Summary


SUMMARY: She was clearly in pain. She clearly needed help. How could I deny her? How could I ignore the distress of a child of God? I couldn't. And that was my downfall.

BxE AH AU of the spiritual kind

A collaboration between Belladonnacullen & FictionFreak95.

Please note that we don't own Twilight, or Catholic prayers, this is simply a work of fanfiction.

(originally posted to FF.net 01.13.2020)


Chapter 16 - Confirmation

 

Chapter 16. Confirmation

Bella

I plop down onto the curb once I'm around the corner from St. Mary's.

That's when I notice I'm trembling.

I brush my shaky fingertips over my lips. They're still tingling.

Holy shit.

I kissed my priest. And I liked it.

Who am I kidding? I fucking loved it.

I think I one-upped Katy Perry.

And I left that priest without looking back. Don't judge - there would have been no stopping me. Instead of high school bleachers, it would have been pews at the back of the church.

I'm a menace.

And for a priest, Edward is a surprisingly good kisser.

My body aches in all the places I wish he'd have touched, and I wrap my jacket around myself, desperate for any kind of friction.

Then I pull out my phone to start looking for a hotel because I can't spend the night on this curb.

That's when I see the text from Alice. My new favorite sister.

You ok?

I am far from okay. I have half a mind to head back to church and finish what I started. The other half of my mind wants to track down Ben Cheney and knee him in the balls all over again.

Um - I text back.

My phone's suddenly buzzing. Alice is on the line.

"They're insane," she says before I can get a word out.

"Alice?"

"Are you at Billy's Place?"

I look up at St. Mary's bell tower looming over me and almost laugh.

"You'll never guess."

"Jake's?" she asks in a scandalized whisper.

I shudder at the thought. "I'm at church."

And there's silence.

"Alice?"

"Fellowshipping again?"

I laugh out loud, surprised by Alice's sarcasm and surprised by the sound of my own voice. I'm giddy. Full of nervous energy. "I'm sure you're not the first person to call it that."

I glance over my shoulder at the church. Now that I know how that man kisses, I don't think those stone walls are strong enough to keep me out.

Dear God, what the fuck do you want me to do here?

I sigh. Alice sighs on the other end of the line. "This is good. I'm glad Father Edward was there for you. Angela's lost it, Bell. Did you know she's-"

"Pregnant," we say together.

"Yeah." I groan. And I kind of wish I was still angry about the fight with Mom and Angela, but all I can think about is my sister's tearstained face. The desperate look in her eyes.

"It's not your fault," she says quickly.

"True facts. I did not impregnate our sister." I think Alice might be the only one in my family to fully appreciate that bit of knowledge.

"About Ben," she adds. "It wasn't your fault."

Tears prick my eyes. Because I still kind of think it is. What if I never met him today? What if I just shut my mouth for once and walked away?

"They're way out of line, Bella."

Thank God for Alice.

I glance at St. Mary's.

Thanks, God.

"You home?" I ask, surprised I don't hear all hell breaking loose on the other end of the line.

"Um…"

"Are you at Billy's?"

I hear whispering in the background. "I couldn't stay at home. I think I'm… leaving. Maybe."

"Like running away?" I'm immediately on my feet and looking around like I might spot Alice ducking behind a car or hopping a fence.

"I'm twenty-one, Bella. I'm not a little kid anymore. You left when you were eighteen."

I was seventeen. Mom didn't give me many options. But I'm not going to argue technicalities at the moment.

"For good?" I ask.

"I just can't anymore. You have no idea how hard it's-"

"Do you even remember who you're talking to?" I interrupt.

Alice chuckles bitterly. "I do. It's another reason I left. Tonight everyone was acting especially… bat shit crazy."

I swear it's the first time I've ever heard Alice curse. I can practically hear her blush.

"You want to stay with me?" I ask. "I'm getting a room. Somewhere. We could order room service? Plot how to save Angela from herself."

"I, uh -"

Yeah, the part about Angela was aspirational, at best.

There's more whispering on the other end of the line. "You should come here," Alice finally says.

"Where's here?"

"Jane's."

"Is that a restaurant? A bar?"

Alice hesitates. "A… friend?"

I chuckle. "You're not sure?"

And even though Alice is still just whispering on the other end of the phone, I sense new urgency in her hushed conversation. Shit.

"You'll like her, Bella," she finally says.

"Alice, that's sweet, but I'm in no mood for a sleepover."

"It's not like that. Please?"

And I can hear it in her voice. My little sister knows what she needs. When she needs it.

I glance back at the church and remind myself it's not all about me.

"Sure thing. Text me the address."

xXxXx

I've barely knocked on the door of apartment 11C when it's thrown open and Alice launches herself into my arms, almost knocking me off my feet. My back collides against the opposite wall.

"Hey, hey." I pat her on the head. She buries her face in the crook of my neck. "I'm okay, Alice. I'm not the one carrying Ben Cheney's love child."

My little sister steps back and smiles up at me. "I'm just so glad you're here."

"Yo, me too. Have you seen hotel prices in this town? I was this close to staying at a Motel 6 on Staten Island."

Alice wrinkles her nose.

I laugh. Then notice a pretty girl about Alice's age in the doorway of the apartment.

"Jane? Of Jane's place fame?" I ask.

Jane grins and holds out her hand. "Alice told me you were funny. It's nice to finally meet you, Bella."

Alice's friend does her best to give us some privacy in the tiny apartment. Basically, she makes sure I'm comfortable, then locks herself in the bedroom. It was either that or the bathroom, really. Jane's little space is tidy and chock full of books. A bookshelf takes up one entire wall, and they're piled up on either side of the couch, almost like end tables.

"I can see why you two are friends," I say, running my fingers over the spines. "Jane's probably not much for bars, either."

Alice tips her mug of herbal tea in my direction. "Nope. She doesn't drink."

I sit down and start Googling nearby liquor stores.

Alice takes a seat on the other side of the couch and tucks her feet underneath her. "Our family keeps too many secrets."

I glance up at my sister and she smiles awkwardly. "Well, they're all out in the open now, I guess." I shrug.

"Not all of them."

She's right. But I have no plans to tell Alice about fellowshipping. About how Edward didn't lay a hand on me, but how he pressed his body up against mine, and, with just a tilt of his hips, he took my breath away.

"Christ," I whisper under my breath. My hands are shaking again.

"Like you and Ben," Alice says.

And I want to vomit. "What?"

"You heard me." She places her mug down and looks at me earnestly. "I'm the only one who doesn't know what happened."

"First of all, there's no me and Ben."

I've mentioned Alice's side-eye abilities, right?

"It was forever ago, Alice. You were a baby."

"If I heard right, it was just last week."

My whole body goes rigid. I hadn't been expecting an interrogation from my baby sister.

Alice stares at me calmly. She smiles, but she's not backing down. It's like someone infused Mom's persistence with sweetness. Wait until she has kids some day. They're going to be lucky little buggers, but they're not going to get away with a single thing.

"It was right after I got into it with Mom," I admit.

She grins. "Which time?"

"Ben and I bumped into each other at the liquor store. I didn't want to go home. We talked and, well... Back in the day, Ben and I were… friends."

"With benefits?" Alice asks quietly, suddenly staring at her lap.

I can't help but laugh. Alice might be uncomfortable, but she's not as naive as I thought.

"Point is, Ben and I were over back when we were still kids. I was younger than you are."

"I'm not a kid. I-"

I wait. Alice doesn't finish her thought, but there's something weighing her down on her side of the couch. I can feel it.

I give her some space - as much as I can find in five hundred square feet. As I glance around the room, I notice photos of friend groups. Jane, Alice, and a pack of wholesome-looking girls at Coney Island. At Rockaway Beach. At a Broadway show.

For the second time in a week, I feel a pang of guilt about how I don't know my sister at all.

"Anything else you need to know?" I ask her.

Alice shakes her head dramatically.

"Oh my God. Go ahead. Ask me anything." I'm so sincere, I surprise myself. Suddenly I'm like Father Edward over here.

And I see what he's been doing since the day we met. I know I don't have to keep asking permission to ask him anything. He'll always answer.

Kind, caring, kissing priest.

Right now, I'd tell Alice anything so she feels safe enough to say whatever's on her mind.

"You and Jake?" Alice guesses again.

I groan. "There's no me and Jake, either. Okay?"

"I guess I could kind of see that. Jake's a nice guy though, Bell. Someone you could really confide in… If you needed to, I mean."

I shrug my shoulders and sip at my goddamned herbal tea. "I've never been into perfect, I guess."

Unless we're talking perfect priests.

"Plus you have the Father to-"

"There's nothing going on between me and Father Edward! Okay?"

Alice jumps. Her eyes go wide. I think I accidentally shouted.

Jane peeks her head out of her bedroom. "You guys okay?" she asks, looking between Alice and me.

Why do people keep asking me this? Especially when I'm not okay. I've somehow broken out into a sweat.

"We're good, ba-... Jane." Alice smiles, but it doesn't reach her eyes. I wish I knew what was wrong with her.

Jane holds out her mug. "Okay if I top myself off?"

Alice damn near jumps off the couch. "You want some Raspberry Zinger, Bella?" she asks. "Or maybe Calm Chamomile?

"Depends, is that a new brand of Scotch?"

Jane winks at me on her way to the kitchen area. "I'll make you one of my patented virgin hot toddies."

My mind reels at the thought of spending a sober night in a stranger's house.

After kissing Edward.

After he kissed me back.

Thinking about how he pushed me up against the confessional.

Thinking about his breath on my neck. His lips behind my ear.

The hard length of him pressed between us.

And I melt into the couch and open my eyes.

Alice and Jane are talking in a low whisper. Jane's hand is on Alice's hip as she reaches around Alice for a jar of honey. Alice picks at some lint on Jane's sweater and playfully pulls out her ponytail.

Oh my God.

I must make some kind of noise because Alice and Jane both turn to look in my direction. Their fingers brush, their hands instinctively drawn to one another.

I can't help but smile.

I think my little sister's in love.

xXxXx

Everything's a hazy kind of blur after that moment. Alice changes for bed in the bathroom, and it's clear I'm sleeping on the couch and Alice is sleeping with Jane. My little sister can't quite meet my eyes when she returns with bedding and helps me with the fold-out.

I keep sneaking looks. She keeps avoiding them.

Until we're unfolding a sheet and our hands meet, that is. Alice jumps away from me like I just tried to stab her.

So I drop the sheet and take her hand.

"She seems really nice," I say matter of factly. Because it's true. Jane seems kind and attentive.

Alice blushes. She bites her lip and looks anywhere but at my face.

"I didn't know."

"Yeah, well…" she starts to say. Fumbling for words. "I mean, I…"

I pull her down onto the unmade bed.

"Mom and Dad?" I ask.

Alice shakes her head. "Oh my God, no."

Oh shit. I almost forgot about God.

I spot the little gold cross hanging from Alice's neck even in her nightshirt. I may not know Alice well, but I know the church has been the most important thing in her life since she was a little kid.

Then I think about Father Edward asking me if it would be okay with me if he were gay. And I nearly cry.

Kind-hearted, open-minded, kissing priest.

"I got your back, Alice. You know that, right?"

She throws her arms around me again. This time I'm prepared. This time I hug her back.

xXxXx

After Alice and Jane are in bed for the night, I climb into the fold-out and pull out my phone. I'm hoping to zone out on Instagram and ignore their whispers through thin apartment walls, or avoid thoughts about anything else too meaningful.

It's been a day. A day and a half, if I'm being honest. And it's not over yet. My manager's all up in my DMs. He's been on Soundcloud.

This is a miracle - he says, and links to my track. This break was the best idea I ever forced on someone! You have the whole thing down? Because I'm gonna push this for all it's worth.

A smile spreads across my face.

Is this what it means to fail up?

U like it?

He replies with a gif of a silver screen siren fainting dead away. Close your set with it when you're back. It gives me about a week to build some traction. U do u - cause right now you're on fire.

And it's happening. I'm going back on tour. I can make it another week. Then go and sing a song about my sexy as fuck priest. Who I just kissed.

And a text pops up on my screen.

My hand flies over my mouth.

Tell me you're okay.

I practically squeal. Just seeing his text makes me tingle from head to toe. I might have been okay a second ago, but now I'm not even close. I can hardly breathe.

Little bubbles appear. Then disappear. Then appear again. Then nothing.

I'm with Alice - I reply

Thank God - pops up in seconds. Like he's used to typing those letters. I'm sure he is.

Because I get it. He asked me how I felt about being gay the other night because he was looking out for Alice. He asked me to be kind to Angela because he probably knew she was pregnant and engaged to a dipshit. And just a few nights ago, he was kneeling before Rose and praying for her and her baby.

And sure he's ridiculous.

And hot.

And he kisses like he could patent that shit.

But more than all of it...

You're a really good priest - I reply without thinking.


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