Chapter 33 - Marriage

 

Chapter 33. Marriage

Bella

---

Sunlight filters through the blinds, little slivers of gold breaking through the darkness. I blink and roll over, and my heart stutters in my chest.

Poverty

Chastity

Obedience

Edward.

His naked chest rises and falls. Asleep and relaxed, the planes of his face are all sharp angles and sweeping curves - stubble along his jaw and skin slightly flushed. He has eyelashes like Bambi that should make no sense on a man. In sleep, they press against the skin just below his eyes. A sprinkling of freckles over the tops of his cheeks and the bridge of his nose make him look younger than he is.

My eyes travel lower, over his chest with its dusting of light brown hair, to the ripple of his abs, to the white sheet bunched just below his waist. Even in sleep he looks ready to practice again.

Christ.

I close my eyes.

xXxXx

"Would you show me how?" he asked, biting his bottom lip.

My body shudders with the memory. He asked me with such earnestness and such intense desire.

I remember the way he wrapped an arm around my waist, pulling me close, and the feel of him against me, already half-hard. I remember the pleasant burn between my thighs, my body aching for release.

With a quick kiss to his lips, I looked into his eyes and nodded my head. I couldn't help smiling but pretended to be serious.

"We're going to need a pen and some paper."

Edward began to roll away from me, but I held on tight, and he let me trap him there. On the bed. On his back.

"I was kidding, you dork."

He threw his arm over his face but let me pry it away.

"You're making fun of me," he huffed.

I climbed on top of him, skin against skin. As I slipped along his length, I felt him grow full beneath me. I flexed my hips, forward and back. He closed his eyes and hissed. His fingertips dug into my hips, lifting me off him.

"You want another thirty seconds?"

"It was at least ninety."

"Whatever the fuck it was, it was magic. I want you to feel the same."

"Here," I said, taking his hand. His finger between us, mine over his. A little pressure and I almost died. I knew it wasn't going to be difficult. Not there, with him, with the little bedside lamp still lit. I shivered. I rocked… our fingers, my hips. My hair fell over my eyes, so I caught just glimpses of him watching me - my face, my tits, where our hands worked together, and I was on fire. My body shuddered. My thighs clenched. My breath came hard and fast. I braced myself with my free hand on his chest.

"Do you… do you…" I brushed myself over him and couldn't finish the question. With another stroke I was dying.

"No, just you," he said. His finger slipped from underneath mine, sliding inside, fast and deep, and again. His palm pressed against my finger over my clit, and it's all it took. I gasped, as wave after wave of fire rolled through my body, and my mind felt like it came undone in an explosion of light.

I opened my eyes and there was Edward, wide-eyed and worshipping.

"Fuck," he whispered beneath me. He rubbed his hands over my thighs then wrapped them around my waist pulling me down so we were chest to chest. "You okay?" he asked.

"Um, you think?"

I brushed his nose with mine. Placed a soft kiss against his lips.

"So fucking beautiful," he murmured.

I wiggled on top of him. "So fucking hard."

His eyelids fluttered. "You're gonna kill me."

I hummed. "I'd take that kind of death over and over again."

I peppered kisses over his cheek, his neck. I pulled his earlobe between my lips. "And again and again," I whispered.

"Again?" he asked.

"You have anything better to do?"

I yelped as Edward flipped me over so I was on my back. He knelt between my legs, reached for a condom with one hand, the other between my thighs. "Right here?" he asked with concentration. Dedication. His fingers were gentle, yet more certain.

I answered with a moan.

xXxXx

Dear God.

I'm dying for more, but should probably let him sleep. We were up most of the night. I want to take care of him like I've never wanted to look after another person before. I want the best for him, whatever it is.

Before I realize what I'm doing, I'm murmuring a prayer I learned as a kid.

Jesus, Eternal Priest, keep Your priests within the shelter of Your Sacred Heart, where none may touch them.

Mom taught us all when Father Volturi was sick. She'd make us say it each night before bed.

Keep unstained their anointed hands, which daily touch Your Sacred Body.

I look down at his hands. So relaxed. His nails are neat and trim. I wonder about the rough pads on his fingertips. Another question I have left to ask. There are so many. I close my eyes and remember the way those hands clenched my thigh and my hip that second time he came.

Keep unsullied their lips, daily purpled with Your Precious Blood.

After all his talk about kissing, he finally pressed his lips over my belly, then over my hip, over my first tatt - a little black cross - then moved to my inner thigh, before finally placing a soft, chaste kiss between my legs.

I sighed, pressing myself against him, and he kissed his way back to my mouth.

Keep pure and unearthly their hearts, sealed with the sublime mark of the priesthood

I watch the thud of the pulse in his neck then read the vows over his heart. Some might say what we did last night wasn't pure, but they'd be wrong. He didn't hide anything. He didn't hold back.

He cared about me completely so I let myself care right back. I let myself enjoy every second and I let him know what felt good. What tickled - laughing until tears sprang to my eyes. What he might like.

I don't think I ever really knew joy, not until last night.

Let Your holy love surround them and shield them from the world's contagion.

I love him. Totally. Completely. Undeniably.

Bless their labors with abundant fruit and may the souls to whom they minister be their joy and consolation here and in heaven. Amen.

He is my joy. My consolation. I don't know if there's really a heaven, but he brought it here. To me.

I snuggle up next to him, careful not to wake him. He rolls to his side in his sleep. His arm pulls me close. His face is buried in my hair. He sighs. I close my eyes and try to stay awake. I want to remember everything. The rhythm of his heart. The scratch of his stubble on the back of my neck. His knee wedged between my legs. His breath. His warmth.

Every minute. Every second. There are so few of them left.

xXxXx

When I wake up again, it's to the smell of coffee. I roll over, but the bed next to me is empty. Then I open my eyes and see Edward in the kitchenette wearing just a pair of boxer briefs.

Dear Lord. Thanks. Love, Bella.

When he turns toward me he's got a steaming mug in each hand. His eyes meet mine and he smiles. His cheeks go pink. It's hot and adorable.

"Morning," I say. I sit up and the sheet falls around my waist. Edward's eyes dip.

"Should I?" I cover myself as he sits on the edge of the bed and hands over a mug.

"I actually prefer you didn't," he says with a coffee-flavored kiss, one that quickly builds and threatens to spill hot coffee all over us. So I reluctantly pull away.

"You're so goddamned sexy in these." I run a finger underneath the waistband of his briefs.

"You're sexier without." He reaches his hand beneath the sheet, clutching my bare hip. He sets his coffee down and pulls the sheet away, covering me with his body instead.

I giggle. "Again?"

"Practice makes perfect," he says between kisses. "We just have to make it fast."

"I think you proved that's not true." I put my coffee down, roll him over and climb on top of him.

"Breakfast should be here in ten," he explains.

That leaves nine and a half minutes I wouldn't want to spend any other way.

We eat on the balcony. He's wearing his jeans, I'm wearing his shirt. We're bundled under a blanket since the air's getting chilly. Fall's on its way. Pretty soon the leaves will be changing. It's the first year I think I might miss it.

Edward pulls my feet into his lap and rubs them gently.

I wiggle my toes. "Ask me anything?"

"Sure. Where to next?" he asks.

"I mean, my parent's house. Then the church. My sister's getting married."

Edward rolls his eyes. "When you get on the plane tomorrow, where will it take you?"

"Minneapolis. Then Des Moines and Kansas City." I sigh and try to ignore the urge to find my phone, text Alec, and call it all off.

"Are you worried about going back on the road… with Mike?"

My stomach turns. My hesitation has nothing to do with Mike Newton. I'm not sure how to answer.

"A little, I guess. I can handle myself, but it'll probably be weird at first. I'm sure he's moved on."

Edward looks out over the water, like he's concentrating on the horizon. "I don't think I could do it."

Of course, I know this. He's a priest. He's not going to follow me out on the road.

"Yeah, it's a weird kind of life. Not for everyone. For a while it didn't matter, though. It didn't feel like I had a home."

"And now?" he asks his mug.

"Now I wish I had one," I tell him honestly. It sure as hell doesn't feel like my apartment back in L.A. is home. Not my parents' house and not Jane's couch. This AirBnB is as close as I've come. I have to be out by three on Sunday.

Not to mention it's probably not the actual cottage that makes this feel like home, as cute as it is. It's the guy next to me, who suddenly seems scared to look my way.

"Maybe I'll have a home someday. A girl can hope, right?" I put down my coffee. I straddle his lap and make him look at me.

"I hope you get everything you want, Bella."

"Is it okay with you if I hope that for us both? Like in a silently talking to God kind of way?"

He reaches over and sets his mug down then rests his hands on my hips as he looks up at me. "I think that'd be more than okay."

xXxXx

The scene at my parent's house is as nutty as ever. Bridesmaids dressed in bright lilac satin jostle one another for mirror time. Alice's Maid of Honor dress is extra flouncy, but I don't even get a chance to give her shit for it. She's on the phone with the florist trying to track down a missing corsage. Mom's decided to channel her nerves into making sure everyone has coffee, tea, and bagels. There are half-filled mugs on every surface, just waiting to get knocked over by my nieces who are racing around the place scattering whatever they can get their grubby little hands on - marbles, popcorn, fistfuls of grass from the backyard.

Rose puts me in charge of little Eddie so she can lock down her daughters.

"You know who they remind me of?" she asks me.

I don't know what she's talking about. I never threw grass around the house. I suppose I do need to give Mom some credit, though. I did a lot worse.

Oddly enough, Angela is the calm in the middle of the storm. She's quiet. Patient. Deep in thought, but also somehow above it all. Like she's already moved on.

"Isabella!" Mom calls. "Your date's here!"

My heart immediately starts trying to beat a hole in my chest and I break out in a sweat. I have no idea why Edward would show up at the house. Did I forget my purse? Did he decide to leave the priesthood? I double-time it to the living room, trying not to drop Eddie, and I'm practically blinded by Jake's smile.

"Hey, Bella."

Right. I forgot. He's my date to this family function.

Jake glances around me at the chaos. My nieces race down the stairs with... is that Angela's veil? Then he looks me over and smiles. "You look good."

"Yeah, um, thanks. You too. You really didn't have to-"

"You have a minute?" he asks.

I close the door behind us as we step onto the front porch. Eddie fusses in my arms but calms down with some rocking and shushing. Jake smiles.

"You're good at that."

"Nah, Eddie's just a little angel."

"Yeah… Eddie."

I glance up from my nephew and… shit. "It's not what you-"

"I might have said things a little different if I knew who I was telling you to go after," Jake says.

I laugh. "Yeah, well too late now."

"A priest?" he asks, throwing his hands up. "He's definitely taken. I feel like an idiot giving you such stupid advice."

"Don't feel bad. I had the best week of my life." I wouldn't take it back for anything.

Jake smiles like he's being brave. He looks off down the street. "Yeah, well, you still want me there as your date?"

"You're family, Jake. I'm sure Ang would love it if you came."

He looks between Eddie and me, then back to the house. We hear my mom yelling about the veil. The front door's thrown open and my nieces tear past us laughing.

"I'll go if you need me," Jake says. "But I don't know if it's where I should be."

I've got my hands full, so I lean my forehead against Jake's shoulder. "I got this, Jake. Thanks."

xXxXx

Angela doesn't talk to anyone as we drive over to St. Mary's. She lets Rose fuss over her make-up as we wait for the ceremony. She has no opinion on whether Alice should divide two corsages in half to make up for the one that's missing.

One of my nieces stomps on Angela's train, and I think Mom's head is going to explode.

"It's fine, Mom," Angela tells her. "It doesn't matter."

Mom beams at my sister like she's looking into the face of God. "You're right. It's not about a dress. It's about you and Ben and the rest of your lives."

"Yes it is," she says. Her hands ball into fists. If Mom notices, she doesn't let on at all.

I try to head to my usual spot in the last row of pews, but Emmett beats me to the punch.

"I'm not going to let you hide back here. Family's up front, Bella."

Emmett seats me in the second row next to a little, old woman with lavender hair. She looks vaguely familiar, but my attention is elsewhere. Because family's not the only thing up front. Edward's there too. His collar peeks out from underneath his robes as he talks quietly with Ben. While I know this marriage is doomed, I can't help but have a little bit of hope knowing Edward's going to help them through it.

I may not have faith in God, but I have faith in him. I know he's going to try his best for them.

Almost like Edward can hear my thoughts, he glances over Ben's shoulder and our eyes meet.

His brow dips. He looks around then back to me and something changes. Ben's talking, but Edward isn't paying attention to anything he's saying. He's very busy. Watching me.

His Adam's apple bobs in his throat. He takes a deep, steady breath, and I remember the way it felt to have his chest pressed against me in bed. The way those hands felt on my hips. The way he spread and pushed.

I'm dimly aware of the pews filling up, and groomsmen walking Mom and Mrs. Cheney to their seats. Edward claps Ben on the back as the bridal party starts walking down the aisle.

Ben's sweating. I'm glad he's worried.

My family is fierce. I'm not the only one of us who sees Ben for who he is. Rose and Emmett are on the lookout too. It'll only take a little bit of work to get Alice on board. Ben doesn't know what he's in for.

Everyone stands when the organ begins playing the first notes of the wedding march. The doors of the sanctuary are thrown open and bright light streams inside.

People murmur as Angela walks slowly down the aisle with my dad. She's beautiful. Her dark brown hair is swept up, with little curls surrounding her face. Her skin is really pale, the kind of skin that looks as fragile as a bird's egg. She's flushed a pretty shade of pink, and her eyes seem huge. After everything that's happened these two weeks, she seems completely at peace.

Maybe that's faith.

I clearly have no idea how it works.

Once Angela's made it to the altar, I settle in, ready to watch Edward for a solid hour. He doesn't look at me once the ceremony begins, and I don't take it personally. He concentrates on my sister and I love him a little more for it.

He talks to Angela and Ben like they're the only people in the church. He speaks like this is something monumental.

For the first time in my life, I think I get it.

Marriage isn't something you want to fuck up.

My heart aches for my little sister and for Edward, both up there trying to do the right thing.

"Now Emmett McCarty will read to us from the book of Genesis, chapter one, verses twenty-six through twenty-eight," Edward says.

Emmett starts to walk toward the pulpit with a folded piece of paper in his hands.

Angela clears her throat loud enough for the whole church to hear. "Actually, I think I got this, Father," she says.

"It's okay, Ang. I won't forget the words again. I've got it written down," Emmett calls out, holding up the paper over his head.

People in the audience laugh under their breath. Patrick wails.

Angela rushes to meet Emmett at the pulpit where she urgently whispers something in his ear. Emmett's eyes go wide, and he looks like the cat who ate the canary as he takes his place back by the line of groomsmen. He shoots Alice a look, but she just shakes her head in bewilderment.

"Really, Ang?" Ben calls out. He looks exasperated, like he's about to lose his shit.

"Shut up, Ben!" she orders. She grips the podium and looks out at all of her friends and family gathered in the church. Her smile looks determined.

"What in the world?" I hear Mom whisper to Dad. He clutches her hand.

Angela takes a deep, shaky breath.

"Anyone who knows me, knows I've loved Ben from the first moment I saw him. I was eleven and he was playing tag with Rose and Bella. I couldn't run without coughing, but I wished I could just so I could tag him." Angela stops and looks over at Ben. "I finally tagged him, huh?"

People laugh. Mom seems like she's about to bolt for the pulpit, but Dad wraps an arm around her shoulder. "Let her do what she's gotta do, Renee," I hear him whisper.

"And then we found out we were pregnant," Angela says.

People all around me gasp. The little old woman next to me starts fanning herself.

Angela nods. "Yeah, right? I was shocked too. Didn't know if it was even possible after chemo. It was a miracle. It still is," she says, one hand over her midsection, her eyes lifted heavenward. "Then Ben said he wanted to marry me and it was my dream come true."

She steps away from the pulpit and looks over at Edward, then at Ben. "It doesn't mean I didn't see your faults, Benjamin. I was just so sure my love was enough to change things. To change you."

"Wait, Ang-" Ben starts to say. He takes a few steps toward my sister, but Edward places a hand on his shoulder and holds him in place.

"You cheated on me, Ben!" Angela shouts, her voice cracking, tears in her eyes. "More than once. More than I probably know. You tried to make out with one of my bridesmaids at our wedding rehearsal dinner, for crying out loud!"

Edward's actually holding Ben back at this point. There's hubbub all around me. Alice dashes across the altar to Angela's side. Rose hands Eddie off to Mom, and rushes to join them. My sisters stand on either side of Angela, ready to catch her in case she crumbles.

Angela looks out into the audience and her eyes settle on me. "I tried to blame my sister, Bella, for my fiancé's behavior. It wasn't fair. I'm sorry for that, Bell. I wasn't ready to face what all of this meant for me," she explains, like she's just talking to me, sister to sister.

I feel the eyes of everyone in the sanctuary turn my way. I'm tempted to slide lower in the pew, but then I catch the way Rose and Alice are looking at me, and I know how much they care. I see the look of pure devotion in Edward's eyes as he watches me. I sit taller. People can think what they want. It's what they were doing already.

I decide to wear my scarlet letter with pride.

"It meant I was scared," Angela says. "And I still am."

My sister turns back toward Ben. Tears are streaming down her face. She takes a few slow steps in his direction until it's just Edward that's separating them.

"I can't marry you. I can't do it, Ben. I'm more scared to be your wife than to be an unwed, unloved mother. Because you're a selfish, smooth-talking, two-faced son of a motherfucking bitch."

"Jesus Christ, Angela. What the fuck?" Ben tries shoving Edward, and Emmett steps up to help hold him back.

Mom gives the sign of the cross and hides her face against Dad's chest.

"Go to fucking hell, Ben Cheney!" Angela shouts, wiping at her tears. "From the bottom of my fucking heart, go to fucking Hell!"

I jump to my feet and clap, slow and loud. I'm proud of my sister and so ready to put Ben fucking Cheney behind us all. The sound of my clapping echoes through the sanctuary. When I look around, I notice I'm the only person standing. Definitely the only person applauding. If all eyes weren't on me before, they are now.

"Sorry," I say to our guests, then smooth my dress and sit back down. "I'm not really sorry," I whisper to the old woman sitting next to me.

"I wouldn't be either," she says and nods toward the pulpit, to Edward, who's looking right at me as he tries to hide a smile with his fist.

I know that move of his. I shake my head, like he should know better than to laugh at a time like this. I should know better than to smile, but I can't help it. Neither of us can.

"He's quite the looker, isn't he?" the woman next to me asks.

"You should hear his homilies."

Ben's not fighting to get closer to Angela anymore. In fact, he looks like he's ready to bolt. The Cheneys actually do. They stand up and start walking back up the aisle without a word to anyone around them.

"If it's okay with you, Father," Angela says, "There's not going to be a wedding today."

Edward's beaming as he wraps an arm around her shoulder. "It's fine with me, Angela."

"We should still have the party, though. Right?" Angela asks with a crazed laugh. She tugs at her dress like it's suddenly too tight, then starts to pull off her veil. "An 'I really dodged a bullet' party?"

This time I'm not the only one who stands and applauds. So does the woman next to me. So does my dad. Alice and Rose throw their arms around Angela. All of Rose's kids bum-rush the stage, jumping for joy. Emmett hollers and I think I hear him start talking to some of the other groomsmen about karaoke 2.0.

My family is the best.

xXxXx

Eventually, people start to filter out of the church. Some are talking about heading to the reception. Some are scowling. Some laugh like this has been the event of the year. I head in the opposite direction and meet Edward at the pulpit.

I punch him playfully on the shoulder. Any other kind of contact would probably end in a kiss. The wedding may not have gone as expected, but making out with a priest at the end might just be pushing things too far.

"Faith, huh?" I ask.

He smirks. "And some silent talks. With God."

"She came so close to making a mistake."

"I knew she wouldn't."

He says it like he's confident, but I can tell he's not so sure.

"You probably shouldn't lie when you're wearing all this," I say, nodding to the robes, the collar, everything literally and figuratively coming between the two of us.

"You're probably right." He lifts the stole from his neck, then starts pulling off the top layer of his robe.

"You mind?" I ask. I reach over and slip the collar out from the tabs of his shirt.

Edward exhales like he's been holding his breath. He stares down at me and it's intense and probably inappropriate.

"You had a hand in everything that happened up here, didn't you?" I ask.

"I just followed His lead."

"I'm glad about your faith. Your prayers. All of it."

I take Edward's hands in mine. Up at the altar. At the front of the church instead of hidden in the back. It shouldn't feel right, but it does.

"Smart, sneaky, sexy priest. Thank you. From the bottom of my heart."

"Marriage is a sacrament," he murmurs as he looks into my eyes. "It shouldn't be taken lightly."

"Did you ever think…?" I ask. "You. Marriage?"

"You?" he asks.

"I…" I don't know how to answer. There's only one thing I want to say and I can't.

I just won't.

It wouldn't be fair.

"Yo. Break it up!" Emmett booms from the doorway. "We've got a party to get to."

Edward drops my hands and starts to fold his robes over his arm. I look between Edward and my brother-in-law. Emmett winks my way.

"You coming, Ed?" he asks.

"Wasn't sure I was invited."

"Can't say the Cheneys will be there, so we've got plenty of room for one more. Not to mention, Bella's date ditched her this morning. Who else is she going to dance with?"

Edward smiles. It's all I can do not to kiss him right there. In the church. In front of Emmett. He holds up his robes. "I should probably change."

"Bella? Need a ride?" Emmett asks.

"I'll get one with Edward, if you don't mind."

"Yeah," he says. "Take your time." And he makes a motion like he's buttoning his lips and gives us both another wink before he heads back outside.