Chapter 22 - Intercession

 

Chapter 22. Intercession

Father Cullen

"Oh my God, I'm sorry."

My mind is reeling as I put the office back together. I'm on edge as I try to come to grips with how much I want Bella, and what that means for me.

But aside from worrying over what the church might do if they knew what happened today, I'm more concerned about why she left.

I went too far. Expected too much.

Or maybe I'm just an inexperienced idiot who doesn't know what the fuck he's doing.

I stop in my tracks when I find the tank top she left on the floor.

As I fall into my chair, I picture how she looked up at me right after she pulled it over her head. And I cling to the way it felt to touch her. Kiss her. Have her skin against mine.

Soft.

Warm.

Trembling.

The door opens and I shove Bella's top into my lap. Jasper peeks into the office and knocks at the same time.

Jesus, two minutes earlier and he would have walked in on Bella and me, half naked on the desk.

We lock eyes and he opens his mouth. Then something above my head catches his attention and a scowl spreads across his face.

"Who is that?" he points to the wall behind me and I turn to see the large picture frame still sitting backwards against the wall.

And I sigh. Because fuck. I forgot to turn Fergie around.

"That's…" A highly inappropriate photo of the Black Eyed Peas' lead singer in cream colored short shorts with ruffles on the bottom, heels, and sinful red lipstick.

"Not Pope Francis," Jasper frowns, confused.

I suck some air in through my teeth. "No, it is not." I stare at the picture for too long. Because yeah, Fergie's tits are out there, sure, but Bella's are so much better.

"I take it the discussion didn't go as expected?" Jasper's question shocks me back to reality. It doesn't take a genius to realize he must have crossed paths with Bella in the hallway. I panic for a second, wondering what he knows.

"It was…" I clear my throat and stare blankly at the computer. "Good. We talked." And kissed. Felt each other up. Nearly had sex. There were a few words exchanged. Some laughter.

Forgive me, Father. We'll discuss it later.

Despite Jasper's undivided attention, I think of Bella's smile.

The smile.

The one I've been dreaming about. How it took tickling her to make it happen.

And fuck. I love that she's ticklish but hate that she ran out of the office before I could get a better look at the numbers tattooed along her ribcage. I'm dying to ask her what they mean.

I force myself to start randomly checking emails.

Jasper's quiet, but I realize he's just going to fucking stand there until I look at him. So I peek in his general direction.

"I might not know everything that happened in here, but I know that -" He hooks a thumb over his shoulder. "Was not talking."

My eyes flick toward the hallway but back to the emails almost immediately.

"I don't know what to tell you." Hell if I know how to explain this away.

"So you're saying you two really just… talked." His mouth is turned down when I glance over at him. I can't look him in the eye for more than a second before I zone in on an important message from… who the hell cares.

"Yep."

I'll be saying multiple Hail Mary's tonight. I regret lying to Jasper, but God's not going to hear a peep out of me about anything else.

I click on some meeting that's supposed to be happening in… fuck. Thirty minutes.

I see Jasper in my periphery, crossing his arms… staring. "Okay then, come on, let's get some dinner. We'll talk."

"Can't."

When I finally look over at him again he's grinning ear to ear.

"This reminds me of when you were dating Katie."

My face flushes. My mind reels with memories of my junior year in high school.

"You remember Katie?" Jasper asks with an amused look.

"Yep."

"You two were inseparable."

"Jasper." I nearly shout his name. "Jesus. I remember." I try to laugh it off, but I think my irritation comes through anyway. He seems stunned into silence.

Or maybe he's just waiting for my confession. Which is not happening.

"This is nothing like Katie."

"Oh yeah?"

"Yeah, I'm a fucking adult. And a priest. And..."

He tilts his head. "And?"

I let out a sigh. "I don't know."

"Okay," he says, cautiously taking a seat. "Tell me about it."

Normally I would. Normally I'd spill everything and ask him for his guidance.

This isn't a normal day though. This is an exceptional day.

"I don't think so."

My eyes dart to the edge of my desk and I see Bella there. Topless, breathless, beautiful. Then I look down to my lap where her tank top sits - thin enough that it left nothing to the imagination. I could never have conjured up how she looked.

Olive skin. And, God help me, her breasts were… delicate. Soft. And fit perfectly in my hands. Christ, I want my lips on them again. Without her top in the way.

I blink the image away and try to focus back on Jasper, who's got an eyebrow raised at me like I'm sixteen again. But it's between me and her. Not Jasper. Not even God, for that matter.

Jasper nods and sits forward, resting his elbows on his knees.

"Okay, I'll just say what I came to say in the first place."

"Shoot." I roll my chair away from the desk and try to act like a priest who didn't just spend the past half hour in the throes of passion.

"The diocese over in Italy-"

"Jasper." I shake my head.

"I know, I know. But hear me out." He rests his elbows on the desk, just to the right of where Bella was sitting. "All I did was talk. I told them about you, about how you've been doing. They're really excited to have you over there. If you want it."

My first instinct is to tell him no because that would mean leaving Bella behind. But she's leaving anyway. My second instinct is also to say no because this is where I'd feel closer to her.

Her family is here. She'll be back eventually.

Right?

Fuck. I'm frustrated. And I feel completely powerless about what's happening in my life. Any other time, I'd leave it up to God. Today I'm undecided.

"You can't keep hiding from the rest of the world, Edward," he reminds me like he's done on so many other occasions. And I suppose he's right. So I go with my third instinct.

"I'll think about it." Jasper smiles. He's proud.

"That's what I hoped you'd say." He stands up and comes around to my side of the desk and I get up out of my seat just in time for him to throw his arms around me in a big, bear hug.

"It'll all work out the way it's supposed to," he tells me before letting me go. Then his eyes spot the tank top I've been holding onto like my life depends on it.

"I know there are no rules about what you wear under your clerical garments. Didn't know you were into lace though."

Fuck.

And now he knows. Of course.

xXxXx

I can't say I'm excited when I arrive at the Swan's house Tuesday evening. I've never given someone an ultimatum about marrying them before.

Not to mention, I haven't spoken to Bella since yesterday. She hasn't responded to my text. Texts. I tried to text her twice, and then I remembered how Ben was constantly texting her. I don't want to be that guy.

The fact that I literally scared her out of my arms yesterday has me unable to think clearly. I just hope I can pull it together for the Swan's sake.

Angela needs me.

The door opens and Charlie's there, smiling, until he's not.

"You okay, Father?"

I force a grin. "Hi Charlie. Everyone here?"

His face falls a bit. "Not everyone," he says with some resignation, as he opens the door wide and lets me in.

I pat him on the back as we step inside. "Train up a child in the way they should go..."

He rubs at the back of his neck and puts on a brave face. "Yeah." Then he motions for me to head into the formal living room. "Come on in. Renee's got a whole spread planned."

I take a seat across from the couch. "How's work?"

"They're threatening lay-offs. Just gotta make it another five years, Father. Then it's fishing all day long."

"You have a boat?"

Charlie laughs. "Yeah, maybe there's gotta be another step in the middle there. You fish?"

I shrug. "A fisher of men?"

He chuckles. "Good one." Then he glances around. "Listen, Father, I wanted to ask you -" But then jumps to his feet. His smile is suddenly stiff. "Oh, here's the rest of 'em."

Angela stands in the doorway, avoiding eye contact, looking sheepish. Ben's right behind her with his hand on her back. Then Mrs. Swan steps around them. She sits herself in between her daughter and Ben on the couch, and looks over at me expectantly. Her Bible is in one hand, a pad and pen in the other like there's going to be a test at the end of this meeting. "It's good to see you, Father."

"Um, Mom," Angela begins.

"Angela, I'm here to make sure you and Ben don't-"

"Mrs. Swan," I interject. "With all due respect, this discussion is going to require Ben and Angela to be open and honest with one another."

"And?"

"And I don't think that's something they're going to be able to do with you here."

She looks offended, like she's prepared to fight me on this.

"Come on, Renee. Let the man do his job."

Mrs. Swan's mouth opens like she's about to argue, and Charlie gives her a look that only someone who's been married for over twenty years could. She finally gives in and gets up, leaving without another word.

Charlie winks in my direction as he slides the pocket doors closed between the living room and the rest of the house. I imagine Renee's listening just on the other side, but at least it gives the appearance of privacy.

Thank God for Charlie.

"Thanks for hearing us out, Father," Angela says.

"I was surprised when you called the other day."

"Well, you told me this had to happen." She grabs Ben's hand.

"I did. It does. I guess I thought… I mean I heard the two of you had broken things off, so…"

"It was just nerves, you know?" Ben says. He puts his arm around Angela's shoulders and pulls her into his side. "All guys have them, I think. It's a big commitment."

"And then add someone like Bella to the mix. You know, Father?" Angela pipes in to ask.

"I'm sorry." I couldn't have possibly heard her right. "Someone like Bella?"

Someone who can steal your heart with a smile and sarcastic remark?

Ben makes it clear. "A girl like that. Trouble."

"I see." I clench my jaw and ignore the urge to punch him for his insinuation. "So, Bella asked you to kiss her." I pretend like I'm looking for clarification. The truth is, I already know the answer. She told me the first day we met.

She didn't ask.

Angela's hand slips away from Ben's.

"Not in so many-" Ben glances over at Angela, then back at me.

"Not in so many… what?"

"Angela and I have been waiting, lately anyway. So, I'm… And Bella's... I mean, you know Bella." Ben huffs and runs a hand through his hair. "No, technically she didn't ask. Not in so many words."

"Let me make it clear for you, the answer is definitely no, Ben."

"But, Father-" Angela says, looking between me and her fiancé.

"He needs to take responsibility for his actions," I tell her. "What if a year or two from now he thinks another woman's asking for it?"

I can tell by the look on her face, Angela hasn't considered this before.

Ben tips her chin so she's looking into his eyes. "It's not gonna happen. I love Angie. With all my heart," he promises. Enough so I almost believe him.

A tear slides down Angela's cheek. "I love you too, Benny."

Ben takes her hand again as he looks back in my direction. "We made some mistakes."

My gaze slips to Angela's midsection then back to her face. But I don't suppose I can hold that against them. Not after what happened in my office yesterday.

"Who wants tea?" Mrs. Swan asks as she pushes the doors open. Angela wipes tears away from her eyes and her mother pretends not to notice. "Always helps smooth over the rough edges, doesn't it?"

But she does notice the look on my face. And she's not pleased. "Or maybe you'd like some coffee instead, Father? I just put on a pot."

"No thank you Mrs. Swan." I try to remain polite as I wait for her to arrange a tray on the coffee table. It takes her longer than I would have thought. She's very meticulous. Or nosy. Take your pick.

"Goodness! I forgot the cream. I'll run and get it and bring those biscotti I saved in the pantry for a rainy day. They'd be perfect for-"

"Mom!" Angela nearly shouts, her face still flushed from crying a little. "Do you want us to get married?"

"I just thought if I-"

"We've got this, Mom," Ben says, sounding confident and reassuring. "Angie and I have to do this on our own. If we can't, we probably shouldn't get married. Am I right, Father?"

I watch him as he looks Mrs. Swan directly in the eyes. I take in what he says. How he says it. The way he looks back at Angela and rubs a stray tear from her cheek.

And maybe he means it. All of it. Maybe he's actually figured things out. He's here, after all.

"I'm trying to make this right," Ben tells me once Mrs. Swan clears out. "As right as I can, all things considered."

So I lay it out for him. "You want to make things right? Apologize to your sister-in-law."

Ben huffs, slightly amused. "You're going to have to be more specific. I'm about to have three."

"Bella," I tell him, making it undoubtedly clear which sister. And when I say her name out loud to the guy who brought her to tears, it makes me a little lightheaded.

"But why, Father?" Angela nearly jumps off the couch. "When you said we needed to talk to you, I didn't think you wanted to talk about… her."

She's wrong. I do want to talk about Bella. I could talk about her all night long. In fact, I have an urge to pull my phone out and see if she's texted me back.

"You too, Angela," I tell her. Am I a little harsh when I say it? I am. But she can consider it payback for the way she sneers whenever she says Bella's name.

"I don't have anything to say to her after the way she's treated me."

"She's treated you better than your fiancé has."

Angela is aghast. "Excuse me?"

"Hold on there a goddamn minute, Father," Ben cuts in.

"Those are my terms. Take it or leave it." If they want to be jackasses, I can be one too. A righteous jackass.

"I thought this was going to be about…"

Angela's eyes drift lower. She's not sure what this is about anymore. Neither am I, actually. Because lately everything comes back to Bella. Just a second ago I felt, with absolute conviction, that the two of them need to apologize to Bella before I'd marry them.

Now I'm questioning my motives and I'm not sure if I'm thinking clearly. How can Ben and Angela's marriage be all about Bella?

"Maybe we could all use some air," I suggest, hoping to clear my head. "Ten minute break?"

Angela sighs. Ben heads for the front door. I make my way out back.

xXxXx

I step out onto the patio and it reminds me of the night I met Bella. She was a little drunk and more than a little frustrated with her family. Now I'm the one frustrated with her family. And I wish she was here.

I see a light switch on in the garage and I remember Bella's accidental confession about her father. I could really use a smoke.

"Charlie?" I push open the door to the garage.

"Oh my God!" He nearly jumps out of his skin as he spins to see me standing there.

I laugh, feeling like the principal catching a student hiding his stash at recess. Hell, I was that kid once.

"Got a spare?" I nod to the pack of cigarettes hidden behind a table saw.

He looks like he's about to deny everything but then decides, to hell with it. "You smoke?"

"I won't tell if you don't."

Charlie chuckles, but thank God, he hands the pack over to me after he takes one for himself. "You need something, Father? Besides nicotine?"

I need his daughter to text me back, but it hardly seems appropriate to say so. "I needed a break."

He flicks the lighter and holds it out for me. "Me too. The house might seem pretty empty, but whew… there's a lot going on inside."

He's got that right.

"Agreed." I take a drag and lean against the wall. Watching Charlie is like watching the ocean on a calm day. Still and quiet at the surface but, just below that, there's so much going on.

"You were about to ask me something. Before everyone joined us in the living room," I remind him.

He sighs. His brows knit together. "Have you talked to my girl?" The words come out in a rush of guilt and anxiety.

"I, um, spoke with Bella yesterday."

And now he's confused. "Glad to hear it. But I, uh… What about Alice?"

Shit.

"Right. Um, yeah." I scratch the back of my head. "I did. A couple days ago."

"She left without saying anything, Father. Won't tell us where she's staying. She's only got this part-time gig in the school library. How's she gonna take care of herself?"

Charlie's concern gives me hope for this family. He's everything my father wasn't. "You're a good man. The girls know you love them. You just have to let them know they can talk to you when they're ready."

"You're not going to tell me where she's at, are you?"

I shrug. "She asked me not to." And I feel terrible.

"She safe at least?"

"More than safe," I tell him. "She's loved."

"Would you tell her I asked about her?"

"Absolutely."

Charlie suddenly finds something very interesting in his collection of wrenches hanging from the wall. He sniffs a little, but takes a drag from his cigarette to cover it up. Then he exhales. His eyes are bright when he looks back at me. "Makes me feel better knowing you're looking out for her."

"Charles?" Renee's voice throws the both of us into a panic. We toss our cigarette butts onto the ground like synchronized sinners. Charlie reaches for a can of air freshener on reflex, like he's done this a million times before. By the time the garage door opens, it smells like we've been squeezing lemons for hours.

"You brought the Father in here?" she asks. Her eyes narrow as she tries to inconspicuously inspect the floor.

"He was just talking to me about Alice, Renee."

Mrs. Swan's hand flies to her chest, suddenly hopeful. "You've seen her?"

"I was just telling Charlie she's fine."

"She was here with Bella today while we were at work. Packing up some of her things. Moving them off to God knows where." She shakes her head like she's asked God repeatedly and He hasn't given anything away.

God does know where, of course. So do I. Alice's girlfriend Jane lives about ten blocks away, just on the other side of St. Mary's. "Have you thought about Bella at all?" I wonder out loud.

She left the Swan's home the same night Alice did.

"My goodness, yes. I'm beside myself with worry -"

I nod, cautiously optimistic.

"- about how much time Alice seems to be spending with Bella. That child's always been such a bad influence."

I should have known. "You're kidding, right?"

"I wish I was, Father. Her whole life. Shaved her dolls heads. Cut up the clothing we paid good money for. Always sneaking cigarettes." Mrs. Swan gives Charlie a decent side eye.

I bite my lip to keep from smiling. Always the rebel. "That's hardly-"

"For her first confession? She snuck an Alka Seltzer out of the house and popped it into her mouth just as she stepped into the confessional. Pretending to be possessed. Frothing at the mouth. Can you imagine?"

I can absolutely imagine. And I try not to laugh.

"She just let it fizz right out the side of her mouth and down her chin." Mrs. Swan shakes her head.

I hold a hand over my mouth.

"She came... stumbling out of the confessional." She waves a hand. "Holding her hands out in front of her. Scared all the people waiting in line."

I can't hold the laughter in anymore. Charlie's still managing to hide his amusement.

"Told the priest she was possessed by the devil." She whispers the last part. Like she doesn't want God to hear. Or maybe anyone else for that matter.

I'm full on laughing now. Shoulders bobbing. Holding my sides.

"Father." Mrs. Swan scowls. "This is serious."

"She really is one of a kind," I admit.

"That's not the word I was thinking."

"Come on. You've gotta admit, for a ten year old, that's pretty genius."

"To this day, I think she's partly to blame for Father Volturi's early death."

The priest was almost ninety when he passed, a fact I'm certain Mrs. Swan knows as well.

"And when I think of innocent little Alice-"

"OK. That's where I need to stop you." Mrs. Swan's eyes go big. And I'm not laughing anymore.

She takes a step away from me. "Father?"

"Do you realize Bella is the only person in your family Alice feels like she can confide in at the moment?"

"Confide in about what?" Charlie asks.

"And do you realize Alice is the only person in your family who reached out to Bella after you and Angela blamed her for Ben's actions?"

Mrs. Swan looks confused. "But Father, she-"

"Bella came to me in tears because she felt she had nowhere to turn. You should thank God Alice and Bella are there for one another, when the rest of the family turned their backs."

Renee, for once, doesn't know what to say.

Charlie lowers his head and rubs his hand over the stubble of his beard. "Fuck."

"Charlie!" Renee chastises him almost the same way she chastises her daughters. One daughter in particular. I see him eying the hidden pack of cigarettes. I have half a mind to pull them out in front of his wife. I could use another too.

"I never turned my back on Alice." Mrs. Swan folds her arms across her chest, taking me on again. And it pushes me over the edge.

"You have four daughters, Mrs. Swan. I was at St. Mary's for a year and you came to confession week after week. How come you never mentioned Bella? I heard all about the others."

"Father, I-"

"You've been at church each Sunday. Have you listened to any of my homilies?"

She looks scared. Maybe ashamed. I'm not sure.

"You owe your daughter an apology. And for the love of God, I hope you start practicing acceptance when it comes to each of your children. Otherwise you're going to push them all away."

"I'm sorry, Father, but Bella waltzed in here and tried to come between Ben and Angela."

"She was completely upfront with Angela about what happened. She tried to warn her about Ben."

Mrs. Swan gesticulates with her hands so I have to step back to avoid getting hit. "And then she's always avoiding us and half-drunk when she's here."

"She's honest, kind, and funny."

"Her sense of humor is scandalous."

"It is," I agree wholeheartedly. "But it's mostly a defense mechanism. She's afraid of being hurt. I think it's happened a lot. But she keeps putting herself out there. And she's incredibly talented. She's the best thing to ever-"

I stop short when I catch Charlie looking at me funny. "-happen to St. Mary's."

To me.

I'm glad I caught Charlie's eye. I nearly admitted his daughter has me questioning my priesthood.

I take a deep breath. "You're missing out on getting to know her. Personally, I'm glad Alice is giving it a chance."

"When you put it like that…" Charlie says, but can't seem to find the words to finish as he gives me a good once over. Mrs. Swan doesn't look quite so convinced.

"I lost my family when I was young," I find myself admitting, like Bella's opened up this can of worms and I can't close it again.

"Oh, Father, I'm so sorry." Mrs. Swan grabs Charlie's hand.

"Every child needs unconditional acceptance. My parents died before they could figure it out, but it's not too late for you and Bella."

"He's right, Renee," Charlie tells his wife.

"I don't know," Renee begins.

"Yeah ya do. She's our kid. A good kid. She's not a criminal."

She raises her eyebrows at that.

"Remind you of anyone?" he asks.

"My Aunt Sylvia?" Renee guesses.

Charlie shakes his head. "In case you forgot, you drove your mother insane, Renee. We got married right outta school because you were this close to being thrown out."

Mrs. Swan looks more sheepish than defiant. "And then I learned how to act right."

"And maybe Bella figured out a way to get by without it."

"I should get back to Angela and Ben," I say, looking at Renee a little differently. After all this time, I thought I knew her. Maybe she sees a little too much of herself in Bella and it scares her.

I try to picture the rebel Mrs. Swan keeps hidden underneath her careful Catholic exterior.

"Before you go, tell me you'll marry those kids in there?" Renee asks. "Please?"

I give her a small, exhausted grin. "Yeah, Mrs. Swan. I'll marry them. But I'm going to make them sweat it out for a few more minutes."

She smiles so big and full of relief. She throws her arms around my neck. It's a good half a minute before she lets go. Then she steps back with a hand to her mouth, like it's a cardinal sin to hug your priest.

She blushes a little and grabs for Charlie's hand again. "Thanks, Father. And, maybe after all of this, you should just call me Renee. I feel like we're family now."

I duck my head, trying to hide my burning cheeks and tell the two of them I need to get back inside. Angela and Ben are waiting.

"And Father, before you go," Mrs… I mean, Renee calls out, stopping my getaway.

She holds out a cardboard moving box. "Alice left this here today. I think she meant to take it with her… to wherever she is." She rolls her eyes. "Would you bring it to her for us? Since the two of you are in touch?"

xXxXx

On my way home, I take a detour and stop by Jane's apartment.

I'm torn between hope that Bella's there, and fear that I'll run into her if she is. She still hasn't texted me back and I don't know what the fuck that means.

It probably means she doesn't want to see me. That she's taken her former priest's advice and is trying to move on. Yet here I am, knocking on the door, listening to music and laughter on the other side.

I'm happy for Alice. Ecstatic, really. I'm grateful she's found someone.

And I'm grateful that Bella has Alice in her life.

I'm also nervous as Hell I might not be part of that life going forward.

I'm about to just leave the box and make a run for it when the door swings open. I nearly drop the damn thing and struggle to get my balance back.

"Did you get the message about the peppero-"

"Hey, your mom asked me to-"

I look up to see Bella standing in the doorway. Gorgeous as ever. Shocked to see me.

"Hey," I say.

Fuck.

Hey?

Really?

"Father!" Alice skips to Bella's side. "Is that my box?"

I grin when I see how incredibly happy Alice looks. "It must be." I sneak a glance toward Bella as I hand it over. "My box is dark and dank."

Bella presses her lips together as she tucks some hair behind her ear, looking away like she's trying to hide her laughter. When she looks back at me, her eyes glitter. She's blushing as she bites her bottom lip.

I'm still staring at her when Alice asks, "Father?"

"What?" I force my eyes from Bella and give my full attention to Alice.

"Come on in!"

She flits away, side stepping piles of boxes. Some empty, some full, and all over the place. "Jane! Father Edward's here!" she calls out over the music.

"What are you… I mean how did you even know…" Bella asks, backing away from me.

"Father comes by every once in a while," Alice explains from across the room. "Let me go get Jane."

Then it's just me and Bella… alone. In the doorway.

I'm not sure what to say. What to do.

"So…" Bella rocks onto her heels and purses her lips.

"I'm sorry," I tell her.

"Drink?"

I laugh. A little. "Herbal tea?" I ask, nodding to the mug in her hand.

"Alice sprung for the strong stuff. Black tea."

I nod. I glance down. I reach for her hand. Our fingers touch. Barely.

But fuck. It's not like I can hold it the way I want, hold her the way I want. "You left kind of abruptly yesterday."

She can't stop looking at our hands. "Yeah. I couldn't let you..." And she looks into my eyes.

"Oh my goodness, Bella! Let him in. Father, you should stay and have some Earl Grey. Pizza's on the… Oh."

Bella and I both look up to see Alice standing there, watching the two of us almost holding hands.

I clear my throat.

"Wanna get out of here?" Bella asks. She twines her fingers with mine and there's no mistaking. We're… officially holding hands.

At first, I feel a familiar pang of panic that Alice will be appalled. That she'll think less of me. Less of Bella. I feel the color draining from my face. But then I remember who Alice is and who Bella is and how we're each imperfect, but trying to do the right thing.

Fuck if I know what the right thing is these days.

I glance down at our hands together. It feels pretty damn right to me.

So I give Bella's hand a squeeze and smile before answering her.

"Yeah. Let's go."