Chapter 13 - Fellowship

 

Chapter 13. Fellowship

Bella

Emily offers up her car and driver, which is a godsend, but it's still going to take forever to get from Manhattan to South Brooklyn.

"Please, hurry," I beg the driver, wishing I could clear the traffic with my mind.

I check my cell, but I don't have any new updates from Alice.

My foot's tapping. My fingers are twisting. As far as I know, Rose's pregnancies have all been by the book. This is the first time I've ever gotten a frantic call about any of them.

"Shit," I mumble as we stall at a light before we can even get across the bridge.

From the other end of the backseat, Edward takes my hand. I don't think twice as I twine my fingers with his. This is what I need. When I need it. He's so freakin' good, it practically kills me.

"You talk a good talk, Bella, but I know how much your family means to you."

I shrug. "I only have one big sister. Alice and Angela, though..."

"Cast all your anxieties on Him, because He cares for you," he says quietly, and I'm not sure if it's for him or me.

Either way… "Drink?" I reply.

He smiles. "I wish."

"Yeah, me too." And I pull his hand onto my lap.

"Bella?"

"Uh huh?" I ask. I stare out the window as we slowly make our way over the East River, leaving the brightest lights behind.

"It's going to be okay," he tells me. "I have it on good authority."

I can't help but roll my eyes. "Don't even start with that crap, okay?"

"It's not crap."

"People die all the time, Edward. Bad things happen. God's either a moody bitch or he's just not there. There are no guarantees."

"He's here this time. Trust me."

I shake my head. "You're incorrigible, you know that?"

"I thought you were the incorrigible one?"

"Nope." I finally look over at Edward. He's watching me with eyes full of concern. I shiver. "Just human."

"Funny, me too," he says back.

"Wow. We have so much in common." I laugh a little, but it sounds sad.

Truth is, for a second backstage, I thought we did. I thought maybe he wanted the body that came along with this soul he's trying to save. And seriously, the feeling's mutual.

But that can't be right. He was too unguarded. He sounded too honest.

Christ, you're gorgeous.

I almost melted in his arms.

It was an absolutely uncomplicated thing to say.

I steal a glance at the good Father as he stares out the window of the car like it's any other night of the week. He might as well be holding grandma's hand, or Emmett's even.

Then it hits me. Maybe gorgeous women are uncomplicated for Father Edward. I went to a Catholic high school. I can see how it might make a certain kind of sense.

"Can I still ask you anything?" I wonder out loud.

He smiles as he looks back in my direction and clutches my hand tighter. "Of course. Anything."

Hot, honest, hand holding priest.

I shiver again. Is it cold in here?

I eye Edward. Nope. Still hot.

I take a deep breath.

"Even a pretty personal question? I know you don't owe me an answer. I'm just a sinning sinner over here."

The corner of Edward's mouth twitches like he's trying not to smile. "Do you know what anything means, Bella?"

"Are you into guys?" I blurt out.

And he coughs.

Then he sees me sitting here, waiting for an answer that's probably way too personal.

"Seriously?" he asks.

"Sorry. Just seems like a logical strategy for a Catholic kid, maybe." I try to pull my hand from his. He holds on tight, like he doesn't want to let go.

He narrows his eyes at me. "Would it be a problem for you if I was?"

"For me?" I ask.

"Catholics…" he says with a shrug. Like he isn't one of them or something.

"It's one of the reasons I left the church," I explain. I want him to know I'd have his back. "You wouldn't have to worry about me. But you might have to worry about your God. Rumor has it he's pretty judgy when it comes to this kind of thing."

Edward swallows and looks uncomfortable.

"Listen, I'm sorry. It's really none of my -"

"I'm not gay, Bella."

"Oh." I glance at my lap, at his fingers twined with mine, then back at his face. He's looking at me with that same expression from earlier, from when I fell into his arms laughing. You know, when he told me I was gorgeous.

"Another question?" I ask. My voice sounds breathless and my cheeks go warm.

"Sure."

"Were you lying back there? Backstage?" From the look on Edward's face, it's obvious he knows what I'm talking about. From the look on his face, I also know the answer. I think.

"I'd be an idiot if I was," he tells me. No laughter. No smiles. Not Father Edward. Just Edward, staring straight into my eyes like a very hot, straight, human man.

I'm so out of my league.

He's not into guys. He thinks I'm gorgeous. He's celibate.

And maybe this is uncomplicated for him, but it's beyond complicated over here on my side of the backseat.

"My turn to ask a question?" he asks.

"I never promised you could ask me anything," I hedge.

"I'd like to chance it anyway."

Dear God, please don't let Edward ask whether I think he's gorgeous, because how am I supposed to lie about something like that? He's so fucking hot. Also, bless you for making hot men like him. Amen.

"What?" I ask. My voice comes out in a whisper. I can't look him in the eye.

"Who's Mike?"

Wait. What?

My stomach turns. It's not what I expected Edward to ask. At all. And I'm not sure if I'm relieved or repulsed - maybe a little bit of both.

He might be straight. He might like what I look like. But he's a priest, so he's not thinking about jumping in the sack with me. He's worried about how I jumped into the sack with Mike Newton.

Stupid, hot, ethical priest.

The car speeds around a corner and I slide across the leather seat and bump into Edward. We're too close. I want to scramble backward, but I don't. I think he's going to say something about us being so close. He doesn't, though.

"Bella, if you don't want to talk about -"

"Everyone with a pulse knows who Mike is," I admit reluctantly as I stare up into Edward's heavenly eyes.

He looks at me like he maybe doesn't have a pulse, but I know he does. I can feel it in his wrist, thumping against my fingertips. "Mike Newton?" I try to clarify. "Like Mikey Mike?"

"Sounds vaguely familiar," Edward says, but I can tell he doesn't have the faintest idea who I'm talking about. It's kind of comforting, him not knowing who fucked me over.

"I open for him, kind of. Like, I open for the opening act on his tour. I really don't want to talk about it, though."

Edward nods. "I can probably fill in the blanks."

I'm not sure what to say to that. I'm sure I know what he thinks of me, though. It's the same thing everyone thinks. I thought if I left home right after high school I could leave it behind. It turns out it's just me though. You can't escape yourself.

"Bella…"

I can't bring myself to say anything just yet. It's suddenly clear Edward shouldn't be here with me. It will only hurt his reputation in the long run, friends or not.

"He doesn't deserve you. You know that, right?" Edward asks, quiet but insistent.

"Stop it, okay?"

"Stop what? Reminding you that you don't deserve to be-"

"How can you say I don't deserve it when I ask for it? When I do all the wrong things always. With everyone."

He seems offended at the thought. "Oh, you wished it on yourself, did you?"

"I was stupid. I'm always stupid when it comes to other people. When it comes to men," I say, looking into his eyes, acknowledging he's one of those men. He might be a priest, he might be celibate, but I'll find a way to mess this up if I haven't already.

"You haven't done anything wrong when it comes to me, Bella," he says like he knows exactly what I'm thinking. Like he believes what he's telling me with all his heart.

"Yeah, right," I scoff.

"Do you regret tonight?" he asks. And it's such an earnest question I can't lie to him.

"For your sake I probably should. But, no, I don't."

Edward smiles then ducks his head. It's dark, so it's difficult to see, but I think he's blushing.

"You know, you haven't cornered the market on doing stupid things," he says, going into full on Father Edward mode. "Romans says it best. 'For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God.'"

"Drink," I tell him and laugh a little. But I stop when Edward doesn't join in. He looks serious and troubled. My priest but not my priest tonight. My friend. And all I want is to mess his life up too. "Sorry, Edward."

"Drink," he says back. Faintly smiling.

I wish.

"We're here, ma'am," the driver tells me.

And sure enough, when I glance out the window, a tall, tan hospital building is looming over us. Somewhere inside, my big sister's in trouble. Leave it to me to forget about everything except for the straight, celibate man holding my hand.

"I'm gonna find us some coffee and then catch up with you," Edward says and squeezes my hand before he lets it go.

xXxXx

I head off to find my family. This is Rose's fifth. I don't need directions to labor and delivery, even if I am still more than a little buzzed. From the liquor. And the handholding. And the memories of Edward gazing at me and telling me I'm gorgeous. And the memories of him refusing to take it back.

But when I make it to the fourth floor, the nurse at the front desk isn't feeling generous. "Visiting hours are over."

She doesn't leave room for an argument, but I try anyway.

"I'm not visiting," I tell her. "My sister's in trouble. Something about her blood pressure and an emergency delivery, and I just need to get through those doors. Right there."

I nod toward the double doors and take a step in their direction. The nurse stands, making it clear she's willing to do whatever it takes to enforce the rules.

"I'm afraid you'll have to come back tomorrow," she says like it's the end of the story.

I try texting Alice. I try texting my mom.

"Listen, lady," I begin, sizing her up. I'm pretty sure I can take her.

"I'm sorry, Miss, but-"

And Edward appears at my side with a cup holder and three large coffees.

He hands one to me. "Drink," he whispers in my ear.

I can't help but smile. I find myself kind of leaning into him.

"Father Edward!" the nurse gushes. "Who are you here for so late at night?" She bats her eyes. She smoothes her hair. She blushes, for God's sake.

I know the feeling, lady.

"We're here for Rose McCarty, Shelly." He hands her one of the cups. "Can you point us in the right direction?" he asks her with a wink.

"Oh, Father, you shouldn't have," she says looking between the coffee and Edward. "You're too kind."

"Well, God bless you for working third shift."

Her face damn near turns purple. "I'm sure Mrs. McCarty will be relieved to see you. She's in room 429."

"You flirt." I nudge Edward with my elbow as we walk down the hall.

Edward's cheeks go pink and he can't quite look me in the eye. "Only when the Lord tells me it's necessary."

"Then the Lord is truly evil. Poor Shelly didn't stand a chance when you gave her that look."

"What look?" he asks innocently. He takes a long sip of his coffee.

I narrow my eyes. "Oh, you know the look."

"I don't have any idea what you're talking about, Bella."

"Yes, you do." I stop in the middle of the hall and grab his t-shirt to stop him too. I catch a glimpse of toned abs. Lord Almighty. My mouth goes dry. "You know the look. Give me the look, Edward."

And he does. Edward's eyes smolder as he gazes down at me, like I'm the only woman in the hospital. Hell, in the whole world. And I almost die on the spot.

"That's the one," I mumble, letting go of his shirt. My cheeks are on fire as I start walking down the hallway again. I think I know what a hot flash feels like.

"But only if the Lord tells me it's necessary," he repeats, quickly catching up with me.

His Lord has no mercy.

"You only use your powers for good, Buck?" I nod to the t-shirt stretched across the broad chest. Christ.

"With great power comes great responsibility," he teases. I shake my head. He's such a geek.

He runs a hand through his hair, and his biceps flex.

He's a hot geek. The hottest geek I know.

He doesn't even know how hot he is. God, I love that about him.

It's a good thing he doesn't wear Marvel t-shirts more often. Every Catholic female in Sheepshead Bay would faint dead away.

"Can I ask you another question?" I wonder out loud.

"You don't have to ask permission every time you want to ask me a question, Bella. Just ask."

"Do you work out?" Because seriously.

From over my shoulder I hear someone gasp. I look up to see my whole family staring at me and Edward, their mouths hanging open.

"Oh..." Edward says, dragging it out like he doesn't want to finish the thought.

"Shit," I moan, doing it for him.

"Bella!" Mom scolds.

"Sorry, Mom."

"Drink," Edward whispers in my ear, tapping my coffee cup with his. I can't help but laugh. He laughs too. We both drink as my family stares like we just landed from Mars or something.

"Father Edward?" Alice asks, looking between the two of us.

Edward tries not to choke on his coffee as he swallows it down. "Hi, Alice." He tries to straighten up and conduct himself in a more Godly way. "How's Rose doing?"

"She's in surgery, Father," Dad answers, shaking Edward's hand. "Thank you for coming. Rosie had to deliver tonight to keep them both healthy. It's a helluva thing. We're all sick with worry."

"Go figure. Bella's drunk." Angela stares me down, folds her arms across her chest, and shakes her head. "I'd say it's unbelievable, but… not so much. We don't need you here, Bella."

"She rushed all the way from Manhattan, Angela." Edward's stern. Like Old Testament stern. "I think Rose would want her here if she knew how worried Bella was."

He's so stern that Angela shuts the fuck up.

I'm either drunk or swooning. Maybe both.

I glance up at him and he smiles back, almost defiantly.

Yeah, definitely both.

It's all I can do to not to take his hand again.

"Alice, did you call Father Edward?" Mom asks. She's suspicious, but I can tell she's not sure of what just yet.

Alice is still looking between me and Edward. She doesn't answer.

"I needed him," I say. Truer words have never been spoken.

"What?" Dad asks.

"I needed his, um... " and I give Edward a quick once over. "Help?" I feel like I need Edward in a million indecent ways right now and half a dozen decent ones. Help is as true as any of the other things that come to mind.

"We were…" Edward's voice trails off, struggling as much as I am.

"Fellowshipping?" Alice asks.

"Right!" I say.

Edward snaps his fingers and points to Alice like she's saved the day.

"In Manhattan?" Angela asks.

I shrug. "Why not? God doesn't have a lock on Brooklyn, Angela."

"This seems very unorthodox, Father," Mom says.

"You know I've never been a very orthodox priest," he tells her, standing his ground, unashamed of being with me. I wish I could kiss him right now.

"Listen, Mom. It's gonna take a lot to get through to someone like me. He's pulling out all the stops." I smile up at him.

He grins back before turning to my family again. "That's very true."

"Sorry if I got you into shit with my family, though, Father."

"Drink," he says.

I giggle as I sip my coffee. My face is warm. Yeah, it's hot in here - as hot as the priest staring at me in front of my family. So fucking hot.

"Why the heck are you with him?" Angela asks me. "This doesn't make any sense."

"You know what, Angela. Get over it," Alice says.

"Excuse me?"

"You were pissed at Bella when she hung out with Ben."

"When she kissed Ben."

"He kissed me!" I try to clarify for the hundredth time.

"And then you were angry with her when she wouldn't talk to Ben. You get pissed at her when she's not acting religious enough. And now what? You're angry with her for spending time with a priest?"

Angela's mouth hangs open like it's frozen that way. I'm kind of thrilled to see Alice take her down like that. For me… and Edward.

"Your Great Aunt Sylvia hung out with priests from time to time." Dad winks at me. "She was double Catholic, you know."

"I don't… think that's a thing," Edwards says.

But I'm loving my dad double, maybe even triple right now. And maybe I can't hug Edward in front of the family, but I can hug Dad.

"Thanks for being here, baby," he whispers in my ear, giving me a squeeze. "It means a lot."

"I love you too, Dad."

"And any time you want to give it all up and just tour Brooklyn -"

Dad looks at me hopefully, like he's really expecting an answer. Like he thinks I'll just give up everything for a Brooklyn brownstone and an overbearing mom.

"I, uh -"

Emmett bursts through the swinging doors like the firefighter he is, interrupting all the family drama. "Yo! It's a boy!" He throws his hands up in the air like he just won the Super Bowl in blue scrubs, slippers, and a surgical cap.

Mom cuts through the crowd and grabs Emmett's arm. He wraps his arms around her in an enormous bear hug.

"Rosie's gonna be okay, Ma." He plants a big kiss on her cheek.

Everyone forgets about my un-date and huddles around my brother-in-law instead, clapping him on the back, hugging him, laughing and celebrating. I breathe easier hearing Rose is safe and also because I'm no longer in the spotlight with Edward.

"That was close," I say, but when I turn back toward the spot where Edward had been standing, he's gone.

I glance around the waiting room and think I catch a glimpse of him as he turns a corner. I disentangle myself from the rest of my family and hightail it down the hallway. I have a feeling I know where he's headed.

I stop when I find room 429. "I heard the baby is -" But the words lodge in my throat as I push open the door.

It's Rose's room, alright. She's lying in bed with a tiny baby on her chest and Edward's there with her too, kneeling next to her bed. He's holding her hand just like he'd been holding mine. His other hand is on the baby. His head is bent as he whispers a prayer, reverent as always.

I knew it from the first time we spoke. He really is a good priest.

I can't fuck this up for him.

Tonight was amazing, but it was wrong.

My phone buzzes in my back pocket and I pull it out. It's a text from Jake.

Rose ok?

And how the hell does he know? But he's asking because he cares.

I leave Rose with Father Edward and take a few minutes to text Jake back.