THANK YOU!

Chapter 45 - Pentecost

 Chapter 45 Pentecost

Bella

"Christ, I love you," Edward gasps. His head is thrown back on the pillow. His chest stutters as he breathes. I crawl up his body and collapse, bone tired but happy. Edward clamps an arm around my shoulders as I rest my head on his chest.

It's almost sunrise and we haven't gotten more than a few minutes of sleep. There wasn't nearly enough time to catch up and to kiss, to fill each other in and get each other off. To love him and let him love me back.

He loves me.

He still loves me.

After almost a year apart.

It's enough to make a girl feel faint.

"Was that okay?" I wonder out loud.

He chuckles. "Well, I could really use a smoke."

"I can do better," I promise.

"Is that even possible?"

"I'm hitting up Wikipedia the first chance I get."

Edward laughs a little under his breath as he kisses the top of my head. "Pretty sure Wikipedia's got nothing on you."

He trails a sleepy hand from my shoulder to my hip and hitches my leg over him so we're wrapped around one another.

Gray light bleeds into the bedroom, illuminating the new words inked over his chest. I trace my fingers over them.

Faith Hope Love

I've held onto all three this year. Faith, hope, and love brought me back to him. And he put them over his heart forever.

Thanks, God.

Edward's chest rises and falls slowly. His hand relaxes. His warm breath ruffles my hair, tickling my forehead. I can't believe he's sleeping in my bed, in my house. Christ. I never want him to leave.

Of course, I know he'll have to at some point. He told me about school and his job. He made a life for himself here in Brooklyn. While he'll still be helping people, it's something completely different than what he was doing a year ago. It's something that fits the person he wants to be. I want to be with that person for the rest of my life.

My heart hammers in my chest as I think about just how much I want it.

The future I hardly dared to imagine is so close. It's in my arms.

He's my dream come true.

Sunlight shines into my eyes. I glance across the room and see half open sliders. We forgot to close the door last night. I slip from Edward's arms and pluck the first shirt I find from my luggage.

As I step out onto the roof deck and thread my hands through the sleeves, I notice it's Edward's old clerical shirt. I kept it with me wherever I went this past year. Whenever I wore it, it helped me to believe in myself as much as he believed in me. Even so, it was a reminder of how we could never be together. This morning it's evidence of how much two people can change but still remain the same.

Edward told me about his trip to Italy and how he petitioned the Vatican, then followed it up with months of counseling. He told me about a kid who changed his outlook.

He gave it every chance he could. I wouldn't expect anything less from him. When he left the church, he did it on his own terms. Without looking back. He's the strongest, most principled man I know.

Overhead, night's fading. In front of me, trees from the park are silhouetted against a pink and orange sky. I imagine this little deck with a chaise like we had back at Manhattan Beach. As I lean against the railing, I imagine Edward and I wrapped in blankets and sipping tea, watching sunrises and sunsets. Talking about work. Trading kisses. Then taking it inside.

I imagine things I probably shouldn't, considering we've been back together for less than twenty-four hours.

I see the day he gets down on one knee and asks me to be his wife. I dream about the two of us sitting out here as I tell him I'm pregnant. In my mind, he looks from my face to my abdomen and back, then takes my hands in his and pulls me into a kiss. He offers up a silent prayer as tears well in his eyes.

I see myself, Edward, and our little girl in the hospital the day she's born as clearly as I see the morning sunrise. Remembering how reverent he was with Rose and Little Eddie, I imagine the same look in his eyes as he gazes at our daughter. As he sinks to his knees and thanks God for her health.

We'll spoil her to death. We'll take her on the road for summer tours. She'll be the only human being alive that loves Captain America just as much as she loves Iron Man.

She'll have Edward's eyes. She'll have my spirit. She'll have our love.

She can be a little hellion who breaks all the rules and gets into never ending trouble. Instead of judging, I'll accept her. Edward will always stand up for her. We'll love her, quirks and all.

Tears sting my eyes.

Strong arms wrap themselves around me. Edward kisses my neck.

"I was afraid you left," he murmurs. His voice is thick with sleep.

I turn around in the circle of his arms. My man's topless with a sheet wrapped around his waist. Rays of sunshine glint like gold in his messy morning hair. He could be some kind of disheveled Greek God.

"You strong, sexy, steadfast man. As long as you look this fine when you wake up, I may never leave this house. Ever."

Edward's eyes dip. He plays with the lapels of his old shirt then sneaks a look underneath. My body tingles under his inspection. "Still so fucking sexy in this."

I bite my lip. "Do you mind that I'm wearing it? Is this ok?"

"More than okay."

I toy suggestively with a button before I begin unfastening them one at a time. My eyes never leave his. "If you want it back, I could -"

With one button left holding the shirt closed, Edward rests his hand over mine.

His Adam's apple bobs in his throat. He glances at the yards on either side of us, trying to be nonchalant. "In the bedroom, maybe?"

"Still want a cigarette?"

"Fuck, yes."

I act all casual and calm as I pluck my purse off the ground, then pull out a pack of smokes. Inside I'm freaking out. I still can't believe this is real.

"What you need, when you need it, buddy." I wink, remembering the first time he offered me a light in my parents' backyard.

"I was so fucking nervous that night," he admits as I flick my lighter.

"Meanwhile, I was imagining you just like this." I look him over, head to toe. He's practically naked with a cigarette dangling from his lips. "My imagination's got nothing on you though."

Edward's cheeks go pink. It seems like he's trying not to smile. He might not be a priest anymore, but he still reacts the same to indecent thoughts.

"I was trying very hard not to imagine you like anything back then."

I nudge his shoulder with mine and quirk an eyebrow. "When was the first time you... imagined me?"

Edward can't quite look me in the eye. "After Emily's show. It was inevitable." He twines his fingers with mine. "Holding your hand, drinking, dancing, and that fucking game."

"The game was your idea!"

"Don't I know it." He chuckles and passes me the cig. "You?"

I open his clerical shirt enough for the sun to kiss my latest tatt. Edward has a difficult time holding my gaze. I pray I don't spontaneously combust with the heat from his eyes. "The day we met," I confess. "I mean, I wasn't a priest. I imagined you a lot."

Edward smirks. He looks pretty pleased with himself. I'm pretty pleased with him too.

With us, to be exact.

He traces our date on my ribs with his thumb. I almost drop the cig as I convulse with laughter, but his strong hands grip me, keeping me steady. Like he did last night when he lifted me onto the kitchen island after we finished the papaya and the coconut water. Right before he spread my legs and lifted me to his lips.

Half exposed to Edward in the sunlight, my body trembles. My mind reels with recent memories - my legs thrown over his shoulders, my head thrown back, seeing stars through the kitchen window, and more when I closed my eyes.

While I'm lost in my thoughts, he takes me into his arms and leads us back against the cool brick of the house. We sink down to the ground and he pulls my legs over his lap.

His gaze travels from my ankles to my thighs, along the sliver of skin where his shirt is parted, then comes to rest on my lips.

"I never would have thought back then I'd be here, with you, like… this." Edward's voice is quiet, devout. It reminds me of all the times I heard him pray back at St. Mary's. It reminds me of the night he met me on the beach after Angela's rehearsal dinner. It reminds me that he loves me.

I hand him back the cigarette. "We're still smoking behind a house in Brooklyn. Minus the clothes."

His eyes smolder. "Can't say I miss the clothes."

Edward slides a hand underneath my shirt before pulling it closed. It's all I can do not to climb into his lap and shrug it off entirely.

"How about no clothes until Tuesday night?" I suggest.

"We wouldn't get anything done."

"We'd get a few things done."

Edward shrugs. For a former priest he looks practically wicked. "Practice does make perfect."

"I like the sound of that."

Edward flicks the cigarette away as I straddle him. His hands slide around to my ass bringing my body flush with his. I wrap my arms around his neck as I press along the length of him, searching for friction, ready for more.

He closes his eyes and his forehead falls against mine. "Fuck."

"Sounds like a plan. Wanna head inside?"

Edward sighs. "There's nothing I want more, but I can't ask Alice to feed Picco indefinitely."

I can tell he's disappointed even as his arms tighten around me. I completely forgot about his kitten. His cat. His…

I slide back and forth. A reminder he's got a pussy here too.

"We can put on clothes long enough to bring Picco here," I offer. "I mean, I've always wanted a cat." The second the words are out of my mouth, my eyes fly open. In my mind, the two of us already share a life. In the real world, he has a life of his own.

Edward looks thoughtful. My anxiety builds as I wonder what in the world he's going to say.

"Did you really name a cat after Nick Fury?" he finally wonders out loud.

"What?" I huff. Then I remember that disaster from middle school. Angela came close to needing rabies shots. "How did you -?"

"Alice," we say together.

Edward and I can't help but laugh. Then I realize he's changed the subject. It would probably be easiest to let it go. I don't want to though. I want him. I hope he doesn't mind, but I'm never letting him go again.

I grip his shoulders and face him head on. "So, about Picco?"

"You already have my shirt. Now you want my cat?" His voice is serious, maybe a little hopeful. I could be imagining it though.

"I want you…" I take a deep breath as I look into his eyes. "I want you here with me. Picco would be a bonus."

"I mean, I've got classes and work. Other than that, I'm all yours."

"What about when you're not busy? Would you and Picco stay here? Live here? Please?"

Edward seems stunned. "You want me to live with you? Out of wedlock?"

"At first?" My voice is shaky, I'm practically trembling. "I know it's a lot for a former priest. I get it if it's too much, too soon."

With a strong hand and a swift tug, he pulls my body against his. He looks thrilled. He looks sure. He looks in love. "I think we've waited long enough, don't you?"

I'm so excited, for the first time in my life I'm completely speechless. Instead, I answer with my arms around his neck. My lips against his. My body sliding over him, showing him exactly how good this is about to get.

Just when I'm about to ask him if he wants to head back to bed, Edward bows his head.

"How would that work though?" His brow furrows. "You'll be travelling. Touring."

"Hey, musicians get mar…" The words die in my throat. I've gone from telling the man I love him, to getting him to move in with me, to almost asking him to marry me in less than a day. He's going to think I'm insane.

I take a deep breath. My chest presses against his. He's solid and steady beneath me. He hasn't gone anywhere yet. I try to take some comfort in that. "It would work however we want it to, Edward. I just want it to work with you."

He tucks some hair behind my ear. "I want it to work with you too."

I glance up at the cloudless blue sky. "Thanks, God."

"You're doing it out loud now?"

"Only on special occasions," I tease.

Edward laughs. "You're so fucking sexy when you pray. You know that?"

"It's not even a contest. You're sexy all the goddamned time."

"I love you."

"I'm glad. Since we'll be living together and all."

I brush my lips over his. I'm giddy. I haven't scared him off.

He slips his hands inside my shirt, glides them around my waist, and holds me like he thinks I'm the one who might be going somewhere. "Say it again?"

"Happily. I love you too, Edward."

I must have said it a million times since last night. I don't mind at all. I have a whole year of I love yous to make up for.

"So," Edward murmurs. He suddenly finds the buttons on his old clerical shirt extremely fascinating. "You're saying, someday… if I asked you anything…?"

My heart flutters. Jesus Christ, he heard what I said. He's still here because he wants it too.

I nod my head. I can't stop smiling.

"Someday sounds really good to me. I'm going to hold out for a ring though."

His eyes shine. "Whatever you want."

"A honeymoon in Italy. Show me all the stuff you told me about last night?"

"And Sunday dinners here each week?" he asks.

"Maybe every other week?" I hedge. My family is… a lot.

"After last night, we'll need a new table."

"Are you kidding?" I laugh. "We are never getting rid of that table. But I think we might need to replace one of the legs."

"At least two."

"And definitely more chairs. There's my parents -"

"Jasper?" Edward asks, taking me by surprise. Of course he'd want Bishop Whitlock there, though. He's Edward's only family. If we get married, he'll be my family too.

"Jasper," I agree like it's no biggie having a freakin' bishop at Sunday dinner.

A smile lights up Edward's face.

"Oh! We can invite Alec and Emily when they're in town," I add. "And of course there's my sisters, their families. All of Rose's kids -"

"Our kids."

I gasp. "Kids?"

"I'm thinking six."

I practically choke on my laughter. When I wipe the tears from my eyes, Edward looks dead serious.

"Seven?" he asks.

There's no fucking way.

"One if you're lucky, buddy."

"At the very least Tony would need a brother."

"Scarlet wouldn't mind being an only child."

"Scarlet?" His voice is damn near breathless. The look he gives me practically stops my heart. "You've thought about our kids?"

My cheeks burn. "Kid," I clarify.

He cups my face in his hand and runs his thumb over my cheek like he's rubbing the blush away. "You'll make a great mom."

"I might slip up and call you Father."

His lips turn up in a thoughtful smile. "I might not mind."

"Do you, um… still have the collar?"

"Do you miss it?" His hand ghosts over the spot where it used to be. "Because I'm sure I could find one somewhere."

"Think Bishop Whitlock would mind if we snuck into the confessional every now and then?"

"Jasper doesn't need to know if we're feeling the need for a confession. Or two."

I wriggle my hips. Edward's eyelids flutter. I bring my lips to his ear. "Would you settle for a bed instead of a dark, dank box?"

All at once we're standing, and the sheet falls to the ground as Edward lifts me into his arms. "As long as you're in it with me."

There's no doubt in my mind. I'm in it with Edward for life.

 

 

Edward

For the first time in over a year, my heart is settled.

For the first time since seeing Bella last night, my body is settled too. Relaxed. Sated.

The sun is brighter. It's got to be mid-morning, maybe later. I can't sleep.

Bella finally dozed off. She's breathing deep, curled up against my chest, fitting next to me perfectly. No way I'm waking her up.

I breathe her in and smile.

Her hair is still slightly damp. I want showers with her every day. I want more opportunities to worship every inch of her body. More opportunities to see her look at me the way she did when I wrapped a towel around my waist, just before she pulled it back off again.

Before her fingers teased me to life.

Before we nearly broke the claw foot tub.

We're gonna need to replace a lot of furniture in this house.

I trace invisible shapes against her arm and think about some of the things she said earlier.

About us.

She wants a ring. From me.

I see myself asking her someday soon. I see her saying yes. I see us telling her family and Charlie giving us his blessing.

I envision her walking down the aisle on her father's arm. Emmett stands beside me, elbowing me like he's reminding me the moment is real. And he's right; it's not a dream. She's there and she's fucking stunning.

I imagine Jasper marrying us, consecrating our vows. Reminding us of the sacrament we're committing ourselves to.

I think he'd do it. He'd say I owe him and he wouldn't be wrong.

I see our kids bursting through our bedroom door in the early morning, jumping on the bed, demanding we start our day.

I look down at Bella again, so relaxed in my arms.

If she hadn't walked into my life over a year ago, I never could have imagined having any of it.

Birthday parties.

Graduations.

Holidays.

Anniversaries.

Trips. To Italy. We could visit Marco. I could show him how being a disadattato isn't so bad.

Fuck. I want all of it.

With her.

I know we need to talk about a lot of things. We need to discuss how our careers are going to affect that future we want. Like Bella said, we'll make it work. It means too much to both of us.

Her arm tightens around me, she tilts her head up and smiles.

"You're still here."

"Too late, you already invited me to stay. I'm not going anywhere."

"Thank God." How the hell does she make thanking God so damn seductive?

Bella crawls up into my lap and looks down at me with pink cheeks, wild hair, and sleepy lids. My clerical shirt hangs open. "So fucking lucky," she mumbles.

I rest my hands on her hips. "I think you have that backwards."

"Nope. Luckiest girl in the world right here." Her hands are pressed against my chest as she leans down. Her hair is like a curtain around our faces.

I hum, happy. Satisfied beyond measure. "Did you get enough sleep?"

"We have forever to sleep. I have no idea how, if you're going to be naked in bed next to me every night." She rocks her hips and I'm already half hard.

"I have no idea how we're going to keep enough condoms stocked."

"We'll have to order in bulk. Or I'll go on the pill until we…" Bella lets her hair fall over her face instead of finishing her thought.

I think I know what she was about to say. And fuck, with Bella straddling me naked, thinking about marriage, looking down at me like she wants it just as much as I do. It makes me want her more than ever. In more ways than I can count.

"I can't control myself when I'm with you."

She peeks down between us. "If this is my fault, I take all the blame."

I thrust my hips and hiss as Bella slides over my dick. "I can give you your penance if you want."

She giggles. "Yes, give it to me, Edward. Please."

Her lips are so close. It's effortless to reach out and kiss them. Her mouth parts and our tongues meet. It's hard to fathom that I can kiss Bella any time, for the rest of our lives.

"You overwhelm me." I'm barely able to get the words out.

It's all too much.

It's everything.

"The feeling's mutual," she sighs.

"Say it again?" I ask her. Because it feels like an eternity since I've heard the words.

She holds my stare as she lifts her hips, and then lowers herself slowly, gradually. It's the best kind of agony.

"I love you."

She moves gently, purposefully, watching me, watching her.

"I love you too," I tell her.

Her body shivers as she closes her eyes. Her lips part. She lets go and lets her body take over.

"I missed... this spot." I trail a finger along the dip between her breasts.

Bella grins. "You mean… here?" She slides my hand over a nipple.

"No." I move it back. "Right here. Fucking beautiful." I drag my fingers to the dates. Our date. "Here too."

I pull her down into a kiss. My lips move along her jaw, her neck then to the spot behind her ear. "This one, too," I murmur, my lips pressed against her skin.

She hums.

"And this sound."

"And this?" she asks as she tilts her hips. It leaves me lightheaded.

"Christ. Yes. This." I grab her thighs. "I fucking love how you feel."

She kisses my neck. Her nipples graze my chest. "Here?"

My head falls back, my eyes shut.

"Yes." I'm barely able to answer.

Her legs tighten around me. Christ. Everything tightens.

"Here?" she rasps. It's so damn sexy.

"Fuck, Bella."

xXxXx

"You know we're gonna have to face the real world at some point," I muse as I stare up at the ceiling.

Not that I wouldn't be content staying in bed with Bella for as long as she wants, but we both have people waiting for us. Relying on us.

It is Sunday though. A day of rest.

Although there hasn't been much resting going on.

"Not yet?" Bella pleads. She wraps her arms around me like she's trying to hold me in bed.

She's right. Maybe tomorrow we worry about the real world.

"Twist my arm." I roll onto my side and kiss her collarbone, her shoulder. I nibble a little. She gives me a quick kiss then peers up at me and sighs blissfully.

"I know you're Team Stark, but you're reminding me a lot of Cap right now."

I can't say it's my favorite comparison. Bella giggles when she catches my expression.

"He can do it all day," she adds, wedging her knee between my legs.

"Debatable."

"This is a big deal, buddy. I love you even though you're Team Stark. I never thou-" Her eyes lock with mine. "Wait."

I try not to smile. "What?"

"You're Team Stark aren't you? Like TeamStark001?"

I suppress a chuckle. She was bound to figure it out, but I can't give in yet. What fun would that be?

"I've always been Team Stark, Bella. You know that." I try to act as seriously as I can.

"You fucker. It was you! Admit it. You were with me all along."

"I mean, I might have followed your career a little." I laugh. "You never mentioned social media."

Thankfully, Bella doesn't seem angry. If anything, she looks slightly embarrassed. "I must have been way easier to stalk than you were."

"You stalked me?" My attempt to act offended fails miserably. Truth be told, I feel pretty pleased that she searched me out.

"You drove me insane." She playfully punches me in the arm. "What kind of guy has no social media presence at all? "

"I have a SoundCloud account."

Bella rolls her eyes.

I reach over and tuck some hair behind her ear. "You really looked for me?"

She blushes. "Do not type 'E' into my search bar, okay?"

"If you don't check my browser history, I won't check yours."

Bella lifts an eyebrow. An enormous smile lights up her face just before she jumps out of bed and makes a dash for the hallway.

I'm right behind her because I'd rather she didn't see the fifteen tabs I still have open, all about her.

She glances over her shoulder and shrieks as we run down the stairs.

Christ, she's fast.

The floorboards creak, our footsteps echo as we fly passed bedrooms for all the kids we'll have someday. She grabs ahold of the railing before she races down to the first floor.

Another flash of the future crosses my mind. My heart wants to burst right out of my chest at the thought of how different life with Bella already feels from the childhood I had.

There's always going to be laughter in this house.

Happiness. Music. Love. God.

All of it.

By the time I'm downstairs, Bella already has my phone in her hand.

I stop short when her eyes go wide at whatever's on my home screen. "Holy shit!"

She tosses me the phone and holds up her hands. "Nope, I'm definitely not ready for the real world yet."

"What's-" I glance down at the screen. "Fuck."

There are five texts from Emmett, three from Alice, and one from Marco.

Non sei un bugiardo

It's followed by a photo. Apparently one of the pics taken last night made its way around the internet.

Before my brain can register what that even means, there's a knock on the front door. Bella jumps away from the sound and bumps into me. She spins around and I catch her in my arms.

Bella's in my shirt. My clerical shirt. Just the fucking shirt. It's not even buttoned.

And I'm definitely naked.

We look like a couple of people that just went through two boxes of condoms in ten hours.

The knocking gets louder. I find my jeans and pull them on, then notice all the other articles of clothing we left all over the floor.

Christ.

The pounding becomes faster, harder. Kids laugh and…

"Is that Renee?" I whisper yell.

Bella's eyes flit over me and she grins. "Welcome to the family, buddy."

Fuck.

She gives me a quick kiss on the lips as she buttons her shirt.

I pull my t-shirt on. Then grab the rest of our clothes and toss them into the nearest closet as Bella heads for the front door.

"Ready?" she asks, checking in with me one last time.

"Nope." I smooth my shirt.

She laughs. "You might want to talk to your old boss real quick. Just to be on the safe side."

I close my eyes. Dear Lord…

Then she opens the door.

"Isabella, you were supposed to meet us for Mass. You're not getting out of Sunday dinner that easy, young lady." Renee is dressed up, carrying a huge pot that looks like it's filled with marinara sauce. It smells fucking delicious.

"Sorry, Mom. I was... distracted." Bella's eyes flash to me when she says it. I feel my cheeks warm.

"I called at least a dozen times. You could have been dead in a ditch! Are you too high and mighty for us now that you're a rock star?"

"I think I lost my phone."

"It might be down in the studio," I offer.

"No bra and no pants?" Renee steps into the foyer and freezes when she sees me. Her mouth falls open. Her grocery bag slips from her shoulder and drops to the floor.

I run a hand through my hair then smile and wave. "Hi, Renee."

At first Bella's mother seems confused. Then critical. In the end, she lands on happy. Understanding. Her expression is just short of accepting.

"Hello, Father."

"It's just Edward now," I remind her with a grin. She nods.

"Right. Edward," she repeats. "Good to see you again. In my daughter's home. Looking so… comfortable."

Charlie is just behind his wife. He picks Bella up off the ground and hugs her tight. "I missed you, baby girl."

Then he sees me too.

"Charlie," I clear my throat. "Good to see you." I don't sound confident, even to myself. This isn't exactly how I thought we'd tell him we're a couple. But when Charlie grins at me, I see it in his face. For him it was only a matter of time. We had his blessing months ago.

He glances around the empty home. "Guess we're not watching the game today, huh?"

He looks like he's itching for a smoke. Maybe I'll meet him out back for one, later.

Emmett has to duck to get through the entryway with Liam on his shoulders. His eyes go wide when he sees Bella's outfit. He quickly diverts his attention to the graphic on my t-shirt. "Guess the show went well," he says with a wink.

"A big romantic gesture, huh?" She smirks as she glances between me and her brother-in-law. She punches him on the shoulder. "You big softie."

Two kids run past. One of them shouts, "Avengers assemble!"

Emmett's smallest daughter skips by with a friendly wave. "Hi, Edwood."

Rose is struggling with a platter in one hand, Eddie in the other. Bella snatches my godson up into her arms and tosses him in the air.

"Eddie!" she sings. "I missed you!"

Rose looks between Bella and me. Her face lights up. "Finally both of his godparents are in the same room."

My eyes snap to Bella's. She's already staring my way. It never occurred to me, or her apparently, to ask who the other godparent is.

Her expression matches how I feel right now.

Surprised. Elated. Whole-heartedly committed to the child she's holding.

"Yeah, just like that," Rose whispers before she snaps a quick picture of the three of us.

She wraps an arm around Bella's shoulders. "I told you to wait for that look."

"You could have told me it was going to be last night!"

"Didn't know he'd work that fast." Emmett snorts. "Guy doesn't even know what a date is, how was I supposed to know he'd take you home, and-"

He catches the look on Rose's face and shuts up immediately.

Thank God.

"We couldn't talk Mom out of this," Rose explains under her breath. "Em and I thought it would be easier with all of us."

"All of us?" Bella asks, glancing over Rose's shoulder toward the front door.

"Hey, Bella," Charlie calls out from the dining room. "Did you notice the floors in here are all scratched up?"

Renee sets her pot down and the table wobbles. "And the legs on this table look broken."

"Let me get that, Renee." I take it and glance over at Bella as I head into the kitchen. She's laughing like she's enjoying this.

I might be enjoying it too.

On my way back to the dining room, I nearly collide with Angela. She's got a small baby in one arm and a dish in the other.

I take the food from her as a well-dressed man I've never seen before walks in behind her. He's got bags slung over his shoulders like a pack mule while balancing a pile of Tupperware containers in his arms.

Angela beams. "Father…" She giggles and shakes her head. "Edward, this is Eric."

As I help him unload, I shake his hand. Then I peek down at the beautiful little girl in front of me. "Hey there."

"And this is Isabelle." I take her small hand. She clutches her tiny fist around the tip of one of my fingers. She practically rolls her eyes at me, if that's even possible. She definitely takes after her aunt.

"She's got your eyes, Angela."

"And her smile," Eric says, staring hopelessly at Angela.

The guy's in love.

Bella rushes into the kitchen and dumps bags of paper plates, plasticware and paper towels onto the counter. She plucks Angela's daughter into her arms. "Izzie!"

She spins the little girl around. Izzie smiles huge and starts babbling, then kicks her little feet. It's like the two of them are having their own private babytalk conversation.

I can't stop staring at them. Bella's a natural. She clearly enjoys spending time with all of her nieces and nephews. I can easily see her holding our own daughter.

Scarlet.

Fuck. She's going to be the best mom of all time. I think I can convince her to have six. Or seven.

As Angela heads back into the dining room with Bella and the baby, Eric hesitates. He peeks around at the crowd like he's not sure he wants to jump back in.

Nerves.

I clap him on the shoulder. "Been there. Wish I could offer you a drink."

He grabs one of the bags and pulls a bottle of Maker's Mark out. "I heard whiskey was the way to this family's heart."

Yeah. He's gonna fit right in.

There's a nip at my ankles and I look down. Picco is attacking me like he's starved to death.

"I'll feed you in a-"

Wait.

"Why is Picco here?" I ask absolutely no one.

"He was lonely," Alice says. She's got Jane's hand in one of hers, Picco's things in the other. And she's beaming like she can barely contain herself.

"I see you did a little more than imagine it," she teases.

"Seems like I owe you a lot more than just a thanks." I take Picco's things from her and realize I'm never escaping this kitchen. "Hi, Jane."

Bella throws her arms around her sister from behind and squeezes tight. "It's like you saw the future," she says in Alice's ear.

"Or maybe you were just blind," Alice shoots back.

Picco works his way around everyone's feet. "You have an adorable… um, kitten," Jane says. Then she and Alice dissolve into a fit of giggles as they disappear into the front room to go find Angela.

Renee bustles into the kitchen with even more bags. She looks between Bella and I. "You have guests. Let me handle the food." She nods to the bottle of whiskey in my hand. "Bring a glass out for Charlie unless you want him taking apart the dining room table."

"Nope. On it," I tell her quickly. Then I grab some cups before Charlie gets any crazy ideas.

xXxXx

The aroma of Sunday dinner fills every corner of the house. People laugh and drink. It feels natural to be a part of it all, exactly how I imagined it would.

One of the babies lets out a high-pitched wail. Renee waves a hand as she picks up the unhappy infant.

"Emmett, I need you to go get the folding chairs from the van. Charles, I think Rose left her diaper bag in their car."

Emmett salutes and Charlie huffs, but they both head outside and do as they're told. It might not be Renee's house, but no one dares disobey her.

Bella grabs my hand and leans up against me. "You mind if I invite Emily and Alec? Emily's not usually in New York, and after everything we said this morning it just feels right."

It would be great to see Emily again, but… "Alec?"

"He's one of my best friends."

Of course she doesn't know.

"He loves you."

She lets out an abrupt laugh. "You're insane."

And then I realize... the way she looks at me. Even if he does, it doesn't matter.

"Say it again?" I ask her.

"I love you, you dork. You know, one of these days it's going to get old."

"Never." I tip her chin and kiss her lips.

"And you should invite Bishop Whitlock."

"I'm not even sure he's around." I try not to expect too much from the man. Sunday's are his busiest day of the week. But Bella wants him here. She wants to get to know him better. I'm overwhelmed. It's enough that I pull my cell phone out and text him.

xXxXx

Hours have gone by. It feels like forever since Bella and I had the house to ourselves.

Kids are everywhere, food is everywhere. People are sitting at the table, on the floor, on the stairs. There isn't a quiet spot in the entire place, but it's perfect just like this.

I quietly observe the unorthodox family that's welcomed me into their lives.

Who all just ate dinner at the table where I fucked Bella senseless just last night.

Christ.

Thankfully, Rose and Renee are cleaning up. Charlie sits at the far end of the table. He's bouncing Eddie on his knee, discussing something very serious. I think I hear Bella's name mentioned.

Eddie was gracious enough to find Bella's jeans for her earlier. In the closet. She casually slipped them on like it was the most normal thing in the world, getting dressed in front of her entire family.

In the kitchen, Jane is taking Italian pastries out of bakery boxes and arranging them on a platter that Angela brought from home.

Emmett arm wrestles with Liam, who's mysteriously winning. Eric has calmed down after a few drinks. His hand rests gently on top of Angela's. She looks happier than I've ever seen her.

Alec is mansplaining the architectural importance of built-in bookshelves to Emily. Surprisingly, she's hanging onto every word he says.

When he showed up with Emily, he handed me a fist full of tickets for each of Bella's shows in Brooklyn, just to make sure the rest of her family could be there too.

He's a good guy. I'm glad Bella has someone like him in her corner.

I can hear McCarty children, squealing, giggling, calling out their favorite Avengers characters. One of them is telling the others Auntie Bella can be Captain Marvel.

I look around to see if she's heard them too. She wouldn't dare tell a small child no… unless they were forcing her to be Widow.

I don't see her but she can't be far. Not with her entire family here. Our entire family.

Everyone but Jasper.

I check my cell for the third time. I'm sure he's busy. I'm sure there's no way he's got time for a last minute, impromptu visit. I'm sure he's… standing in Bella's doorway just as a small gang of tiny Avengers burst out of the hallway closet, screaming "Hail Hydra!"

The smallest stops in front of the good bishop and holds up a lacy black bra for him to help her with.

The look of shock and embarrassment on his face is enough to make me laugh out loud.

Welcome to the club, Jasper.

He seems confused. I quickly make my way over to him.

"Edward," he says. "What are you-"

When Bella comes flying down the stairs, it all clicks for him. "I see."

I hug him tighter than I expect. It feels like forever since I've seen him. "I thought you'd have too much going on to show up on a Sunday."

"You're more important than the deacons at St. Patrick's." Then he adds in a whisper, "Don't tell them though."

Bella skips the last two stairs and lands next to me. "Thanks so much for coming, Bishop. It wouldn't be the same without you."

Jasper nods once. "Thanks for having me."

He offers Bella a friendly handshake. At first she seems slightly hesitant and he seems more than awkward. Bella peeks up at me with love in her eyes, then seems to make a decision about my old friend and mentor.

"We don't shake hands in this family, Bishop." She pulls him into a warm hug and I am pretty sure Jasper's eyes are about to pop out of their sockets. Then his arms wrap around her and the two of them look like they've known each other their whole lives.

"Call me Jasper. Please."

Bella checks in with me to make sure she heard right. All I can do is grin like an idiot.

"Um, okay. Jasper."

"It's really good to see you," he says. "And Edward... I guess," he teases, looking over at me from the corner of his eye.

"Remember how I said God was weird?" Bella's eyes flick from Jasper, to the rest of her family, then back to him.

He looks like he's almost afraid to answer. "Yeah?"

Her hand glides around my waist. She holds me tight, like she's claiming me for herself. "He's also good. Don't you think?"

Before, touching Bella like this would have made me uncomfortable. Today I couldn't be more content.

Jasper opens his mouth to say something, but I think he might be at a loss for words.

Bella smiles the most beautiful smile. Then, relaxed and easy, she leaves the two of us standing there, awestruck.

Fuck. I love her. She's tenacious. Completely comfortable in her own skin... and apparently, my old clerical shirt.

She's got it knotted at her waist. The sleeves are rolled up. Jasper notices what she's wearing and raises an eyebrow.

I pretend I don't know what he's trying to say.

"Want a drink?" I ask instead.

He smiles, genuinely happy for us. "Yes. And then I want to hear all about this new job."

I remember the day I told him I'd be helping kids, the same way he used to help me.

I'd had a slight panic attack, wondering how he'd react to my leaving the church for a less God fearing path. The truth is, I had no reason to worry. He didn't blink an eye. He didn't tell me what he would have done or suggest more counseling. He simply embraced me.

He'll always be there for me. For whatever I need, whenever I need it.

Renee meets us in the dining room as I pour a drink for Jasper. "Bishop Whitlock. It's an honor to have you here."

Her eyes dart to Bella, then to Alice and Jane on the other side of the room. She seems slightly traumatized that he's here with all her less than perfect relatives, but Renee covers it up well. She gives the bishop a warm smile.

"You remember Renee, Jasper?" I place a hand on her shoulder, hoping it tells her everything will be okay.

"I do," he says as a girl runs by waving Bella's bra. He completely ignores it. Renee relaxes a tiny bit. "This is a lovely home. Did you just move in?"

"It's actually Bella's. My baby's moving back to Brooklyn." She's so happy she starts to babble. Renee never babbles. "All four of our girls are in one borough again. I thought the day would never come. Settled, finally."

"Such a blessing," Jasper agrees.

Renee's face lights up. "A blessing. What a lovely idea! Would you bless this house, Bishop? Bella could use all the help she could get. And I would be able to sleep better at night knowing it's..." she lowers her voice. "Demon free?"

Bella groans. "Mom."

I cover my mouth. It's probably not appropriate to laugh.

Jasper looks slightly amused at the mention of demons. Aside from that, I can see he's honored. I'm honored too. I never thought I'd have a home or a family. So I take a moment to offer a prayer of my own for this life He's gifted me.

"Alright then," he says decidedly. "One demon-free home, coming up."

Everyone gathers around the dining room as Jasper begins to pray. I lean against the doorway.

As natural as it is to blink or breathe, my attention is drawn to one person in particular.

Bella is the happiest I've ever seen her, surrounded by all the people she cares about most.

Her arms are linked in Alice's. Rose leans over and whispers something to her sisters. Bella ducks her head. Alice's face goes beet red. Angela covers her mouth as she snickers. Renee shoots them a disapproving look. Charlie kisses his wife's temple to calm her down.

Bella glances around the room at her family.

She sneaks a peek upward and smiles.

My heart bursts in two.

I've been watching her, loving her from afar, yearning to be close to her on plenty of occasions. But today I can walk over to her. I can wrap my arm around her waist and pull her close. I can kiss her and let everyone in this room know just how much I love her.

How much I'll always love her. Honor her. Cherish her.

I breathe easy and thank God for the past year. For all the decisions that were made. For all the pieces that fell into place to bring us to where we are today.

I specifically thank Him for the woman who walked into my confessional one day last summer with sarcasm in her voice and a chip on her shoulder.

With more love in her heart than she knew possible.

Enough to break down my carefully constructed walls.

Enough to make me realize who I was truly meant to be.

Enough to make me fall unabashedly in love and have faith that it was God's will.

Bella catches me worshiping her and flashes me the smile. She curls a finger inviting me over. I'm halfway to her when I realize I don't want to wait for someday, or even someday soon.

"Amen," Jasper says, low and reverent, followed by everyone else.

"Amen," Bella whispers, looking into my eyes.

Standing in front of her I'm suddenly nervous.

Fuck. My heart is pounding. My hands are shaky. My stomach is tight.

I rest my hands at her hips. She wraps her arms around my neck. She bites her lip.

That's all it takes. It's just us again. No one else is in the room.

I'm speechless.

But like so many times before, Bella seems to sense what I'm thinking.

She takes my hands. Squeezes them tight. Her eyes never leave mine as she says precisely what I need to hear.

"Ask me anything."

 

 

THE BEGINNING

 

Chapter 44 - Home

 

Chapter 44. Home

Edward

Hot summer air hits us when we step outside of Freddy's. The streets are crowded, but I feel like Bella and I are the only two people here, just like the last time I walked her home.

She takes my hand and our fingers weave like they were made for each other. We're quiet until Bella nudges me with her arm. She glances at my chest. "Still into the Avengers, huh? 'Whatever it takes'?"

I peek down at my shirt then over at Bella. "Whatever it takes. Say it again."

Her eyes meet mine. "I love you."

I will never get tired of hearing her say it.

I pull her hand up to my lips and kiss. It doesn't feel real but here she is. Here we are. "I didn't think I'd see you again, much less hear you say..."

Christ. She loves me.

"I didn't know if I'd ever get the chance." She looks down at our joined hands. "I thought you were onto bigger and better things."

"I am."

Bella quirks an eyebrow. She pokes my chest with a finger. "Is this a trick? You said you're not a priest. Are you a bishop? A cardinal?"

I laugh. "Guidance Counselor actually. Or, I will be some day. I'm back in school for now."

She looks me over and gives me an approving nod. "Yeah, I can see that."

Then she falls quiet.

"What are you thinking?"

"I have a million questions," she says. "But there's one thing I'm dying to ask first."

"Ask me anything."

Bella stops and faces me. She takes my other hand as she takes a breath. There's a blush in her cheeks as she exhales.

People pass, cars honk, music plays from random bars as we stand in the middle of the sidewalk. Everything else fades into the background. It's just us. The rest of the world doesn't exist.

She pushes some hair away from my forehead.

"Can I kiss you?"

Is she kidding? "Any fucking time you want."

At first, every touch is delicate and shy. Her lips brush against mine, her fingertips glide under the edge of my shirt. I slip my arms around her and pull her close. The soft sounds she makes drives the kiss deeper. It's like that very first kiss, back in the confessional. Except now we both know what we want. Now there's no reason we can't have it.

I pull away just enough. "Say it again," I whisper in her ear.

"I love you."

"Get a room!" a kid hollers as he walks by with a pack of friends.

Bella's eyes light up. "I already did." She clutches my hand in hers. "Want to see it?"

I laugh a little. "Do I want to see your room?"

"It's right down the street." She's breathless, dead serious, and excited. Her expression is something more than sexy. It's hopeful.

She's asking me about more than just coming back to her place.

She's asking me about coming back into her life.

"I'd like to see everything." I rake my eyes over her from head to toe and back.

Bella shivers when our eyes meet.

"You can't be cold."

She shakes her head and stares into my eyes. Her lips part, her head dips, she hooks her fingers through my belt loops, and pulls me toward her.

This time when we kiss, she doesn't ask. And I don't mind.

I savor having Bella in my arms again, feeling the warmth of her body against mine, even when we're just standing on a random sidewalk in the middle of Brooklyn. Then something across the street catches her attention.

"We're going to need provisions," Bella announces, suddenly determined.

She takes my hand and leads me to a bodega on the corner. We wander through narrow aisles as a skinny cat winds between our feet. Bella picks up a coconut water, a box of peppermint tea, some cookies, and after careful consideration, a papaya.

"Really?" I ask, eying the enormous piece of tropical fruit.

"You want some mangoes instead?"

I toy with some of her hair, unable to look directly into her eyes. "You taste better than either."

Bella picks up a protein smoothie and a pack of gum. "As long as we eat it first." She blushes as soon as she says it. It's fucking beautiful.

"You need anything?" she asks, looking between me and the check out.

I shake my head as I eye the pile of groceries she's balancing in her arms. I take some of it for her. "Just you."

"You've got me, buddy." Her smile could light up the entire block.

We dump the groceries onto the counter and Bella nods to the cashier. "And two of the Trojan Ultra Thin…" She glances my way. "Extra large, right?"

His eyes go wide. If it's possible for an entire body to blush, mine is doing it. "Large is fine."

"One of each?" He suggests, setting them both on the counter.

Bella giggles. I pull out my wallet.

"No more poverty, huh?"

I smile as I pull some bills out. "I've got this."

She puts her hand around my arm and squeezes my bicep. "Yeah, you do."

Outside, I don't know who's guiding who, but Bella ends up pressed against the brick wall of the bodega with my body flush against hers. One of her hands slips underneath my shirt and the other slides over my ass. I get the impression she doesn't want to hold out for a room.

Before that can happen, there's something I need to say. It's the right thing to do. Especially considering the boxes of condoms in the bag at our feet.

Bella sees it in my eyes. "What's wrong?"

I take her hand again as we start to walk. "I have a confession to make."

She smirks. "Don't you need a dark, dank box for that?"

"Only if you're Catholic."

"Wait. What?"

It's something else I need to explain… later. "I kissed a woman," I tell her before I can decide not to.

Bella's eyes go wide.

"Or... she kissed me," I add with the strangest feeling of deja vu. The first day we met, Bella confessed about an unwanted kiss. That confession is what started us on this whole journey. Once mine's out of the way, we can start over again.

She looks from our joined hands into my eyes. "I can't believe I'm asking this, but are you seeing someone?"

"No. No, nothing like that."

With a sigh of relief, her expression changes. She smiles, she crosses her arms. Basically, she mocks me. "Care to elaborate," she asks in a deep, holier-than-thou voice.

She remembers too.

"Not really," I tell her honestly. But I am confessing, so I also admit, "I was a little drunk."

Bella's eyes flash with anger. She looks like she's about to hunt June down. "Did she force herself on you?"

"No," I'm quick to tell her. June may have been thoughtless, but she definitely wasn't forceful.

Bella nods her head, clearly relieved. "I see." There's a playful glint in her eye when she tents her fingers in front of her like I've seen Jasper do a million times before.

"Your impression of him is uncanny."

She lets me take her hand again, and she leads me through the heart of Park Slope where it's less crowded. The sidewalks are much wider, but we still walk close. I'm not sure where we're heading. It doesn't matter. She could lead me anywhere and I'd let her.

Despite our teasing, she seems more guarded. I want to make sure she understands. "I didn't ask for it either. And I put a stop to it as soon as I realized what was happening..."

I struggle with what I'm trying to say.

"Why do I sense a 'but' in there somewhere, Edward?"

"But… bottom line... it made me realize you're the only one I want to kiss."

After saying it out loud, I'm lighter. It's easier to breathe.

She stops short and tugs at my hand so I'm facing her. "Then what are you waiting for?"

With another brush of my lips against hers, it's all forgotten.

Bella's breathless from the kiss but there's something else. She seems uneasy. "There's something I need to say too."

Fuck. I hope she's not about to tell me Alec kissed her. "You don't have to-"

"I'm so sorry."

"Drink?" I offer, but the look in her eyes tells me this isn't the time to be funny. "Bella you really don't have to -"

"It was never just fucking. I've regretted it ever since I said it. I'm so sorry."

I remember the sting of what she said in her parent's garage. It seems like nothing compared to the look on Bella's face now. I hate that she's been carrying guilt around all this time. "You knew what I needed more than I did."

"I never want to make you feel that way again. It's not like this with anyone else."

"We both needed to follow our paths. There's nothing to forgive."

"Are you sure?"

"I promise."

"Oh my God, I love you." She says it easy, effortlessly. And I'm addicted to three small words.

With our confessions out of the way, our next kiss is different. Her breath feels warmer, her lips feel softer. It's just us. No collar. No guilt. It's even better than I imagined it could be.

I slide a hand under her t-shirt. She gasps as my thumb grazes her lace covered breast.

The kiss deepens. Our tongues meet. She tastes like peppermint and whiskey and smells like fresh cut grass. I'm eager for more and so is Bella. She arches her back and grabs at my waist. She pulls me close.

"Now you say it," she quietly pleads.

Like she needs to ask.

"I love you too."

"Fuck," she mumbles as her mouth crashes into mine.

The more I have, the more I need. Bella grabs a hold of my shoulders as I press her against the trunk of the nearest tree and kiss along her neck.

"Edward," she sighs. It's like the first time I heard her say my name, priesting out in my office at St. Mary's. Back then I thought temptation was my biggest fear. Now I know losing Bella is what scared me the most.

"You love me," I tell her, just to hear myself say it.

"I love you," she confirms, and suddenly every article of clothing is just in the way.

Christ.

"About that room?" I'm practically gasping for air.

Bella's face lights up like it's Christmas morning. She slips from between me and the tree. She reaches out and unlatches an iron gate. "We're home."

I look up. The house is huge, grand, three stories high with a little yard and tons of windows.

I glance down the street - Christ, my apartment's just on the other side of the park - then back to Bella.

"This is yours?"

She nods, excited.

"How long have you been here?"

"Since yesterday."

She tightens her grip on my hand and tugs me along as she runs up the steps. At the door, she fumbles with the lock like she's nervous.

"Hey," I whisper, pushing her hair from her face.

Bella jumps like I've stunned her and drops her keys. We both stoop to reach for them at the same time.

She giggles. She's blushing. It's beautiful.

"Everything okay?"

She places her hand over mine as we stand, then takes a deep breath.

"No biggie. This is just my dream come true." She goes up on tiptoe and places a peck on my lips. "Even rock stars get nervous sometimes."

...and former priests.

"There's nothing inside yet," she explains, as she turns the key in the lock and pushes the door open. She searches in the dark for a light switch. "Not much, anyway. I have some stuff coming, but-"

"Jesus," I interrupt. The house is fucking amazing. Original but modern, hardwood and high ceilings. There isn't much furniture, but I can picture it full of life. As I close the door behind me, the sound of the lock clicking echoes.

Bella turns to face me. "What do you think?"

I drop the groceries onto the floor.

"Fucking gorgeous."

"I know, right? It's-"

"I was talking about you. Say it again."

Her smile is radiant. "I love you. You're the best thing to ever happen to me. Alice told me to imagine this. I wanted you here and now you are and wait until you see the backyard…"

She's babbling, excited. I get it, but all I care about is her. Us. So before she can head toward the back of the house, I wrap an arm around her and pull her into a kiss.

The past year is suddenly worth it. All the heartache and hard decisions, second guessing my promise, wishing I could be with her, wondering if she wanted the same.

But she's fucking here now.

More important than any of it, she loves me.

Bella whimpers as her hands slide underneath my tee. Her fingers rest against my skin and it makes every part of my body come alive.

She tugs at my shirt and steps back as I pull it over my head. Her breath catches as she takes me in. She reaches a hand out and slides it along my stomach, up to my chest.

Her fingers trace the new words inked there.

Faith Hope Love

"The greatest of these is love," she hums. "First Corinthians."

"When I get small notes from you, I listen."

Her hand settles over my heart. Over my vows. "You kept them."

"You're not gonna run away this time are you?"

She looks up from my chest. "I'm not going anywhere. I'm home. Stay with me?"

"It's all I've wanted since the day we met."

I rest my hands on her shoulders, then let my fingers graze along her arms to her wrists. I play at the hem of her shirt and peek up into her eyes. "Is this okay?"

"You're really not a priest anymore?"

"Not a priest," I tell her.

"Then it would definitely be better if it was off."

A moment later her shirt falls to the floor. She reaches around her back then slips black lace straps from her shoulders. Her big, brown eyes never leave mine as her bra lands next to her shirt.

The look she gives me is humbling.

She trusts me. She wants this. I take a moment to thank God.

Then I take another moment to cup her breast.

Bella hisses as I rub a thumb over her nipple. "Thank God."

"Already did."

She waggles her eyebrows. "For my tits? Or for tonight?"

"For you."

Bella looks me over. Her fingers trace over my tatt before sweeping down to the waistband of my jeans. "Still so fucking hot," she says.

My cheeks light on fire. I want to close the space between us, but I notice I'm not the only one with new ink. My fingers slide to the last date over Bella's ribs. "Is that…?"

Now she's blushing too as her hand covers mine. "It's the day we met. My life hasn't been the same since."

I couldn't agree more. "Mine either."

Fuck. I knew I wanted something to remind me of her on my skin, something to tether me to her forever. I never thought she'd do the same.

Bella lifts an eyebrow and tugs at my belt loop with one hand while the other closes over the button of my jeans. "This okay?"

"Not the word I'd use… Say it again."

She flashes the smile. "You're getting greedy."

"Maybe," I tell her. "But I can't hear it enough."

"I love you, Edward. Now would you please let me get you naked?"

Before I know it, clothes are scattered all over the floor and she's in my arms. There's a dining room table not too far away.

She giggles as she wraps her legs around me and wriggles against my dick. "Still working out, I see."

Christ.

Bella nips her way from my jaw to my collarbone as I set her down onto the table. Her thighs tighten around me. This might be over before it even begins.

"This is gonna be quick." I confess.

"And hard. Please?"

Fuck.

As much as I hate to untangle our limbs, I want to be inside her more. So I give her a quick kiss, then jog across the room and get the condoms.

She grabs the box from my hands and tears it open. "I haven't been with anyone since you."

"I don't want to be with anyone other than you. Ever."

Her eyelids flutter. Her body shudders. She looks me over. "You're mine?"

"Always."

"Amen," she says as she rolls the latex over my dick.

The feel of her hands on me again nearly pushes me over the edge. I try to breathe.

"Are you going to make me beg?" she asks.

I grin. "Always."

"Cap would never make a woman beg," she teases as she spreads her legs and leans back onto her hands.

"Cap would never fuck a woman on her dining room table," I counter. "Stark on the other hand..." I reach between her legs. She lets out a small moan.

"Here, right?"

She nods as she sinks back, beautiful and shameless. Her hips tilt as I rub small circles just where she likes it.

"I could worship you all night."

"Yes, please," she pants.

I press harder. "Say it again."

"I love you."

I slide a finger inside her. Then two. Her body flushes. She arches her back.

I circle her clit again with my thumb.

"Oh my God, I love you."

Christ. I caress her breast, then take her nipple into my mouth. I nip. I lick. I bite. She bucks beneath me.

"Fuck," she swears. "I fucking love you."

My fingers move deeper. She rocks her hips. I circle, I dip, I curse against her skin.

"I… fuck…. I… Edward, I…" Bella fists my hair. She writhes beneath me as her body clenches around my fingers.

Her chest shudders. "Fucking Christ."

I kiss the valley between her breasts, then the dates under her ribs. One particular date I kiss twice. Then three times. It's the day my path took an unexpected turn. I'll be thanking God for that day for the rest of my life.

"Edward," she breathes. I hum, moving lower. I press my lips to the little black cross over her hip.

She grasps at my shoulders, tugging me closer like she's desperate. "I need you up here. I need you inside me already."

She needs me.

As much as I need her.

And fuck if I don't want her as much as I love her.

God help me, there's no coming back from this.

The knowledge is overwhelming.

Before I know it, I grab her legs and pull her to the edge.

My eyes dip. I take her in. She's flawless. She's mine. "It's back on the table?"

Bella laughs and covers her face. "It better be," she says, peeking through her fingers.

I peel her hands away and pin them just over her head.

Seeing the smile while she's under me like this. Skin on skin. Soul on soul. It's everything.

"I love you," I tell her.

Before she can say another word, I push into her. She gasps as my mouth covers hers and hell, I know it's going to be quick, so I do my best to give her what she wants.

I make it hard.

"Fuck." She digs her fingers into my biceps.

Her hips meet mine, thrust for thrust. "Jesus…. Christ."

The table scrapes against the floor. I wonder if it's gonna collapse.

"Mary… Mother of… Fucking God," she finishes. Then her eyes go wide. "Oh my God. Edward. Sorry."

She looks past me, up toward the ceiling and mumbles something breathlessly. "...no offense. Amen."

Fuck. "Did you just pray. While we're having sex?"

"Um."

"That's the sexiest… fucking thing... I've ever..." Christ. The table practically slams into the wall. "Seen."

My body shudders. I'm spent. Done. I collapse on top of her. Our breathing is heavy.

Then we laugh.

I push some hair from her face.

"Say it again?" I ask.

She bites her lip and bats her lashes. "Mary, mother of fucking-"

With a brush of my hand over the date on her ribs, she squeals with laughter. She tries to squirm out from under me but she can't. She's trapped beneath me.

Her hair is a mess, her eyes are shining. God, I love her. "Say the other thing."

"I love you, Edward." I let her go as I bask in those words.

"I love you too… This look."

"What about it?" she wonders out loud.

"I could spend the rest of my life with you and it would never be enough."

"Works for me. I'm never letting go of you again."

"You sure?" I ask.

Her lips turn up in a half smile. She slides her hands around my waist, confident and sure. "Who do you think I got this big ass house for?"

It is a big house. Fucking huge. With more than a dining room table in it, hopefully. "Bella?"

"Mmm?"

"I can do better."

She hums. "Don't I know it."

She hops onto the floor and rakes her eyes over me. They linger on my dick. She raises an eyebrow. "Want to see the bedroom? Show me what you've got?"

Never have I ever wanted to run up a flight of stairs so fast. But I have something to take care of first.

"Give me a second?" I grab my jeans and pull my cell phone out.

Bella narrows her eyes. I hate to ignore her, even for a second, but this is kind of important.

I text Alice.

Hey can you feed Picco?

She texts back almost immediately. OMG

Is that a yes?

Bella's cell immediately starts to ring from across the room. When I look up from the screen, she's staring at me with one hand on her hip. And she's fucking sexy as hell, doing it naked.

DUH Alice finally texts back when Bella doesn't answer her phone.

"You sure you're not seeing anyone?"

"No, it's…" Instead of telling her, I pull up a photo of the kitten. "I have this cat…. It's-"

"Adorable!" Her hands fly to cover her mouth. "Oh my goodness! How? Why?"

I shrug. "One of Emmett's crazy ideas."

"He said you needed a cat?"

I try not to look anywhere in particular. Definitely not there. It's difficult when Bella's not wearing a stitch of clothing.

"Not exactly." My cheeks are burning. I'm sure they're red.

She gives me a look like she suspects something then shakes her head. "Very subtle." She laughs. "He wasn't wrong though."

"No, he wasn't. Still wanna show me your bedroom?"

She takes my hand and leads me up the stairs.

Chapter 43 - Indulgence

 

Chapter 43. Indulgence

Bella

Liam laughs maniacally. "Then Black Widow kicks Thanos in the butt!"

"Wait, which one of your sisters is Black Widow?" I ask him.

"You are!" the girls yell at me.

"I am Gamora," the littlest says.

"And I'm Scarlet Witch. I'm going to pick Thanos up with my brain!"

I make a T with my hands, the universal sign for time out. "Listen, I told you I'm Captain Marvel not Widow."

Liam stomps his foot. "But Captain Marvel sucks."

"And we let you make Eddie Iron Man and he can't even walk!" my niece argues.

Eddie sways on his feet, takes a step, and crumbles to the grassy lawn. I'm thinking he might need a new Arc Reactor.

"And you made me the Hulk named Ed!" Liam stomps again. "It's not fair, Auntie Bella!"

I roll my eyes. All this arguing and we're losing Thanos - their new pet turtle. He's already past the swing set and is headed for the shed. "Fine, I'll be Widow," I huff.

"Yay!"

"Now, on the count of three!" I call. "One… two… three!"

My nieces, nephews, and I charge toward the swing set. We jump into the empty kiddie pool, scramble through the sandbox, and fall into a big heap in the corner of the yard near the garage. Thanos disappears underneath the shed. We've gone completely off script, but we're tickling and laughing as we roll around on the ground. Iron Man crawls as fast as he can in our direction. I have a niece on my belly, a toddler grabbing my tit, and a fishy-smelling hand in my face when someone clears their throat by the back door.

"I don't know how you manage her," Rose says.

"Fuck if I know," Alec replies with a chuckle.

I channel Captain fucking Marvel and throw the kids off me. I'm pretty sure I rise from the ground like I'm levitating. From the back porch, Emmett doubles over laughing, while Alec shakes his head with tears in his eyes. Rose jogs across the yard to catch Eddie before he crawls under the shed after Thanos.

"Want to pull yourself together?" Alec asks.

I push the hair from my face. I tug at my t-shirt and brush the grass from the knees of my jeans.

"What do you mean?"

He looks me over from head to toe. "Is this what you're going with?" To be fair, grass-stained jeans and a t-shirt are worlds apart from what I used to wear when I opened for Mike. That was back before I figured out how comfortable it felt to be myself.

"This is me. It's why I'm fuckin' here in the first place." I swing Liam into my arms as the little guy tries to charge past me. "No fish upstairs, young man," I warn.

Liam squirms out of my arms and heads straight for the refrigerator. It's not my problem. Hell, it's not even Rose and Emmett's. "Who's watching these guys tonight?" I ask Rose as I pluck Eddie from her arms.

"What do you mean?"

Emmett jabs his wife in the ribs and arches an eyebrow. "Angie's coming over, right?"

I narrow my eyes. "Angela and her infant daughter are going to babysit five kids under ten?"

Rose stares hard at her husband. "That would clearly be absurd."

"Hey, at least I remembered we'd need a sitter," he shoots back. "At least I'm trying."

Rose and Em stare at each other like they're having a silent conversation. It looks a little more charged than the ones I usually have with God.

Shit. They really are fighting. They better have someone to watch the kids or whatever romantic gesture Emmett has planned is out the window.

"You do have a sitter, right?" I ask.

"Don't worry about us," Rose says. Her smile is a little too sweet, a little too bright. I'm practically blinded by it. It's the 'Rose is perfect, so don't you dare question her' smile.

It works. Every fucking time.

Alec squares my shoulders and gives me a reassuring nod. "Leave it to me. If they need a sitter I'll find a sitter. You just concentrate on yourself right now."

"You know, you're gonna have to get used to me caring about my family."

Alec takes a deep breath. "I think I could get used to that."

I take a step back at the same time Rose clears her throat.

My manager's immediately back in business mode. He checks the time on his phone. "Family or not, you and I have places to be, crowds to slay. Ready?"

I'm about to follow Alec inside, but Rose holds me back with a hand on my shoulder. "Listen Slayer, he's not the one for you."

In the kitchen, Alec accepts a frozen fish stick from Liam and gamely takes a bite. He shudders but smiles kindly at my nephew. When Liam's not looking, Emmett hands Alec a napkin and he spits it out and quickly dumps it into the trash.

"Don't settle for what's comfortable," she tells me.

I don't settle. I know what I love.

"I didn't come back because it's comfortable."

"That's not what I'm talking about. Hold out for the kind of guy that can bring you to tears when he looks into your eyes at a rehearsal dinner."

I sigh. "It took twenty-seven years for something like that to happen, Rose."

Her blue eyes glitter. "I have a feeling it's not going to take twenty-seven more."

"From your lips to the Big Guy's ears," I tell her.

"Promise. We've all been praying on your behalf."

It's good to hear. Maybe with all that silent talking, He'll finally listen.

xXxXx

Alec rushes ahead as we make our way to the waiting car so he can open the door for me.

"Your chariot, my lady." He bows a little and winks.

I roll my eyes. "And you call me a dork," I tell him as I throw my guitar into the back seat.

"Ow!"

What the hell?

"Alec, did you get me a talking car?"

A head peeks out of the open door. Emily Young smiles up at me. "Your manager got you a friend." She shoots a pitying look Alec's way. "Next time, spring for it and get my girl a talking car too."

"Oh my God!" I squeal.

Emily reaches her hand out and pulls me into the backseat, then into a huge hug.

"How are you even here?" I ask. "I had no freakin' clue you were in New York."

"I wasn't. This guy convinced me to fly out." She nods to Alec. He grins as he looks out the window.

I nudge him with my shoulder. "You did this?" The tops of Alec's cheeks pink.

Emily starts chattering away about the new material she's recording back in Los Angeles. I tell her about the shows I have lined up in New York. Alec joins in, explaining how he was against my idea at first, but how it seemed more right as time went on. Emily agrees.

"You can take the girl out of Brooklyn, but you can't take Brooklyn out of the girl, you know?" She chuckles.

Alec shakes his head. "There's a new limit to how much I can take the girl out of Brooklyn. Bella's orders."

"Ordering people around. Look at you!" Emily shoves me playfully. "Next thing you know you'll be demanding Cristal and caviar."

"More like craft beer and cookies," Alec offers. I've got to give it to the guy, he definitely knows me.

I look between Alec and Emily, then out the windows to Gravesend Bay on one side of the car, and tall Brooklyn highrises on the other. My hometown. My closest friends. Heading to my show in Brooklyn.

This should be perfect. It almost is.

But there's still something missing. Someone.

Avoiding his existence hasn't worked. Banning my family from talking about him might have spared me some pain, but it was like plastering a band-aid over an open wound.

Maybe it's been long enough. Maybe if Alice tells me about the good Edward's doing in the world, I can finally accept that he made all the difference in my life and leave it at that. Maybe I could even let him know. Not in person, of course. If I saw him in person, I know what I'd say. The words would still come out the same.

I love you. You're the best thing to ever happen to me.

I try to banish the thought from my brain. It's probably safer to write him a letter. Maybe then I can accept that I've got it from here.

This Bars in Brooklyn tour is proof. My new home is proof. My relationship with my family is too.

I've worked hard to fill up the huge hole where my happiness should live.

Eventually, I'll stop feeling like something's missing. Right?

I have everything a girl could want.

Emily and Alec each sling an arm over a shoulder. Emily ruffles my hair, Alec brushes a stray blade of grass from my shirt.

Dear God, Why do I still feel wrong when everything around me is right? I've put in the work. I've even had fucking faith. I've been pretty chill about You not answering and shit, but just this one time, I could really use a word or two that I'm on the right path. Amen

xXxXx

At Freddy's, the back room's empty except for a star-struck server and a sound guy. Emily tries to lie low with a glass of whiskey while I fidget with the mic stand, fighting back nerves. New York crowds can be tough. With a stripped down set in a tiny space like this, there's no covering if I fuck up.

Shit.

Woulda been helpful if I thought about that a few months back. I'm fucking brilliant.

As I'm debating about whether or not I can back out, Alec materializes in front of the stage and hands me a glass of something amber.

I arch an eyebrow.

"Drink up, you're nervous."

I take a whiff and wrinkle my nose. It's been a while since I've had a scotch.

"You'd rather have herbal tea, wouldn't you?"

"Does it make me an old lady if I say yes?"

Alec smirks. "It makes you a more reliable lady. Makes my job easier. Would you settle for black tea?"

I make a face. He laughs. "You got this, B."

Emily raises her glass from across the room and I take a tiny sip. The alcohol burns on the way down.

"Remind me exactly what I've got?" I ask Alec as I choke down the drink.

"Well, for one, you've got a mic check," the sound guy says.

With another sip it's easier to think about the speakers than what I've got or what I'm missing. Another sip and I try a few bars of my newest song. A few more gulps and I'm chatting with the manager, Chris, in the back hall as the first few people filter in.

"You know this is nuts, right?" Chris asks. "The last big act here was Blue Oyster Cult, like before you and I were born."

At least he's not comparing me to Janis Joplin. Chris and I talk about the musicians they've had at Freddy's - from local blues singers, to neighborhood bands. The kind of people I'm more likely to meet on a barstool out front, the kind of people I compare myself to.

Before I know it, he's checking his watch. Then he's onstage telling a cheering crowd how nervous he was having me here.

"I didn't know what to expect. What the fuck, you know? Freddy's Bar? Bella Swan?"

The audience laughs. Someone whistles.

"But then I spent the last twenty minutes talking to her, and she's not as scary as I thought. I knew she was talented, but she's also down to fucking earth, and fucking funny, and knows her fucking shit about Brooklyn-based musicians. So, without further ado, let's give a warm Freddy's welcome to Bella fucking Swan!"

The enthusiastic applause from the little audience reminds me of the last time I sang in Brooklyn at Angela's rehearsal dinner. Everyone's going wild as they clap, stomp, and shout my name. As I step out onto the tiny stage, the audience explodes. Chris hops off the stage and takes a seat up front with some friends.

I try shading my eyes because the stage lights are blinding, but all I can see is a bunch of silhouettes and a bright red exit sign. It's too warm. The room's overcrowded with stylish hipsters. I feel penned in on stage.

It's a lot like my first paid gig back in Sheepshead Bay.

"Hey, Brooklyn! How's it going?" I ask.

"Sing Lost in Love!" someone shouts back.

Everyone laughs. I stop what I'm doing and roll my eyes dramatically. The crowd chuckles some more.

"Now that that's out of the way, how about we get right to it?" I launch into the first song I played all those years ago in Sheepshead Bay. The crowd goes nuts. My set list goes out the window. Riding the momentum, I slip into whatever feels right. I take the whole stage and have fun with it. I take another drink and even have fun with that too.

I walk to the edge to give the guys at Chris' table some shit, low-key insulting them when I ask if they're from Williamsburg. The lights aren't as bright here. I strum a few notes as I look out at the crowd. There are lots of tatts and t-shirts, a few random flannels, but plenty of skin since it's August.

I don't see Rose. There's no sign of Emmett. But toward the very back, along the bar, I spot a broad chest and an Avengers t-shirt.

I blink.

I think my heart stops beating.

It's Edward.

Any doubt about who it is disappears when I spot Emily practically jumping, pointing in his direction.

Edward.

He's as hot as the first day I saw him in my parent's dining room.

He's as attentive as the night he watched me at Angela's rehearsal dinner.

It's so much more than that though.

He's what's missing.

With him here, for the first time, everything feels right. It feels one hundred percent, abso-fucking-lutely right.

I take another sip.

I glance at the ceiling.

Finally fucking answering me, huh?

With another look in his direction, I'm warm all over.

I feel certain.

I'll take Edward however I can get him - as a penpal, as a priest, as a friend. I'm not going to let him get away.

God knows what I'm going to say to Edward when I get the chance, and He put him here in the bar with me anyway.

I love you. You're the best thing to ever happen to me.

Maybe it's because Alice told me Edward's in a good place. Maybe it's because seeing him from across the room, he looks so fuckin' fine. Maybe it's because I'm a little insane. A year ago, I was sure it would be wrong to say those words. Tonight I know it's right.

It doesn't make any sense.

I look up at the ceiling one more time.

You're definitely weird, but I'm gonna trust You.

This one's for you, Big Guy.

I start playing a favorite of my dad's - an old George Michael song.

---

EDWARD:

The last time I was in the same room with Bella, she was saying goodbye. She said to go build my tower. She asked me not to get in touch.

Tonight feels like I'm seeing her for the first time. I'm nervous and excited, my heart is pounding inside my chest.

And tonight there's no commitment to God standing between us.

Bella wanted me to build my tower. I can't finish it without her.

I haven't called or texted. Being here doesn't technically break my promise. I'm doing what she's asked.

She still did the right thing, leaving Sheepshead Bay last year. She's more confident now, more charismatic. Her tongue and cheek rendition of Faith has the bar roaring with laughter. Her happiness is infectious. Everyone's on their feet. Emily almost gets me to dance.

Watching her is like being backstage at the Bowery, or sneaking a smoke in her parents' backyard. It's like sharing a chaise, looking out at the ocean, or stopping for a kiss in the middle of a storm.

Like holding each other on the dance floor and not caring who sees.

It's how she used to look at me.

I'd give anything for her to look at me like that again.

I think about what Alice said. She misses you.

And Emmett's note. It's been long enough.

He could have been a little more specific. Long enough for what? Long enough, go watch her sing? Long enough, go talk to her? Long enough, can we all say your names around each other without it being weird?

Long enough, maybe you two can be friends now? Or long enough, tell you love her again and maybe this time it'll be different?

"Fuck."

I run a hand through my hair. It's smaller inside Freddy's Bar than I thought it would be. I'm as far away from the stage as I could get, but she's right fucking there. I could probably call out her name and she'd hear me.

And damn, she's still so fucking beautiful. Still wearing a stripe of color in her hair. Tonight it's red. Still managing to make old t-shirts look sexy. She's still so much the same but so different too.

I know I should stay out of her way, but I'm dying to get closer. To stare into her eyes for the rest of the night.

And probably freak her the fuck out. Yeah, not going to do it.

I take a swig of my beer and try to calm down.

Bella takes a break to interact with the crowd. She tells a self-deprecating story about the last time she was at Freddy's. People laugh. Bella does too. I'm busy remembering the way it felt when she would confide her stories in me - during confession, on the subway, in bed.

Now she's confessing, again, about drinking too much, about getting the boot from one of the guys sitting at that front row table. He points to himself, pretending to act shocked.

"Yeah you," she says. "Just picture all this." She holds her arms out to the sides. "A little more wasted, a lot less famous."

The guys at the table lose it. They give their friend all kinds of shit. He couldn't care less, he's enamored. How can I blame him?

Bella introduces a new song. I pull my phone out.

I start to text Emmett to ask him what the fuck he was thinking when someone gives me a nudge.

"Hey, aren't you Bella's friend?"

I look over to the woman nearly and choke on my drink. "Emily. Shit. Hi."

She laughs. "Yeah, you're the sort of taken one. Edward, right?"

"No. I mean yeah, Edward but, no, not taken. Not anymore."

Christ.

I take another drink.

Emily arches an eyebrow and smirks. "I see."

I clear my throat. "How are you?"

"Fantastic now that I'm watching our girl up there." She tells me a story about a last minute invite to be here. How she was so rushed, she accidentally brought her dog with her on the plane. How a nice fan at the airport took care of her and got her a carrier. And how the concierge at her hotel has been watching him for hours. She's paying double what she'd pay a kennel but says it's worth it for 'our girl' up on stage.

It should probably feel weird, sitting next to Emily Young at Bella's gig, chatting like we're old friends, but she makes it easy. The way she refers to Bella as 'our girl' reminds me how Bella told me I'd fit in with her friends once. At the time it didn't seem possible.

Maybe she was right after all.

We settle in to hear Bella's next song. She makes it look effortless.

The guy at the front row table makes it look effortless too. Watching her, talking to his friends… talking to his friends about watching her.

"Interesting," Emily muses from beside me while she sips on her drink.

"What?"

"You," she says then looks toward the front of the room. "They're not her type, honey."

"Yeah?" I pick at the label of my beer. "Who is?"

She shrugs as I take a long sip. "You're the only person I've ever seen her into."

And I practically spit out my drink.

"She is on fire tonight, isn't she, Em?" A tall guy puts his arm around Emily. He looks far too excited about the woman up on stage to be no one. He also looks like he's trying very hard to come off as casual.

He's not casual.

"She sure is." Emily raises her glass and sways to the beat.

Her friend eyes me. "Didn't know you had a date tonight."

"I'm not her date." I nod at the stage as Bella begins her next song. A sexy hymn. My sexy hymn. "I'm here for her."

He laughs. "Well, aren't we all?"

Emily grins. "This one's a little different, Alec."

She's right. I am different. I'm the guy Bella wrote this fucking hymn for.

"He's got it bad," Emily tells her friend, Alec. He narrows his eyes at me. He looks like he's about to say something else when a group of men crowd around the bar, demanding drinks. One of them mentions Bella's name, another whistles. "I'd tap that!"

"Amen, dude!" They fist bump each other.

"Maybe you shouldn't bring God into it," I call out over the music.

He laughs at me. "What?"

"And maybe you should show a little more respect."

"Calm down," Alec says in a low voice. "I don't like it either, but they're just drunk. It's harmless."

I'm not entirely convinced. He reads me like a book. "And if they're not, I'll make sure they find the exit."

He looks stern, determined, dead serious. This time I believe him.

The group moves along to go find their seats and Alec claps me on the back.

"Tell you what," he says. "Come find me after the show. I'll introduce you."

He winks like he's doing me this huge favor. In a way, I guess he is.

Before I can say anything, Alec nods to Emily and walks away.

"I take it that's-"

"Bella's manager," Emily says. "Really good guy. He's got her back, ya know?"

I breathe a little easier. "That's good," I whisper more to myself than to Emily. Then I glance upward at the ceiling. Thanks.

It's easy to get lost in Bella's music. She seems exhausted toward the end, but she looks so fucking happy. Exactly like the first and last time I saw her sing on stage. She was born to be under that spotlight.

I'm happy too. Watching her online is one thing. Being here with her, live, is intoxicating.

xXxXx

When Bella finishes up, the crowd erupts. We clap, we cheer.

She jogs over to her manager. He's beaming, proud, as she waves a hand, asking him for something.

I can hear her laughter from here.

He searches his pockets. Bella grabs a napkin off of a table then pulls her hair up into a messy bun.

Alec gesticulates as she writes something down in a hurry. He looks confused as she rolls the note up and hands it back to him.

It reminds me of when she used to do that with me.

Fuck.

"Sing Lost in Love!" someone shouts from a booth. Just about everyone in the bar howls with laughter. Instead of rolling her eyes this time, Bella blushes as she laughs along with the crowd.

She may as well be looking right at me.

As everyone starts chanting Lost in Love the bartender slides a napkin in front of me, then sets a drink on top of it.

"Sorry, I didn't order-"

"I know. Here." She hands me a tiny rolled up piece of napkin and walks away.

My heart stops as I stare at it for a few seconds. I peek over at Emily. She winks and orders another drink.

As I unfold the note, my stomach tightens. My face is on fire.

Drink, you Godly son of a bitch.

My breath catches in the back of my throat. My eyes snap to the stage. This time, Bella really is staring right at me.

With that smile. The smile.

The one she's still saving just for me.

"Fuck."

And then… she starts to sing.

It's Lost in Love.

The words are the same, but the way she sings it is different.

It's sad but hopeful, heartbreaking and uplifting. The tempo is slower, but the meaning is deeper because of it.

Her voice gradually drops to a whisper, so when she pauses to take a breath, people are on the edge of their seats. You could hear a pin drop as we all wait.

As I wait. Like I used to at St. Mary's. In the confessional.

Moments pass. Seconds, hours, days… I'm not sure.

When she starts to sing again, she's staring at me again. My heart just about splits in two. It's like she's singing a secret. Our secret. But telling the world.

As she finishes the last chord, I wipe tears from the corners of my eyes. I try to breathe as I swallow the lump down in the back of my throat.

The crowd is completely silent, like they can't believe she just gave them this gift. Then cheering takes over.

People are clapping, going wild. It seems like just about everyone has recorded it. Phones are still up in the air. She hops off the stage. People swarm around her, but she pushes through the crowd, headed this way.

Headed for me.

I lose her for a minute in the sea of fans. Then she emerges and time stops.

She's here, standing right in front of me. Just like she never left.

Her eyes search mine, like maybe she's waiting for me to explain myself.

I take a deep breath.

"I had to see you."

"I love you."

"And I'm sorry if-" Wait. "What?"

"You're sorry?" She smirks. It's sexy as hell. "Drink, Father."

There's a challenge in her eyes, the same one she's always had. She takes a step closer, picks up the drink off the bar, and hands it to me.

I play the game. I can't fucking help myself. I never can when it comes to Bella.

I take a sip for courage, if nothing else. "Bella, I'm not-"

"What. The fuck. Was that genius!?" Alec pulls Bella into a hug. "That song! Jesus, I didn't even know you were working on it." He sets his hands on her shoulders and looks into her eyes. "It was fucking beautiful. You were amazing."

Bella slips away from her manager. "Alec, there's someone you have to meet. This is Edward." She takes a deep breath and looks steadily into my eyes. "He's the best thing to ever happen to me."

She takes a step closer. Close enough to touch. Close enough for me to see the little flecks of gold in her deep brown eyes.

"I, uh, I guess you've, um… already met?" Alec stammers, but Bella's not paying attention. I shouldn't be either. He doesn't matter.

She seems confused. "I thought you were in Rome."

"I was."

"I almost died when I saw you in the audience."

"I'm glad you didn't."

She bites her lip. "Christ, I love you. I know it's super inconvenient, but I can't not say it. Sorry."

She loves me. "It's not inconvenient." Not by a long shot.

My head spins.

"Emmett had me convinced he was going to make this big romantic gesture, but, yeah. It's you." She's breathless, nervous maybe, and can't take her eyes off of me.

"I can't believe it's you," she whispers.

"Emmett's got a lot of crazy ideas."

She loves me.

She did say it loud, right?

Bella ducks her head. "Like getting me to confess my love to a priest. I don't even know what I'm doing right now. Sorry."

I hand my glass to her. "Drink."

Bella bursts out laughing. She steadies herself with a hand on my chest. I can't help but put a hand over hers. She looks up into my eyes and takes a long drink.

"Say it again?"

She swallows. "God fuckin' help me, but I love you."

"I love you too," I tell her even though it's difficult to breathe. What she said a minute ago hits me. "But I'm not-"

"A priest?" Alec asks.

"Ohhhh," Emily hums. "Taken."

"Fuck. I'm an idiot." Bella's expression falls. "I'm sorry. I'm really glad you were here."

"Drink," I tell her again.

I turn to Alec. "And I'm not a priest."

Bella pats my chest. "Don't worry, Alec's cool. He won't say anything."

"For what it's worth, he told me he's not taken anymore," Emily says. "I coulda' told you that a year ago, by the way."

"Priest or not, do you think you could be in the audience every night?" Alec asks. "She hasn't sung that song since-"

"Angela's rehearsal dinner," Bella and I finish for him.

I can't stop staring at her. She can't stop touching my chest. I don't mind at all. "I've got tickets for the rest of the week. I work most nights, but I'll be there whenever I can."

"Why are you working nights? Prayer groups? Bible studies?"

"I'm not a priest." I tuck some hair behind her ear. She shivers.

"You're not?"

"No. Say it again."

She seems stunned. "What?"

"I love you," I tell her.

"I love you too." She seems more excited every time she says it.

"Fuck," we say together.

She rests her hand against my chest again. This time it's not nerves. This time it's closing the gap between us. It's a connection. The same one we've always had.

She pushes up onto her tiptoes. She whispers into my ear.

"Later?"

I close my eyes. Her breath is hot against my skin.

"Absolutely." I slide a hand along her waist.

She looks around.

Right. People.

Bella takes a small step back and I want to grab a hold of her, keep her close. That might make her uncomfortable so I suck it up and try to act normal.

"You're sure you're not a priest? Weren't you in Rome with Bishop Whitlock?"

"I was," I tell her, anxious to explain everything. "But then I figured out what was important to me."

Bella raises an eyebrow. She waits. She looks like she's holding her breath.

"There were so many things, Bella. And I'm dying to tell you about it, but I was still missing what was most important. I was still missing you."

She glances up at the ceiling, closes her eyes, and says something under her breath.

"What was that?"

Bella blushes. She bites her bottom lip. Suddenly she can't quite look me in the eye.

"Were you just…?"

She looks up at me with relief, satisfaction… bliss. "He finally fuckin' answered."

"You spoke to Him about us?"

"Silently. Maybe. A few times." She looks slightly guilty, like maybe it was more than a few. Maybe a few dozen. A few hundred even.

Christ. I knew I prayed. Every day. It never crossed my mind she'd been praying for this too.

Bella giggles. "Edward, the look? Really?"

I take her hand. Maybe this should feel awkward. Me, Bella. Here. Finally. I haven't touched her in forever, but it feels comfortable, effortless.

"I've really missed this."

I'm suddenly aware Emily and Alec are trying very desperately not to stare at the two of us. The rest of the bar isn't trying quite as hard. A few people sneak some pics.

"Wanna get out of here?" I ask her. "Or maybe you'd rather stay…"

"Hey, Em?" Bella doesn't look away. "I know you just flew like three thousand miles."

"Oh my God, would you go already?" She squeezes Bella's arm then gives us both a playful push toward the exit.

Bella glances over her shoulder toward the stage.

"I've got it all under control," Alec says quietly. He gives a little wave before he heads for the stage, then turns around abruptly. "You have until Tuesday night. Then we're over in Bay Ridge. I'll text to confirm the car. No grass stains this time. Okay?"

As we leave, hand in hand, it feels pretty surreal.

I have her until Tuesday.

That's a start.