Chapter 30 - The Last Supper

 

Chapter 30. The Last Supper

Father Edward

Despite all the people gathered outside St. Mary's, my attention gravitates to Bella.

Not because she's wearing the same sweater she wore the night we went to see Emily Young or that it hangs off her shoulder in the same way it did that night. Not because the skirt she's wearing shows off just enough of her legs to make me wish I could see more, or the way her hair is pulled up into a messy bun, or how little wisps fall against her face.

Not even the way her eyes tell me, from across the street, that she's wishing we were alone. Just like I am.

It's because my chest feels heavy when she's away, lighter when she's near. Because, yeah, my love for God is pure, but it has so much more meaning since I met her. I don't want to remember a time when she wasn't here, and I can't stand thinking about her leaving me.

Because, without her, I don't feel entirely complete.

She exchanges a few words with Jasper before giving him a wave goodbye. It seems like a friendly conversation, but she looks a bit tense as she walks away.

I try to stay engaged with Charlie as he claps me on the shoulder, with Angela when she thanks me for the tenth time tonight, and with Renee when she shakes my hand, looking hesitant to chance another hug under the eyes of the Lord.

Instead of reaching out to touch Bella as she walks by, I busy my hand by running it through my hair.

She looks like she's trying to hide a smile as she passes me. Then she finds her dad and he wraps an arm around her.

I'd much rather she was here, by my side, with my arm around her. But it's not about what I want. Not now. Not like that. Right now we're here to celebrate someone joining their family.

I watch Angela laugh with her mother. I watch Ben kiss his bride to be on the cheek just before he climbs into a car with his buddies.

"How'd it go?" Jasper pulls my attention away from daydreams. He seems distracted. Pensive.

"It was fine. Were you and Bella talking?" I ask.

He chuckles a little. Like he was waiting for me to ask. "She's-"

"Amazing," I say, finishing his sentence.

"I was going to say irreverent," Jasper adds. He nods toward Bella, who's playfully flipping Alice the bird.

I try not to laugh out loud. "That too."

"Father?" Renee calls over to me. "Seven thirty. Don't forget."

I wave as Bella and her sisters pile into Rose's minivan. Bella sees me watching and gives me the smile before she ducks into the car. I do my best not to make it obvious to everyone just how overwhelmed that look makes me feel.

"Stocked up on rum just for you tonight, Father," Charlie teases.

The mere thought of alcohol makes me nauseous.

"He who mocks the hungover insults his Maker, Charlie."

Bella's father laughs and claps me on the back.

Emmett takes a break from trying to corral his kids. "Fucking lightweight," he jokes, then notices Jasper standing next to me and stops laughing immediately. He clears his throat. "No offense, Father."

"We'll see you over there," Charlie says as the two of them head out.

"You coming tonight?" I ask Jasper.

"I know how private the family is. I wouldn't want them clamming up on you."

He's teasing me and letting me know how full of shit he knew I was that first night out with Bella. "Besides," he says. "I've got some things I need to wrap up before I head back home."

"You're leaving?" The sudden sense of loss I feel is unexpected. His visit hasn't been all easy, but I've gotten used to having his council again. Even if we don't agree eye to eye on everything.

"Can't stay forever, Edward." He looks like he's debating something. "You don't have to either, ya know. Have you thought about Italy any more?"

I try to smile. "I have. I am. I'm just…"

"Waiting to see what Bella does?"

The way he calls me out shouldn't be a surprise. He's been doing it since we met.

I can't deny it's been on my mind. "She's leaving to go back on tour," I tell him, practically willing it not to happen. "That's not changing," I add, more as a reminder to myself than for Jasper.

"Then what's stopping you? St. Mary's?"

St. Mary's. The Swans. Bella's possible return.

"I like it here." It's not a lie. Not by a long shot. "The parish needs me."

He ponders and pats my arm. "They're lucky to have you. Just remember how much potential you have. How much I believe in you. Don't be afraid to spread your wings."

I hate thinking about disappointing the man. He's been there for me through every challenging part of my life. He found a place for me at St. Vincent's after my parents died, even though I was considered a problem. He taught me caring and understanding. How to trust people. Love people. He gave me all the tools I needed to have a better relationship with God. Then he gave me the freedom to build that relationship on my own terms.

He believes in me. He trusts me to make the right decision.

Forgive me, Jasper.

I'm just not sure we agree on what the right decision is anymore.

xXxXx

Charlie stands at the head of a long table in the private room of an Italian restaurant on the water.

"Renee and I knew we wanted a big family when we got hitched. What did we say, Renee? Ten kids?" He winks. Renee laughs.

Then Charlie's smile fades. "But Angie got sick and it took all we had to keep it together for a while. I remember you in the hospital, Angie, hooked up to all those tubes and monitors. I worried I'd never see this day. But here we are, thank God."

He raises his glass to me, like I'm God. I try to ignore all the eyes on me when he does it.

"After a lot of prayer and probably some luck, we're all present and accounted for tonight. All in this room together. My family's not perfect. No family is. Tonight we're gonna get ready to make our imperfect family just a little bit bigger. To Angela and Ben."

Charlie holds up his glass to the room.

His words bring a tearful smile to Angela's face. I notice Ben eyeing the table where his groomsmen are sitting, but he keeps his arm around his fiancé, supporting her. Anyone else watching might think he looks like a dutiful fiancé. I wish I were so sure.

I raise my glass of water and watch Bella as I take a sip. She doesn't join in on the toast.

With everyone's attention on Angela and Ben, I watch Bella all I want. It's a welcome contrast to last night where every word I said, every glance I stole, every kiss I desperately wanted, seemed like it was being dissected in great detail.

Or maybe that was just me.

Watching her is about all I've been able to do. Bella was seated with her sisters and the bridesmaids at dinner. I've spent most of the night next to Charlie and Emmett… and Ben. Which, given the number of people here, has made me feel miles away from her.

It's been a challenge, wanting to move closer to her. To touch her. Talk to her. Hear her laugh. Debate who the real heroes are in any given Avenger movie.

Christ, she leaves in less than two days. What the hell am I going to do then?

To make things worse, she's barely looked in my direction the entire meal. Wondering why has been gnawing at me all night.

I distract myself by taking a look around the room. The Cheneys seem so reserved, so formal. They keep to themselves at a table near the back.

They're the polar opposite of the Swans. So perfectly flawed, and yet, you can see they love each other, too. Rose and Emmett look completely at ease, enjoying a conversation that doesn't entail simultaneously herding children. Alice keeps busy with her Maid of Honor obligations, despite sneaking peeks at her phone throughout the night.

Even Renee seems relaxed as she stands and slides a hand around Charlie's waist. She goes up on tiptoe to kiss him on the cheek. They share a moment with each other that makes me want to seek Bella out again.

She's leaning against the bar across the room, staring at me like she's been waiting for me to notice.

I smile and show her my water. She smiles back and I could swear we're thinking the same thing. When is this dinner over?

I start toward her to see how she's holding up when Emmett stops me, mid-stride. "Hey Ed… uh, Father, I need some extra man power. Got a minute?"

"Of course," I tell him, forcing myself not to look back at Bella.

We pass Ben as we leave. Emmett doesn't ask him for help. Probably because it's his rehearsal dinner.

Outside, Emmett yawns. "I can't remember the last time I was out two nights in a row."

"Me either," I agree.

"Hair of the dog, though, right?" He elbows me.

"Not tonight," I tell him. I won't be drinking a drop of anything but water.

"Smart move. You come to a lot of these things? Rehearsal dinners for parishioners you're marrying?"

"Not really," I tell him honestly. "This one's... unique."

Emmett chuckles under his breath.

Things feel easy with him. Like last night. Granted, I don't remember much from the bar. But I do remember laughing with him, talking about the most ridiculous topics, and hearing stories about Bella's childhood. Maybe a hug at the end of the night?

"You ready for tomorrow?" he asks.

"Honestly?" I blow some air out. "It was touch and go for a while there but… ready as I can be, I guess."

"I hear that," he says. Almost like he's got something to add but decides against that idea.

Instead, he has me help him with some equipment he's brought to the restaurant.

I laugh. "Doing some sound mixing tonight?"

He lifts a stand out of the back and hands it to me, then a box of CDs. "Rosie and I did karaoke at our wedding rehearsal. It was a fucking blast. Dad thought it'd be fun to make it a tradition."

Emmett doesn't bother to apologize for cursing. It makes me feel more relaxed than it probably should. Like he's just a normal friend. Who's not a priest.

I think back to that first time Bella visited my office. She asked if I was allowed to have friends. My answer was theoretical back then. It isn't anymore.

I notice some bridesmaids sharing a smoke and some gossip as we head back into the restaurant. They giggle when they see us.

Emmett nods to one of them. "'Sup, Rachel. You guys singing later?"

"God, no" she says, then she recognizes me and her face drains of all its color. She looks horrified. "Sorry, Father."

Emmett laughs. And I couldn't agree more. Using the Lord's name in vain is the least of my worries at the moment.

"I expect your request within the hour," Emmett jokes with her as the door closes behind us.

xXxXx

"Yes!" Alice practically shouts when she sees us lugging the boxes into the restaurant. She immediately starts directing Emmett about how to set everything up.

I pray I'm not asked to sing. I might lose parishioners.

Then I wonder if Bella will. Or if she'll avoid it altogether.

I scan the restaurant for her again.

She's with Rose. Laughing, waving her hands around, talking animatedly like maybe they're sharing a story about Rose's… breasts?

Yeah. I am not interrupting that conversation.

Besides, her family doesn't have much time left with her.

I don't have much time left with her.

Fuck it.

Awkward or not, I start to head over to her, but I'm stopped by Emmett. Again.

"Ed, do me a solid?" He digs into his pocket and pulls out his keys, then holds them out for me. "I forgot to lock the van up."

I sigh but take them while he works on getting some music synced to a TV on stage.

Rhinestone Cowboy starts to play as I head for the exit. Suddenly, I hear Charlie belting out the first lines to the song and I double-time it. Hearing him sing is going to give me just the entertainment I didn't know I needed tonight.

I lock Emmett's damn van for him, passing the bridesmaids again. Back inside, Charlie's on his second verse. He looks like he's struggling so hard up there. I almost feel sorry for him.

Almost.

Then I recall the hangover I woke up with and I definitely do not have any sympathy for the man.

The Lord works in mysterious ways.

"Father! Do a lemon drop with us!" Ben calls out. He's huddled with his groomsmen at a table all to themselves. He's drunk. He's sloppy. And I have absolutely no desire to encourage him.

I ignore him and he doesn't seem to care either way, thankfully.

As Charlie's song comes to an end, he can't hop down off of the stage fast enough. "Wanna take a crack at it, Father?" he asks as he wipes his brow and tries to pass me the mic.

"I don't think so," I tell him. It's not up for debate. They really do not want to hear me sing.

Luckily, Charlie laughs it off and simply hands the mic back to Emmett.

Loud, boisterous laughter grabs my attention. It's Ben again. He slams back another shot before heading outside alone. His groomsmen all get a good laugh at his expense, but hopefully, the fresh air will clear his head.

I search for Bella again. She's with her mother on the other side of the room. When I catch her eye, she bites her lip and tilts her head like she's debating something.

Then I have an idea.

I nod toward a hallway nearby that leads to an exit in the back of the building. Bella glances there and back to me. Then she whispers something to Renee.

xXxXx

I pace as I wait for her and hope no one else finds this spot.

When she meets me in the dimly lit space, Bella's smirking, trying to be playful. But there's some hesitancy. Something's weighing her down.

"You okay?" I ask. But then her smile turns genuine. It's the smile she saves just for me.

"I'm good. You needed something, Father?"

"Yeah." I slip a hand around her waist and pull her close. "Just this."

Her eyes go wide and she looks back toward the restaurant.

"Bella?"

She searches my face like she's wondering if I've finally lost my mind.

"I'm not crazy, Bella," I tell her. "I just…"

I explain what I am with a kiss. She's all soft edges. Sweet lips. Willing tongue. And her body fits against mine, so easily. But the feeling I get when she's with me this close isn't soft. It's hungry and anxious.

I'm so lost in the moment, I don't give a fuck who sees.

Bella backs up. She's pressed against the wall. My hands are in her hair and little pins fall to the floor around us. Her hands stay at my hips. Just there. No further. And I'm craving more. Like back in her cottage. On the couch. On the floor. In the chaise.

On the bed. Just her and me. Nothing but time. The time we don't have.

She's cautious. Not with the kiss but with everything else. No wandering hands pulling at my shirt. No suggestions of things she'd like to do.

A soft noise at the back of her mouth makes me want more. Right now. Leave the dinner, find that bed, lose the clothes, and get her to make more sounds like that. Maybe get her to say my name.

Her hand slips between us, against my chest, and she breathes heavy, shaky. Her eyes are dark. Like she wants to get out of here too. But she doesn't say it. She doesn't say anything.

"Bella and… Father?" someone asks.

I step away from Bella. I smooth my shirt. Bella fidgets with her hair.

Angela rushes down the hallway toward us. "I can't find Ben anywhere. I've barely seen him since Dad's toast."

I point down the hallway. "I saw him head outside a few minutes ago."

She lets out a relieved sigh. "Oh, good. I thought he was making a last minute run for it." Angela laughs. It's nervous, but I think she's genuinely kidding. Maybe.

Bella quietly groans as Angela heads back toward the front of the restaurant.

"Faith, huh?" Bella asks.

Then something hits me. And, yeah, as much as I want to be with Bella right now, and I really want to be with Bella, I'm still Angela's priest. Still God's front man.

"Yes, faith," I tell her with a quick kiss. "Hold that thought."

I catch up with the bride-to-be in the lobby. "I'll help you find him," I tell her, holding open the front door. I tell myself it's just a precaution. There's no way in hell Ben's that stupid. Or insensitive. But as we step out onto the sidewalk, those thoughts are forgotten as divine intervention makes a showing.

"Fuck," Angela and I say together.

At the corner of the restaurant and an alleyway, about a hundred feet away, we spot Ben having a private conversation with one of the bridesmaids. She's leaning up against the brick building. He's holding himself up with one hand against the wall, next to her head, the other is in his pocket.

Technically, they're just talking, but they're entirely too close for it to be innocent.

Angela's frozen in shock. The expression on her face breaks my heart.

Tears well up in her eyes. Her lip quivers. Her face flushes. "I thought it was just Bella," she whispers in a small, shaky voice as she watches her fiancé.

After another moment, she quietly slips back inside, takes a seat in the waiting area, and stares at the floor. I sit next to her and try to come up with something to say that might comfort her.

"Angela-"

She holds a finger up.

I can tell her mind is moving a million miles a minute. I just don't know what it is she's working out. Is she thinking about how to confront him? Or wondering if she should let it slide?

If she does decide to let it slide, where does that leave me?

I have no idea.

She looks up at me with determination in her eyes.

"Can I ask you a favor, Father?"

"Anything," I promise.

"Don't tell anyone, okay?"

She's asking me to take a pretty big leap of faith. Given how many times I've asked her to trust me over the past year, I owe it to her. Whether it's been about the word of God, or her relationship with Ben, she's trusted me. For a long time, her mother treated her like she's the most delicate thing on this planet, bending over backwards to make sure she's happy, doing everything in her power to make sure this wedding happens.

Maybe Angela needs someone to believe she's stronger than that.

It's the least I can do.

"Okay," I tell her.

She forces a smile and wipes the tears from her face. When we stand, she gives me a hug.

"Thanks Father," she says before she leaves me there.

Give her strength, Lord, I ask as I watch her disappear down a hallway. Then I make my way back into the crowded dining area.

I don't have to look very far to find Bella this time. She's standing just to the side of the stage looking up at her brother-in-law with that stubborn look in her eyes I know so well.

"Come on, Bella." He cups his hands to his mouth. "You sing for a living!"

She's biting her lip, tucking her hair, looking down like she's searching for a supernatural portal to exit through.

"Bell-a! Bell-a! Bell-a!" He starts to chant. Then her sisters join in.

"I have no idea what to even sing, Emmett," she insists.

Charlie pipes in. "Sing one of your songs, honey."

He's relaxed, with one arm around Renee, holding a can of Bud. Renee looks slightly uncomfortable for the first time tonight. She whispers something to her husband, but he shakes his head. Then I see something else in her expression and I'm filled with hope for her relationship with her daughter.

Bella throws her hands up. "I don't even have my guitar."

I laugh. Like her family would let her off the hook that easily.

"You don't need one!" Rose yells.

"Girl's got perfect pitch," Alice adds. "Sing the one you can't stop humming!"

"Bell-a! Bell-a!" Emmett chants again into the mic.

When she finally gives in, blushing her way up onto the stage. I hold my breath, waiting to hear the voice that's given me ideas about a different kind of future.

Emmett hops down and stands next to me. He crosses his arms and leans in to whisper, nodding toward his sister-in-law. "Remember the story about the talent show and Bella's stage fright the night her parents showed up?"

I have no idea what he's talking about.

He laughs. "Not much has changed."

I try to imagine a young Bella up on stage in high school, looking this beautiful, this hesitant. Like she doesn't think she can do it here, in front of family and friends.

Then slowly, she starts to sing. For them. For me.

For us.

"I think you're wrong, Emmett," I tell him, but my eyes are glued to the woman who steals a little more of my heart every day I know her. "Everything's changed."

At first, I think she's going to sing my hymn again. It's what I was hoping for. But as I listen to the words, I can tell this isn't the hymn.

This is something new.

Something I may have caught a glimpse of in her notebook last night.