Chapter 34 - Valediction

 

CHAPTER 34 Valediction

Father Cullen

No one seems to bat an eye when Bella and I show up together at Angela's non-wedding reception. Or suspect that I just pushed her up against a wall in my bedroom over at the rectory. Naked. They simply hand us each a glass of champagne like it's any other day. Any other party.

Bella clinks my glass and takes a sip. I watch her eyes close, her throat as she swallows, her tongue flick when she licks her lips after downing the entire drink.

Then I make myself look at anything and everything other than her. Hoping to hide how much I care about her, wishing I didn't have to.

It's loud and cheerful, with tons of friends and family to help make this something for Angela to remember.

Someone's managed to incinerate the B & C letters that used to adorn the wall behind the wedding party's table. They're black charred remains of what they used to be.

The A still hangs there, alone, and people line up to write their thoughts on the cardboard cutout.

Angela's bridesmaids have all taken it upon themselves to make adjustments to their dresses. Rebecca's cut the length of hers in half. Rachel's sleeves are missing. Even Angela's wedding dress has been altered. The train is gone. The lace is gone. Someone's cut the bottom half to resemble something Rihanna might wear in concert.

Not that I would know anything about that.

I might have another confession for Bella.

"Bella!" Charlie's voice rises above the crowd of people who've taken over the dance floor. He waves us over. He's smiling wide, like maybe he's been hoping for today's outcome all along.

I know the feeling.

Bella grabs my hand and pulls me over to him.

"You remember your Great Aunt Sylvia, right?" Charlie puts his arm around a small woman in a long flowing dress with waist-length lavender hair.

"Sylvia cheered with me for Angela back at church," Bella tells her dad. "She wasn't sorry either."

"She never is," Charlie whispers in my ear.

"I thought you might be little Bella when that strapping young man seated you next to me." Sylvia glances around until she spots Emmett bent over a nearby table, helping Liam cut up his food. "My, he is strapping, isn't he. The way he uses that knife and fork..."

"Settle down, Sylvia," Emmett says as he glances from the older woman to me. He shakes his head then his eyes narrow. He gives me a nod and motions with his thumb to the corner of his mouth.

I mimic him and wipe at my lips. Then I see the red stain on my fingertip.

"Shit." I turn and wipe the rest of Bella's lipstick from my mouth. I hope.

Charlie wraps an arm around Bella's shoulder. "She reminds me of you, Sylvia. In more ways than one."

Great Aunt Sylvia looks from Charlie, to Bella, then to me where her eyes linger. I smile and try to ignore the fact she is ogling me.

"Nice to meet you, Sylvia."

"I would have liked to hear the homily today." She hums. "Pity. I hear you give a good one."

"Ed -, Father Edward's homilies are the best," Bella says. "He could make a believer out of almost anyone. Even me."

Sylvia's eyes go wide. "She's double-Catholic, Charlie? I should have guessed back at the church."

"I don't think that's really a thing," I try explaining. But no one's listening.

With a wink in my direction, Sylvia takes Bella's hand and leads her to a table.

I remind myself not to stare at Bella. But maybe a glance or two won't be too much.

"Um, Father?" Renee clears her throat, pulling my attention away from her daughter. "We really can't thank you enough for everything you've done for Angela."

She takes my hands in hers like I've just turned water into wine. Which might have been an easier task, all things considered.

"I really didn't do anything." I peek over at Angela, who looks lighter, and happier than I've seen her since we met.

"Bullshit," Charlie pipes in. "You saved our girl from that lying sack of-"

"Charles!" Renee scolds. Before he can get another word out she drops my hands and half-heartedly slaps her husband on the shoulder.

I laugh. Charlie laughs. He meets my eyes and narrows them for a second or two like he's got something else to say, then shakes his head and rubs at the back of his neck.

"Well, Father knows what I mean," he mumbles.

He's not wrong. I was relieved, and not a hundred percent sure how I'd get through the ceremony had Angela not beaten me to the punch.

Suddenly someone in the crowd taps a glass with their silverware and people begin to chant.

"Toast!"

Renee places a hand against my arm. "Oh, Father, would you mind giving it?"

"Me? No… I-"

"Come on, Ed!" Emmett yells. "Who better?"

I can think of a dozen others who'd be better, actually.

Charlie for one. He seems the logical person, buzzed as he might be.

Maybe even Angela. But she's looking expectantly at me, too.

"We'd be honored," Renee urges.

Fuck. I don't know why I'm nervous. It's not like I don't get up in front of most of these people every week. This is different though.

This is family.

Bella's smug, smiling like she knows I have no choice. Christ, I can almost hear her saying, "Welcome to my world, buddy."

So I pick up a glass of champagne, and I step up onto the makeshift stage.

It's quiet in the room. I'm sure everyone can see through me by now - the way I tend to watch Bella's every move, the way I gravitate toward her whenever we're in the same room. How despite the fact that I'm a damn priest, I can't seem to stop acting on the affairs of my fucking heart.

I look out at the people I feel closer to than I have to anyone in years, and the words come easily.

"A year ago, I came to St. Mary's not knowing anyone. I was just this new priest." I manage to stop myself from looking at Bella. "Placed here to guide a congregation that had lost its long-standing leader." I smile as I look over at Charlie and Renee. "The Swans were the first family to make me feel welcome."

Renee squeezes her husband's waist as she smiles up at me.

"Charlie, you were the first parishioner to welcome me to dinner at your house. Meeting your family was… interesting."

People laugh. Bella presses her lips together, watching me with bright eyes and admiration.

"I didn't have a big family growing up," I tell everyone. "I didn't have much family at all, actually. The Swans have a way of making me feel like I'm part of theirs, and I'll always be grateful for that."

Charlie gives me a proud nod. Emmett wraps his arm around Rose and pulls her close. She's holding Patrick, her head leaning against her husband's chest. Alice is beaming as she holds Angela's hand.

Bella's clutching her glass in both hands like she's trying to hide behind it, or maybe like she's ready to stop hiding altogether. Christ. I can't seem to stop looking at her because being with her makes me want this. Family. Friends. Chaos. All of it. With her.

The words, please, don't go, pass through my thoughts but get stuck in the back of my throat. They're right there. All I need to do is say them and the entire room will finally know. I can't live without her. I don't want to.

But I can't be selfish. She has a life. One I'm not meant to be a part of after tomorrow.

I force myself to stop making this about me.

"Over the past few months, I've had a chance to get to know Angela a little better."

In just the past couple of days, she's taken charge of every aspect of her life.

"She's shared a lot. Learned a lot. Made tough choices."

Her lip quivers a little.

"You're going to be a great mom," I say, just to Angela. "You already are."

She's definitely about to cry, so I take that as my cue to end this speech.

"Congratulations on following your heart today, Angela." I raise my glass and everyone cheers.

Suddenly, I need some air so I set my glass down and head outside. I'm stopped, mid-stride, when someone's arms are flung around me, nearly knocking me backward.

It's Angela. She's most definitely crying.

"Thank you so much, Father. For believing in me. And listening. And… and… just…."

I hug her back. I let her hold onto me for as long as she needs. "You're welcome," I tell her quietly. When she finally lets me go, she smiles up at me like she's ready to face the world. Or, at least the people here to help her celebrate.

As she joins her family, I take the opportunity to slip out the back unnoticed. The Swans could use some celebrating and I could use a moment alone.

Once outside, I take a deep breath. I try not to let the fact that Bella leaves tomorrow overshadow the time I have left with her. Instead, I close my eyes and think over all of the moments we've shared throughout the past couple of weeks.

From the moment we first met in my dark, dank box to her visit to my office. Our night out in Manhattan. That first kiss. I savor that one for a few extra minutes.

After which, I feel the weight of a certain conversation I've been avoiding.

There's no putting it off now. Not out here. It's just Him. And me.

I step close to the railing and look out at the night. "I thought breaking my vows would feel different." I grab the railing and lean against it. "Like there'd be a clear sign that I'd failed you."

I swallow down the ache inside my chest. It has nothing to do with God and everything to do with Bella leaving.

"Maybe a bolt of lightning would strike and I'd abruptly feel lost. Ashamed."

I look up at the sky. The way the moon's hiding behind the clouds, it makes the night feel gloomier than it should. It's like I'm in my own personal version of a dark, dank box.

"I don't feel lost when I'm with her. I'm certainly not ashamed of what's happening between us."

It's more like I found something I didn't know I was missing. Or, she found me.

"Why would you -"

"Hey! There you are." I spin to see Bella standing in the doorway like a fucking Godsend, saving me from overthinking things yet again.

"Am I interrupting something?" She looks up at the sky.

I smile as she joins me at the railing. "Never."

"A silent talk, maybe?"

"Not so silent."

"Professionals do it out loud?" She folds her arms and leans back like she wants to watch.

I laugh. "I'm far from professional. Just thinking out loud, I guess. Wondering."

"First of all, you are literally a professional. You told me about poverty. I know they pay you for this shit. Second of all, anything you want to talk to me about? Or should I leave you alone with…" She looks upward again.

"The stars?" I ask.

"You know what I mean."

"The clouds?" I laugh.

"I'm not admitting anything, Edward."

"You don't have to," I tell her. "He knows."

"Oh my God," she says with a roll of her eyes. She steps away like she's going to leave, but I wrap an arm around her waist and pull her body against mine.

"Exactly," I whisper in her ear. "I was thanking Him for you."

Her body relaxes against me. Her fingers twine with mine. "I think you owe me a drink, buddy."

"I owe you a lot more than that."

I decide He won't mind if we sneak a kiss.

xXxXx

Back inside, people are doing more of everything. Laughing more. Dancing more. Drinking... a lot more.

Emmett's having a conversation with the DJ about setting up his karaoke sound stage. I try to duck out of the way. I don't want to get pulled into that again. I'm not giving up any of the time I have left with Bella.

In the back, behind the mob of people on the dance floor, I spot Alice… and Jane. They're talking to Alice's parents. Alice is holding Jane's hand tightly in hers. Jane's more dressed up than I've seen her before.

"Father! Bella!" Alice calls out and waves us over.

Bella rushes over and throws her arms around her sister and Jane.

I step up to the small circle. Renee looks relieved someone else is here. Charlie's got his arm around her like she needs some reassuring.

Renee clears her throat. "Father. Um... have you met Alice's…" She trails off awkwardly.

"Girlfriend," Bella and I answer together.

I smile and give Jane a hug. "It's good to see you."

"You mean Alice's fabulous, generous, welcoming, kinder than kind, very sexy girlfriend?" Bella asks her mother. "Yes, we've met Jane."

Jane grins and blushes. She's clearly unsure about being here. Something tells me that feeling won't last long.

Bella starts chatting her up about flavors of herbal tea and the best way to get raspberry stains out of rugs. She pulls her over to the bar talking about virgin mules, and I don't think I want to know.

Charlie leads Renee to the dance floor. Alice smiles as she watches her sister with her girlfriend.

"You were right, Father. I could trust Bella. Thanks."

I study Bella desperately, like I might forget what she looks like once she's gone. She seems more comfortable with her family than I've ever seen her before. She's the strongest of the Swans. She knows who she is, and she's not afraid to let everyone know it. It's a no-brainer that Alice could trust her. I'm not sure what that has to do with me though.

"Thanks?" I ask her. "For what?"

"If it wasn't for you I'd still be hiding at Mom and Dad's."

"You left all by yourself."

Alice looks over toward the bar and watches Bella and Jane chat.

"I'm going to miss her," she says. "She could have stayed with us. It's like I never really knew her."

I can't take my eyes off the woman who's become such an important part of my life. "I'm gonna miss her too."

"Yeah. I know." She takes my hand and squeezes. I let her. Because I don't trust myself to say anything else.

xXxXx

Hours later, I'm on the dance floor with Bella in my arms. If anyone thinks anything of it, they don't let on.

"I could get used to this," she muses.

"Wedding receptions?" I tease.

"Well, there should be more un-wedding receptions, if you ask me. That's not what I meant though."

I spin her around, trying to lead us to a less crowded area of the dance floor.

"I knew what you meant." I was thinking it too.

"I figured. You've been able to read my mind since the first time we met. It's one of the things I… really like... about you." She leans her head against my chest.

"I'd really like to kiss you right now," I tell her as we slowly sway.

"I always want to kiss you. Also since the first time we met. It used to really freak me out."

"It's the collar, isn't it?" I'm half joking. I already know it's the collar.

"Only at first."

"It doesn't anymore?"

"I can think of like a dozen words to describe how I feel, but freaked isn't one of them."

She looks into my eyes. "Even though your ideas about Tony Stark are freakin' wrong. To say the least."

The shocked expression on my face is fake. My feelings about Tony Stark are not. "Those are fighting words."

"I'm ready. I think I can take you."

"How much time do we have?" It's meant to be in reference to another debate about the Marvel universe, but when I say it, it hits me. We have less than a day.

With Mass in the morning, we really just have tonight.

She shakes her head like she's thinking the same thing. "Not enough. Not even close."

"Bella?"

"Edward." She glances around the room, then gives me a quick peck on the lips. "Let's go home."

xXxXx

After we finish off the leftover eggplant parmesan from last night, Bella falls into her bed, naked and unabashed. It turns out sex makes you extremely hungry.

I roll onto my side and lean on my elbow. I push the hair away from her face. I want to see every smile, every look, every line so I'll remember them all once she's gone.

"I still can't believe Ang actually called things off," she muses, staring up at the ceiling. "She's officially a badass."

I can't help but smile, watching her. "You thanked Him, didn't you?"

She peeks over at me. "Maybe."

It's all she's going to give me. I'm okay with it. We both know she thanked Him.

"I was a little bummed, to be honest."

She looks shocked. "Really?"

"Not that Angela didn't get married, it's just… it's a shame is all."

"Um, why's that?" She rolls over to face me and slides a hand over my waist.

"Well, I mean, I had this whole homily I was gonna give." I try to blow it off like it's no big deal.

It's a big deal. I practiced all morning.

Bella giggles as her head falls against my shoulder. When she looks up, she's smiling just for me. "You could try it out on me if you want."

"What?"

"I'm game," she says with a kiss. "I love your homilies."

"Okay." She's nuts. Not that I'm complaining. I was really looking forward to it. "It's from First Corinthians."

"You might have to refresh my memory on that one."

I think she's bluffing. She knows more about the bible than she's willing to let on.

I watch her, watching me. Naked. Beautiful.

I can't think of a better time to recite it, actually.

"Maybe I don't have to repeat the entire homily," I tell her, much more serious than just a moment ago.

She raises an eyebrow. "I love it when you paraphrase. Talk dirty to me, Edward."

All of a sudden I'm fucking nervous. But I'm also feeling pretty good about what I'm about to try.

"Okay." I nudge her onto her back and climb over top of her, hovering. "It starts like this."

I lean down to kiss her. Her hum vibrates against my lips.

I pull away a little and Bella smirks. "I don't know any bible verses that start like that."

"Do you want me to recite this or not?"

"When the alternative is you on top of me?" She rolls her hips.

"The alternative is better," I tell her. "I mean, I think."

She raises an eyebrow. "Really? Then lay it on me, Edward."

So I do. Not before I kiss her one more time for luck.

"Love is patient," I whisper against her lips.

Bella gasps.

I swallow. My heart pounds in my chest. Then I force myself to keep going.

"Love is kind." I graze her jaw.

"It doesn't envy." Then her neck. Bless this neck, Lord.

Bella exhales and runs her fingers through the hair on the back of my head as I inch my way down her body. Her chest rises, her hips tilt, she rubs her legs together subtly, almost imperceptibly.

Christ.

"What comes next?" she whispers.

Fuck. What's the next line?

Right...

"It doesn't boast." I work my way between her breasts. She arches.

No way I'm making it through this alive, but I'm willing to try.

"It's not proud." I kiss the tip of a nipple then blow, before closing my lips around it. I do the same to the other.

I peek at Bella to make sure we're all good. Her eyes are dark as she watches me. It makes me harder than I already was. But this isn't about me.

"It doesn't dishonor others." I slide a hand between her legs.

"It's not self-seeking." She moans as I slip a finger inside her. Her eyes close, her lips part. Her head falls back. She makes that noise I love to hear.

"It's not easily angered." I rub soft. Slow. Just where she showed me last night and again this morning. Her brow knits. "It keeps no record of wrongs."

"Fuck, Edward," she moans a little louder. My heart skips a beat because that sound, and my name? I could never have imagined it in my wildest dreams.

But back to the bible… I place my lips against the inside of one thigh. "It doesn't delight in evil." Then the other. "But rejoices with the truth."

I nudge her legs a little wider as I kneel between them. I gently press two fingers into her. She's so fucking warm. So fucking wet. So fucking beautiful.

She fists the sheets and presses herself into my hand. "Yes," she hums.

I want to be inside her in the worst and the best kind of way. But not until this is done. Until she's undone.

Her body trembles around me as I pull my fingers out a bit.

"It always protects." I push again. "Trusts." And again, deeper. I can hear how wet she is. "Hopes...perseveres."

Bella raises her hips and fuck if it's not the sexiest thing I've ever seen.

"Love never fails," I tell her, spreading her open. "Where there are prophecies, they will cease," I whisper against her and watch her squirm.

"Please stop moving?" I beg, trying to get my bearings.

"Oh my God," she hisses, but she relaxes her hips.

"Where there are tongues..." I press my lips against her clit.

She presses herself against me. I lick, I suck and she forgets the sheets. Her fingers are in my hair. Pushing. Guiding.

The more I lick, the more she gasps. So I do it again, dipping fingers, finding spots. Ones I know she likes. Ones that are new. Ones that make her cry out.

I take a moment to really look at her, open before me. Ready, willing, trusting, waiting. I'm in awe.

"They will be stilled," I murmur.

"Don't you dare still your tongue now, Edward," she whimpers. So I don't. I slide my tongue inside her. I make small circles. I put pressure where she wants it. I suck where she needs it. When she finally comes, she doesn't scream. Her entire body shows it.

Clenched muscles.

Arched back.

Hips rocking.

I could watch this my entire life. I wish I could.

Bella and I are both breathless, but there's one more line.

"Where there is knowledge." I kiss her again where she likes it the most. She shudders, complete. "It will pass away."

I start working my way back up to her belly, her breasts, her neck… her lips.

Her kiss is hard and deep.

We're chest to chest. Her hands in my hair. Her legs wrapped around my hips, like she can't get close enough.

Neither can I.

When she finally speaks, she seems surprised. "I had no idea. How did you -"

"The internet," I tell her, in between breaths, proud of my research.

Her mouth falls open. "You looked up... porn. For me?"

"God. No." I bark out a laugh. My cheeks burn. "Never."

"Then -"

"You can learn to do almost anything on Wikipedia."