Chapter 35 - Redemption

 

CHAPTER 35 - Redemption

Bella

Sleep is for suckers. Or at least for those who have all the time in the world.

Clothing is for people who can pick and choose when they want to undress one another.

Showers should always be for two.

Edward seems to agree as he comes up behind me while I finish brushing my teeth, slips a hand underneath the towel I wrapped around myself, then tugs it out of the way.

I wipe the condensation from the bathroom mirror so I can see the two of us - wet hair, damp skin. His vows in reverse, the mirror image of my important dates on my ribs. I run my finger over the spot where I'm putting the next one. I already know what it is.

Edward slides his arm around me, placing his hand over mine. And I press it there, where the date's going to go. His date. Ours.

He pushes my hair over my shoulder and kisses the back of my neck.

"What now?" I ask.

I feel an immediate twinge of regret when Edward knits his brows. I was asking about this moment. I don't want him to think I'm asking about anything else.

He gets it, though. He slides one hand up to cup my breast and pinch a nipple. I lean against the vanity for support. His other hand slides lower. I'm sore, but I don't give a fuck. I want to be so sore I feel him all through the Midwest. I want to feel him in Europe.

He watches what he does to me in the mirror and I feel him hard and ready against my back. I roll my hips, wriggle a little, pushing myself against him. I watch his reflection as he pulls his bottom lip between his teeth.

I tip my hips so he falls, hard and heavy between my thighs. I press them together and gasp as I rub forward and back.

His eyelids flutter, his jaw clenches. Then he focuses on our reflection. I watch his expression change from gentle and considerate to hungry. Needy. Rough and raw, he pulls me against him, and with one strong push he practically picks me off the ground. I grip the vanity and he holds my hips. And we watch as he makes me come.

xXxXx

We've cleaned out the cupboards. We spike raspberry zinger with rosé, finish the last frozen pizza, and pass the last bottle of champagne back and forth between the two of us. Naked and bundled in blankets, we're sprawled on the couch, our limbs tangled with one another.

We tried Netflix, but it didn't last. I can't concentrate on anything but Edward. He's better than all of it.

The unused condoms sit in their protective packets next to my laptop like a sign this is all coming to an end. After they're gone, Edward will go back to being a priest. I'll go back to the rest of my life, something that's on the verge of being more fabulous than I ever dreamed. Without a priest in tow.

I wrap my arms around him and rest my head against his chest. I breathe him in.

"What time do you think it is?" he wonders out loud.

I shake my head. "I don't want to know."

He sighs as he places a hand on the back of my head. "Me either."

I lay against him, between his thighs. I try not to count anything - seconds, minutes, heartbeats. Instead, I pretend time stands still.

Edward runs his fingers through my hair. "Can I get you anything?" he asks. He kisses the top of my head.

I hold him tighter. "Just you."

"You got it."

I don't say 'for now'. Instead I say, "Thank God."

"For real," he agrees. He rests his chin on my head and he's quiet. It's a heavy silence, one I've come to recognize.

I snuggle against Edward while he prays. I'm relieved he still feels that connection with the divine. It gives me hope I didn't ruin him, that after I leave he can go back to being a fuck-awesome, unorthodox priest. Giving all of his parishioners what they need. When they need it.

Offering a lighter to a drunk lady in her parents' backyard.

Offering a confession to a crying woman on a Thursday night.

Offering a meal to someone who just ran out on her parents.

Offering a dance to a girl who shows up to a family function on her own.

I fight back irrational jealousy. No matter how many people he ministers to, it won't take away the time we've shared.

"What about you?" I ask.

"What about me?"

I sit up and straddle his lap then pull the blanket over my shoulders and around the two of us, so it's just me and him. Stars glitter outside the window. They're not as bright as the stars in his eyes. I push the damp hair from his forehead then hold his face in my hand. His stubble is rough against the tips of my fingers.

He kisses my open palm then goes for my mouth.

At first it's just the softest brush, little more than his breath. His hand grips the back of my head and presses me into him. Our bodies flush, I'm spread over him with lips parted, taking everything he's willing to give, giving back as much as I can.

I don't want to leave anything off the table. I don't want him to have any regrets.

I lean my forehead against his and wrap my arms around his neck.

"Is there anything?" I ask. "Anything at all you want before you have to go? I'd give you anything you asked."

He swallows. His hands rest on the small of my back as he gathers his thoughts.

"I couldn't hide my feelings. I couldn't hide anything when it came to you." He shakes his head a little, like he's disappointed in himself. "Alice and Jane, Emmett... Fuck, even Jacob Black has an idea."

"I'm sorry," I tell him.

"Drink," he says, and shushes me with a kiss.

When he pulls away, I smile. "But we just finished all the champagne."

"Then you owe me one."

"Fine," I huff. "Deal."

"What I was trying to say..." He looks hesitant and uncertain. Then he bites his bottom lip.

"I love it when you do that," I tell him. The words just slip out. So close, yet so far from the ones I've been holding back. I trace his bottom lip with a finger. "Poor bitten lip," I murmur.

I kiss it. To make it better. I press myself against him, rocking back and forth.

He grips my hips and tries to look stern. "You need to stop moving. Otherwise I can't think straight," he says, all tightly wound hard muscle beneath me.

I scoot back on his lap and he looks me over as I wait. It's like he's touching each part of my body with his eyes. I take the moment to look back, to memorize.

"You'd do anything?" he wonders.

"Name it, buddy."

He reaches for my hand, twines his fingers with mine and holds them over his heart. Over his vows.

"I want to keep the rest of this night for us. Just for me and you. Not family or friends. Not even Him." He glances overhead then back to me. "Something we can keep between us forever."

For a moment my mind spins, wondering what he's asking. Something scandalous? Something dirty? Something else he read about on Wikipedia? He's got to know I'd never judge him.

"I would never -" I start to say, but the words die in my throat when I recognize the look on his face.

Who needs to say three words, when you can read them in someone's eyes?

My chest aches. I think it's how it feels when your heart reaches capacity.

"Promise," I say. "Just me and you. Forever."

I'm a girl of my word.

No one's going to know about the rest of our night.

Not even you.

xXxXx

I wake to the smell of coffee again and smile as I roll over in the bed. No blankets, no sheets, not even Edward, just my naked body, warm in a pool of morning sunlight. I crack open my eyes and there's a steaming mug on the nightstand next to a sprig of tiny white flowers we spotted out on the dunes.

"Oh my God, thank you," I say as I rub my eyes and sit up. Suddenly chilly, I reach for the coffee at the same time I reach for a sheet.

Edward doesn't answer.

With one look around it's obvious the cottage is empty. He's not in the kitchen. The bathroom door's wide open. With a quick glance out on the balcony, I see he's not there either.

Everything's been tidied. The pillows are plumped and back on the couch. Blankets are folded neatly over the back of a chair. The dishwasher hums.

My purse hangs on the hook next to the door and my heels are lined up neatly beneath it. Even my dress and panties are folded on top of the dresser.

The only evidence he was here is the ache between my thighs.

With one last ray of hope, I check countertops and tables. There's not even a note. I get it, though. There's nothing he could have written that I don't already know in my heart.

I knew this was temporary. I hoped I didn't mess up his life, and I haven't.

He has Mass this morning. I'm really glad he's where he needs to be.

There are people who need him.

Me? I'll take what he gave me and figure out the rest.

My phone buzzes on the nightstand and I lunge for it, hoping against hope it's Edward.

It's not.

It's a text from Alice. CU at Mass?

Don't know if I should - I text back.

Please? Alice begs. Bringing Jane. Angela's freaked. She might see Ben.

I'd kill him if he said anything - I reply.

It's why we need you. Please?

I wrap my body in the sheet and plop down on the couch, hoping it'll smell like him. Or hoping maybe we left champagne bottle rings on the coffee table. There's nothing. Just a neat stack of magazines.

Don't know - I text

He'd want you to come, dork. It's Sunday. U should B at church with your family.

For the first time in my life those words ring true. I know where I belong.

xXxXx

Packing is easy, but leaving the cottage is much more difficult. There's no way I can come back and face this place again after church, so I take my bags with me as I head out. The Uber leaves me standing in front of St. Mary's in comfortable traveling clothes, holding my luggage, with a guitar slung over my shoulder. Families stream past me, up the steps. That's where my own family is waiting, off to the side.

Emmett's got his arm around Rose's shoulders and his hand over her breast. She pushes him off her, but then I see she's leaked breast milk all over her dress. She puts his hand back and he laughs.

My mom is talking with Angela. It's the kind of talk I know well. I'm no longer the bad kid. It doesn't feel as satisfying as I thought it would.

Alice holds little Eddie and Jane plays with his toes. Meanwhile, Dad's trying to wrangle my nieces and nephews as they climb all over the railing like a pack of monkeys.

I don't know why I never saw it before, but the whole lot of them are just as messy as I am.

As much as I want to join in, I'm afraid to sit with them for Mass. I should probably leave. I don't want to throw Edward off his game by surprising him.

Alice sees me, though, and rushes down the steps to meet me. Eddie starts fussing and I pluck him out of her arms.

"Shush, little man. You gotta get used to church. You've got eighteen more years of this shit," I tell him.

"Are you okay?" Alice asks.

The look on my face says it all, I guess, because she throws her arms around me. It feels so good, I don't think I'll ever let her go. As the first notes of the processional hymn ring out, I glance up at the church. My dad gives us an impatient wave as he follows the rest of the family inside. The doors close behind him and the rest of the stragglers.

Alice pulls away and smiles as she tries to straighten my hair. I worry I might be the sister vomiting in the bushes this time around.

"It's not about me," I tell her. "I should probably meet you back at Mom and Dad's."

Alice grabs my luggage with one hand and wraps her arm around my waist with her other.

"You're right, Bell. It's not about you. I mean, I think I was the one to teach you that lesson."

"Nah, just the first person I heard."

"It's about us all. Which is why it wouldn't be right if you weren't here too."

As much as the idea of seeing Edward up on the pulpit tears me up inside, as much as I worry that seeing me one more time might throw him off course during Mass, I try something new. I look down at my nephew in my arms.

"Check this out, Eddie. This is what it looks like to have faith."