feel weird, sitting next to Emily Young at Bella's gig, chatting like we're old friends, but she makes it easy. The way she refers to Bella as 'our girl' reminds me how Bella told me I'd fit in with her friends once. At the time it didn't seem possible.

Maybe she was right after all.

We settle in to hear Bella's next song. She makes it look effortless.

The guy at the front row table makes it look effortless too. Watching her, talking to his friends… talking to his friends about watching her.

"Interesting," Emily muses from beside me while she sips on her drink.

"What?"

"You," she says then looks toward the front of the room. "They're not her type, honey."

"Yeah?" I pick at the label of my beer. "Who is?"

She shrugs as I take a long sip. "You're the only person I've ever seen her into."

And I practically spit out my drink.

"She is on fire tonight, isn't she, Em?" A tall guy puts his arm around Emily. He looks far too excited about the woman up on stage to be no one. He also looks like he's trying very hard to come off as casual.

He's not casual.

"She sure is." Emily raises her glass and sways to the beat.

Her friend eyes me. "Didn't know you had a date tonight."

"I'm not her date." I nod at the stage as Bella begins her next song. A sexy hymn. My sexy hymn. "I'm here for her."

He laughs. "Well, aren't we all?"

Emily grins. "This one's a little different, Alec."

She's right. I am different. I'm the guy Bella wrote this fucking hymn for.

"He's got it bad," Emily tells her friend, Alec. He narrows his eyes at me. He looks like he's about to say something else when a group of men crowd around the bar, demanding drinks. One of them mentions Bella's name, another whistles. "I'd tap that!"

"Amen, dude!" They fist bump each other.

"Maybe you shouldn't bring God into it," I call out over the music.

He laughs at me. "What?"

"And maybe you should show a little more respect."

"Calm down," Alec says in a low voice. "I don't like it either, but they're just drunk. It's harmless."

I'm not entirely convinced. He reads me like a book. "And if they're not, I'll make sure they find the exit."

He looks stern, determined, dead serious. This time I believe him.

The group moves along to go find their seats and Alec claps me on the back.

"Tell you what," he says. "Come find me after the show. I'll introduce you."

He winks like he's doing me this huge favor. In a way, I guess he is.

Before I can say anything, Alec nods to Emily and walks away.

"I take it that's-"

"Bella's manager," Emily says. "Really good guy. He's got her back, ya know?"

I breathe a little easier. "That's good," I whisper more to myself than to Emily. Then I glance upward at the ceiling. Thanks.

It's easy to get lost in Bella's music. She seems exhausted toward the end, but she looks so fucking happy. Exactly like the first and last time I saw her sing on stage. She was born to be under that spotlight.

I'm happy too. Watching her online is one thing. Being here with her, live, is intoxicating.

xXxXx

When Bella finishes up, the crowd erupts. We clap, we cheer.

She jogs over to her manager. He's beaming, proud, as she waves a hand, asking him for something.

I can hear her laughter from here.

He searches his pockets. Bella grabs a napkin off of a table then pulls her hair up into a messy bun.

Alec gesticulates as she writes something down in a hurry. He looks confused as she rolls the note up and hands it back to him.

It reminds me of when she used to do that with me.

Fuck.

"Sing Lost in Love!" someone shouts from a booth. Just about everyone in the bar howls with laughter. Instead of rolling her eyes this time, Bella blushes as she laughs along with the crowd.

She may as well be looking right at me.

As everyone starts chanting Lost in Love the bartender slides a napkin in front of me, then sets a drink on top of it.

"Sorry, I didn't order-"

"I know. Here." She hands me a tiny rolled up piece of napkin and walks away.

My heart stops as I stare at it for a few seconds. I peek over at Emily. She winks and orders another drink.

As I unfold the note, my stomach tightens. My face is on fire.

Drink, you Godly son of a bitch.

My breath catches in the back of my throat. My eyes snap to the stage. This time, Bella really is staring right at me.

With that smile. The smile.

The one she's still saving just for me.

"Fuck."

And then… she starts to sing.

It's Lost in Love.

The words are the same, but the way she sings it is different.

It's sad but hopeful, heartbreaking and uplifting. The tempo is slower, but the meaning is deeper because of it.

Her voice gradually drops to a whisper, so when she pauses to take a breath, people are on the edge of their seats. You could hear a pin drop as we all wait.

As I wait. Like I used to at St. Mary's. In the confessional.

Moments pass. Seconds, hours, days… I'm not sure.

When she starts to sing again, she's staring at me again. My heart just about splits in two. It's like she's singing a secret. Our secret. But telling the world.

As she finishes the last chord, I wipe tears from the corners of my eyes. I try to breathe as I swallow the lump down in the back of my throat.

The crowd is completely silent, like they can't believe she just gave them this gift. Then cheering takes over.

People are clapping, going wild. It seems like just about everyone has recorded it. Phones are still up in the air. She hops off the stage. People swarm around her, but she pushes through the crowd, headed this way.

Headed for me.

I lose her for a minute in the sea of fans. Then she emerges and time stops.

She's here, standing right in front of me. Just like she never left.

Her eyes search mine, like maybe she's waiting for me to explain myself.

I take a deep breath.

"I had to see you."

"I love you."

"And I'm sorry if-" Wait. "What?"

"You're sorry?" She smirks. It's sexy as hell. "Drink, Father."

There's a challenge in her eyes, the same one she's always had. She takes a step closer, picks up the drink off the bar, and hands it to me.

I play the game. I can't fucking help myself. I never can when it comes to Bella.

I take a sip for courage, if nothing else. "Bella, I'm not-"

"What. The fuck. Was that genius!?" Alec pulls Bella into a hug. "That song! Jesus, I didn't even know you were working on it." He sets his hands on her shoulders and looks into her eyes. "It was fucking beautiful. You were amazing."

Bella slips away from her manager. "Alec, there's someone you have to meet. This is Edward." She takes a deep breath and looks steadily into my eyes. "He's the best thing to ever happen to me."

She takes a step closer. Close enough to touch. Close enough for me to see the little flecks of gold in her deep brown eyes.

"I, uh, I guess you've, um… already met?" Alec stammers, but Bella's not paying attention. I shouldn't be either. He doesn't matter.

She seems confused. "I thought you were in Rome."

"I was."

"I almost died when I saw you in the audience."

"I'm glad you didn't."

She bites her lip. "Christ, I love you. I know it's super inconvenient, but I can't not say it. Sorry."

She loves me. "It's not inconvenient." Not by a long shot.

My head spins.

"Emmett had me convinced he was going to make this big romantic gesture, but, yeah. It's you." She's breathless, nervous maybe, and can't take her eyes off of me.

"I can't believe it's you," she whispers.

"Emmett's got a lot of crazy ideas."

She loves me.

She did say it loud, right?

Bella ducks her head. "Like getting me to confess my love to a priest. I don't even know what I'm doing right now. Sorry."

I hand my glass to her. "Drink."

Bella bursts out laughing. She steadies herself with a hand on my chest. I can't help but put a hand over hers. She looks up into my eyes and takes a long drink.

"Say it again?"

She swallows. "God fuckin' help me, but I love you."

"I love you too," I tell her even though it's difficult to breathe. What she said a minute ago hits me. "But I'm not-"

"A priest?" Alec asks.

"Ohhhh," Emily hums. "Taken."

"Fuck. I'm an idiot." Bella's expression falls. "I'm sorry. I'm really glad you were here."

"Drink," I tell her again.

I turn to Alec. "And I'm not a priest."

Bella pats my chest. "Don't worry, Alec's cool. He won't say anything."

"For what it's worth, he told me he's not taken anymore," Emily says. "I coulda' told you that a year ago, by the way."

"Priest or not, do you think you could be in the audience every night?" Alec asks. "She hasn't sung that song since-"

"Angela's rehearsal dinner," Bella and I finish for him.

I can't stop staring at her. She can't stop touching my chest. I don't mind at all. "I've got tickets for the rest of the week. I work most nights, but I'll be there whenever I can."

"Why are you working nights? Prayer groups? Bible studies?"

"I'm not a priest." I tuck some hair behind her ear. She shivers.

"You're not?"

"No. Say it again."

She seems stunned. "What?"

"I love you," I tell her.

"I love you too." She seems more excited every time she says it.

"Fuck," we say together.

She rests her hand against my chest again. This time it's not nerves. This time it's closing the gap between us. It's a connection. The same one we've always had.

She pushes up onto her tiptoes. She whispers into my ear.

"Later?"

I close my eyes. Her breath is hot against my skin.

"Absolutely." I slide a hand along her waist.

She looks around.

Right. People.

Bella takes a small step back and I want to grab a hold of her, keep her close. That might make her uncomfortable so I suck it up and try to act normal.

"You're sure you're not a priest? Weren't you in Rome with Bishop Whitlock?"

"I was," I tell her, anxious to explain everything. "But then I figured out what was important to me."

Bella raises an eyebrow. She waits. She looks like she's holding her breath.

"There were so many things, Bella. And I'm dying to tell you about it, but I was still missing what was most important. I was still missing you."

She glances up at the ceiling, closes her eyes, and says something under her breath.

"What was that?"

Bella blushes. She bites her bottom lip. Suddenly she can't quite look me in the eye.

"Were you just…?"

She looks up at me with relief, satisfaction… bliss. "He finally fuckin' answered."

"You spoke to Him about us?"

"Silently. Maybe. A few times." She looks slightly guilty, like maybe it was more than a few. Maybe a few dozen. A few hundred even.

Christ. I knew I prayed. Every day. It never crossed my mind she'd been praying for this too.

Bella giggles. "Edward, the look? Really?"

I take her hand. Maybe this should feel awkward. Me, Bella. Here. Finally. I haven't touched her in forever, but it feels comfortable, effortless.

"I've really missed this."

I'm suddenly aware Emily and Alec are trying very desperately not to stare at the two of us. The rest of the bar isn't trying quite as hard. A few people sneak some pics.

"Wanna get out of here?" I ask her. "Or maybe you'd rather stay…"

"Hey, Em?" Bella doesn't look away. "I know you just flew like three thousand miles."

"Oh my God, would you go already?" She squeezes Bella's arm then gives us both a playful push toward the exit.

Bella glances over her shoulder toward the stage.

"I've got it all under control," Alec says quietly. He gives a little wave before he heads for the stage, then turns around abruptly. "You have until Tuesday night. Then we're over in Bay Ridge. I'll text to confirm the car. No grass stains this time. Okay?"

As we leave, hand in hand, it feels pretty surreal.

I have her until Tuesday.

That's a start.